Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[azumeow]

Besides, if I did hit her, I'd lose all sympathy for being a violent oppressive male

I've always loved this one. The best part is, if she hit you while playing the victim, suddenly she'd be a strong woman who doesn't need no man. Beautiful, that is.

People like her and your roommate are trash, and I'm sorry you got caught up in it.

Eh, my roommate has been absolved of his part in all this. The circumstances are ugly and stupid, but basically she tricked him into thinking them sleeping together was fine. Five or six panicked phone calls and a panic attack later, he found out that it wasn't, and he was probably angrier than I was.

It's funny, I'm slowly becoming kind of misogynistic because of chicks like her. But a different ex is one of the reasons I can at least hope that once I'm out of college or something, I won't be surrounded by cock-hungry whores.

Oh, and before anybody accuses me of sexism for that last comment, the guys are even worse. I don't mind people who want to sleep with everyone around them: people who do it despite being in a committed relationship are the ones I hate. Hilariously enough, my roommate ISN'T one of those people.

[Khalego]

Besides, if I did hit her, I'd lose all sympathy for being a violent oppressive male.

The sympathy of fools, including such double-standard-touting feminist types, is vastly overrated. Sucking it up isn't being the better person. That entire notion in human society needs to crawl off and die in a ditch somewhere. Sucking it up is just bottling and letting people get away with things scot-free. The better person sees justice done. Curious thing about the 'dirty laundry' metaphor is that dirty laundry is most often displayed for anyone to see anyway, whether piled up in a hamper or haphazardly tossed around a floor. It's only the clean laundry that people hang up behind doors. She's an awful person and has zero right to have anyone believe otherwise.

[SpunkySix]

Besides, if I did hit her, I'd lose all sympathy for being a violent oppressive male.

The sympathy of fools, including such double-standard-touting feminist types, is vastly overrated. Sucking it up isn't being the better person. That entire notion in human society needs to crawl off and die in a ditch somewhere. Sucking it up is just bottling and letting people get away with things scot-free. The better person sees justice done. Curious thing about the 'dirty laundry' metaphor is that dirty laundry is most often displayed for anyone to see anyway, whether piled up in a hamper or haphazardly tossed around a floor. It's only the clean laundry that people hang up behind doors. She's an awful person and has zero right to have anyone believe otherwise.

The problem is that she won't face the repercussions- azumeow will.

[azumeow]

Besides, if I did hit her, I'd lose all sympathy for being a violent oppressive male.

The sympathy of fools, including such double-standard-touting feminist types, is vastly overrated. Sucking it up isn't being the better person. That entire notion in human society needs to crawl off and die in a ditch somewhere. Sucking it up is just bottling and letting people get away with things scot-free. The better person sees justice done. Curious thing about the 'dirty laundry' metaphor is that dirty laundry is most often displayed for anyone to see anyway, whether piled up in a hamper or haphazardly tossed around a floor. It's only the clean laundry that people hang up behind doors. She's an awful person and has zero right to have anyone believe otherwise.

The problem is that she won't face the repercussions- azumeow will.

Oh no, she'll face PLENTY of repercussions (cuz, ya know, I didn't hit her and I've played this to avoid any BS) but I still don't feel like ruining someone's whole social life (we both pretty much literally only have friends in our club) over this. I might end up fessing up a few things to someone close during a rougher night, but....that's a matter time will tell.

Besides, if I REALLY wanna whine about this, my roommate is at least very responsive through text when he's not around.

[Lockhart]

Hey,

Playing through Shizune’s path was a mixed experience for me.

I liked it because, at least on a personal level, she reminded me of a girl I dated a decade ago, but on the other hand I disliked how commanding and unwilling to open she was. Those negatives were somewhat diminished when I played the other version of the game, one we won’t discuss here.

Either way, after reaching the good ending I wanted to experience the bad one as well, so off I went and had fun with Misha (who physically looks very close to the girl Shizune reminds me of). What followed soon was a sight we all know, the most heart crushing picture in the entire game, at least for me:

Shizunesittingonsteps.jpg

It took me 10 years back when I massacred her heart. The first real love of her life, replacing her without any kind of a warning sign. I won’t ever be able to understand how she felt, she later told me she just laid in bed, cried and couldn’t eat for weeks. Later on I had some girls who I was “in love” with and were treating me like a dog, but I strongly doubt anything could compare.

It was a mistake on every imaginable level, and I realized it soon after. Of course it was too late, the damage was simply too great for anything to undo it. I tried anyway, I probably tried everything short of stalking her, and soon her hesitant rejections turned to sarcastic contempt, then to absolute ignorance. Not like you ignore a person you dislike, more like how you ignore a slug on a street. Not relevant.

It didn’t stop there for me. I’ve became obsessed. Even though I knew there’s no chance of us getting together again, I sent her messages, approached her at parties, usually after consuming a solid amount of alcohol. The whole thing became hilariously pathetic and people noticed. Every once in a while I’ve decided to stop doing it and managed to restrain myself for a few months, but I’d always relapse. I’ve became addicted go grief.

Why would anyone get addicted to grief, eh? Well, because it’s easy. And it’s fun. Never mind, it’s not fun, but there’s a kind of perverse pleasure to it. And it makes everything so simple - all you need to do is keep blaming yourself and feel horrible, comfortable in your own “depression”. No action required. No effort. Just hang in and keep telling yourself how horrible you are.

