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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 9:55 pm
by azumeow
BMFJack wrote: It's definitely impossible to help her on your own, from the sounds of it she is likely to need therapy due to several traumatic experiences, but no one can force her to do anything. All you can do is be there for her, encourage her when she's down, and try to help her/get help to her. However, at the end of the day, it's her decision.

I know it'll probably hurt to hear this, but you do need to be more patient. It sucks, it really does, but if you aren't patient with her she may end up losing the hope she's found with you. I think you aptly named her "Emi" because just like in Emi's route, if you try too hard to be the White Knight it'll split you apart.
This, but with one addition: Just like in Emi's route, everything changes the instant Hisao says those three magic words to Emi: "I love you."

Tell her. Even if you have already, look her in the eyes and tell her. Tell her that you love her and that you're terrified of losing her, but you don't know what you should do. I know if I'd done that a while back, things would be a lot different. For better or worse, I don't know, but they'd be different. Don't make the same mistake I did, because if you do...dude, you're gonna end up miserable, alone, and angry at the world. And it's gonna suck day in and day out. You've still got your chance. Talk to her, calmly, and explain everything you're feeling, even if you're embarrassed or you don't want to say it out loud. You'll save yourself a lot more pain if you do.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 9:59 pm
by BMFJack
I gotta admit Azumeow brings up great points, and they come from personal experience to boot.

I just want to emphasize the "calmly" part of his advice; if it starts to get intense you've gotta be the one to calm down first. Take some deep breaths, think before you speak, and again be patient.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:35 pm
by a_struggling_man
Thank all of you,
It took us a while but we discussed it. I cried, she cried. She got mad, I got mad. But I told her how I felt. And she told me how she felt. She may not be better straight away but we're doing our best to help her help herself. You've all helped me save an angel. Thank you.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:27 pm
by brythain
a_struggling_man wrote:Thank all of you,
It took us a while but we discussed it. I cried, she cried. She got mad, I got mad. But I told her how I felt. And she told me how she felt. She may not be better straight away but we're doing our best to help her help herself. You've all helped me save an angel. Thank you.
I have to say that real-life stories like this are inspiring to me. May you be blessed with good outcomes now and in the long term.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 9:19 am
by YZQ
a_struggling_man wrote:Thank all of you,
It took us a while but we discussed it. I cried, she cried. She got mad, I got mad. But I told her how I felt. And she told me how she felt. She may not be better straight away but we're doing our best to help her help herself. You've all helped me save an angel. Thank you.
She's already better even if she doesn't say so. Sharing your troubles and knowing that others care for you counts for a lot.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:05 am
by azumeow
a_struggling_man wrote:Thank all of you,
It took us a while but we discussed it. I cried, she cried. She got mad, I got mad. But I told her how I felt. And she told me how she felt. She may not be better straight away but we're doing our best to help her help herself. You've all helped me save an angel. Thank you.
Good luck, man. Every journey starts with a single step, and I'm glad that you seem to be taking that step in the right direction.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 5:14 am
by YZQ
azumeow wrote:
a_struggling_man wrote:Thank all of you,
It took us a while but we discussed it. I cried, she cried. She got mad, I got mad. But I told her how I felt. And she told me how she felt. She may not be better straight away but we're doing our best to help her help herself. You've all helped me save an angel. Thank you.
Good luck, man. Every journey starts with a single step, and I'm glad that you seem to be taking that step in the right direction.
It'll be a long journey. Be prepared, and don't let yourself burn out too quickly.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 2:25 pm
by metalangel
YZQ wrote: It'll be a long journey. Be prepared, and don't let yourself burn out too quickly.
This is extremely true. Being that person is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, and you might not even be or feel appreciated for all the effort and pain you'll experience.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 9:23 pm
by BMFJack
metalangel wrote:you might not even be or feel appreciated for all the effort and pain you'll experience.
This part is especially true. If you're both to be successful, it will be a harder journey for you than it will be for her.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 7:37 am
by a_struggling_man
BMFJack wrote:
metalangel wrote:you might not even be or feel appreciated for all the effort and pain you'll experience.
This part is especially true. If you're both to be successful, it will be a harder journey for you than it will be for her.
I know but I will and will always try my best for her and me. No matter what. Thank you all once again its good to find compassionate people on the internet for once.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 11:41 am
by BMFJack
You're welcome. And I think you can thank the devs; it's their creation that brought all of these compassionate, wonderful people to one place.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:47 pm
by metalangel
a_struggling_man wrote: I know but I will and will always try my best for her and me. No matter what. Thank you all once again its good to find compassionate people on the internet for once.
Keep a sense of perspective here, the 'her' and 'me' are separate things. Look after both of them, and be prepared for the fact that (her) might leave. I've been there - the incredible pain of having used every ounce of strength to be strong for someone who needed support and love, and as part their journey through life, the someone has to move on and you don't get to come. You helped them get there, made sure that they did, and now they're gone.

Do you get a seriously big injection of karma for such actions? I think so. The trick is to ignore the feeling that you were used in a negative way.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 7:52 pm
by YZQ
By all means, work on the relationship. But, just in case it really doesn't pan out, it's almost always better to let her go.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 4:20 am
by BMFJack
I remember once that a relationship guru said that when a woman goes through drastic, life altering changes that it's incredibly difficult for her to maintain a relationship throughout.

Prove him wrong, man. Like metalangel said, you've got to work on yourself too. It's important that you grow with her, change with her, and aren't left behind.

But even if you go through it all, and do the best you possibly can, and for some reason it doesn't work out... then that's not the end. It's the beginning. I hope that if that happens (and I'll be clear by saying I hope that doesn't happen) that you can take solace in the fact that you helped someone, not for your own sake but for theirs.

Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 1:05 pm
by Eurobeatjester
Don't know where else to post it, but I gotta get it off my chest.

So I've mentioned on here about ten+ years ago I dated someone who had crippling social phobia about as bad as Hanako, and I made the same mistakes Hisao did. This is why Hanako resonated with me, as some weird subconscious shot at redemption.

I tried contacting her a few years ago on facebook just to say hi, and see how she was. I had reconnected with a lot of people in my past. She made clear in no uncertain terms that she never wanted me to contact her again, and I respected that.

I had spent the last ten years telling myself that while I regretted the way things turned out and how we hurt each other, that as long as she ended up becoming a better person, I was at peace with it.

Flash forward to last week. I was chatting with a mutual friend from back in the day, and it turns out they're still friends. It seems after that point, she never recovered. Her therapists and her parents have her convinced that she can't function in normal society, so she's still living at home with no job, a handful of friends, and collecting disability because of it.

I'm so torn on this. She didn't become that better person, and the foundation I've built on that assumption got pulled out from under me. On one hand, I feel responsible, because I was the first one she ever opened up to and she never did to anyone after that because I hurt her. She trusted me with the person she was, and...it's gone. That beautiful person with her outlook on life, her talent, the spark that drew me to her like a moth to a flame...it's not there anymore.

On the other hand, she wasn't the only one hurt by the breakup - we hurt each other equally. It was a process that took a long time and a lot of pain, but I pulled myself out of that spiral. I ended up being homeless, living out of my car, but I stuck with it - I built a new life after moving to a new state, got a new career, got new friends, etc. If I could do it, there's no way I'm responsible for her being unable to.

It's just a shitty situation, and I'm going to need a few days to process how I feel about it fully.