As you can imagine it didn’t get me anywhere. I would even turn away other girls, because I thought dating them would somehow endanger my chances at getting back with her (chances that were nonexistent anyway). I distinctly remember 3 occasions when different girls were standing in front of me at a party, obviously waiting for something to happen. Nothing did, because I haven’t done anything.

Instead I made the girl I was obsessed with into a godess. I did most cringe-worthy stuff you can imagine, for example, you probably remember Myspace and how it allowed you to form a “top 8” list of friends, combined with all kinds of modifications. Well, once she accepted my friend request (maybe out of pity, but perhaps just a misclick), I put her to the first place on my friends list, and made everything on my profile grayscale except for her avatar. This is how I was.

I spent immense amounts of time just thinking about her, imagining how my entire life would became perfect right away, if only I could have her. And it went on for years. Quite a few years. I can’t exactly tell how many years, but way too long. Maybe five (5), maybe six (6). Maybe seven.

As time passed I started to date other girls with mixed results, also started reading a lot about how relationships and female psychology work. Eventually it became less of a deal, something I was able to live with, until at one point I realized the simple truth:

Not a single girl in the world is “the one”. There are no “special” girls, every person has a large number of potential partners. People get together for a variety of reasons, but a supernatural force that brings people “made for each other” together is not one of them.

There are girls that can make you feel something others won’t. All of them are replacable. “The one” does not exist.

You can form a serious relationship and invest in it, but the same thing could be done with a lot of other girls.

If no girl is special, then no girl is worth crying over.

Once you understand this, you’re free.

You can either be free, or be a slave to your romantic delusions.

Your choice.

But I wanted to tell you this. Because time constantly moves in exactly one way, and it’s a bad idea to waste it.

My favorite buddhist monk Ajahn Brahm (lots of his talks on YT, check it out if you like) often says that unhappiness is “asking from the world what it can’t give you”. The world can’t give you one and only special true love that’ll make your life complete in every possible way, but it can give you real girls from flesh and blood and bone and spinal fluid.

And I think that’s a very good alternative.


PS: A technical term for what I described is “oneitis”. It’s a good starting point if you feel like finding out more about it.

PPS: This is the first time I told the whole story. How dramatic. If you had had a similar experience or have a question/comment, do speak up!

[Broomhead]

Hello and welcome to the foru-
Gah!

Okay, Lockheart. Nice to see your posting again, I know your first thread went up in flame(wars), and that has a tendency to scare people off very easily.

For my first act: This should probably go to this thread or HBHC that'll put you in more direct contact than starting up a new thread specifically for you.

Now for me to... well... me.

Logically speaking, there is no "Soul Mate." If your searched all the possible mates who ever existed for you, you'd find more than one. There'd be people out there who would match your personality perfectly and you theirs, and your preferences would be perfectly matched to theirs, and they to you. It's the power of infinity, really. Multiply any probability across all of time and space and it's going to happen a million times over.

The problem comes in when you consider that in order to marry them, you have to meet them. Furthermore, you also have to be in a culturally acceptable position, alive, and also arrive at the perfect moment. So many minuscule mechanics in the human head make it very unlikely any of these pairings would work even if you met. So, for example, if you met #1, but their parent had just died, they would push you away. So there's a rather unfortunate set back. Then, you have to be a culturally acceptable couple (Not in my opinion, but it affects the match-making.) If you don't have compatible sexuality, ages, conditions, or a list of other things, they nor their parents would begin thinking about you as a possible mate. Even if they would Romeo for you, it leads to a rather precarious relationship. Then you have to consider location, both chronological and physical. If your perfect matches are in Rome, and you in Sacramento, it's very unlikely for you to meet in the first place. Add the fact that one of you is very likely to be in the ground at the point the other exists, and it's practically impossible that you'd ever meet naturally.

But I agree with you on some levels. No mate is worth killing yourself over, and no-one should ever have the power to destroy you so completely without you having the same power over them. M.A.D. applies in my relationships, I guess. Crying over a mate is something you should be able to do though. Don't Freud me here, but if something bad happened to my mother, I'd be sad, because that's a perfectly normal human reaction. Ditto really anyone I know. As Potato once criticized, however, I would die for two people at any time, but that's just math. And no human being is truly replaceable (yet) since they are a bundle of memories, thoughts, and interactions that have made them who they are today. That information is useful. But there are expendable humans.

If I go on, I'm going to Rin all over the thread, so I'm just going to shower and eat before I start spewing unrelated sentences.

[Elessar]

@azumeow

I'm not too good of an advice-giver if it comes to relationships, but dealing with aggression or hate, negative thoughts all in all, is (was) a big part of my life.
(correct me if i understood something wrong, you are pissed at the girl?)
Many years ago, when i was, like, 9 or so, i was a pretty darn aggressive folk, always looking for trouble in any way. But to this date, it has been about 10 years without any sign of negative thoughts, aggression or anything like that.
10 years now am i living a pacifist life, and it really is something worth trying out.
And now to the question you would be asking: How? How can you just not hurt anyone (be it physically or mentally(hope its the right word here)) or how can you just not feel hate or negative things?
To the second part: Feeling hurt, hating something/somebody or feeling negative things in general is the most normal thing in the world. It's about not being bothered by these feelings. Just pushing them aside is a bad way to approach them i experienced. What worked for me was finding my peace with them.
Example: Oh, a good friend of over 3 years suddenly decides he doesnt want to spend time with me anymore and doesnt want to tell me why? Instead of just saying "fuck it, i'll just forget that" say "Im fine with that. It is his decision and there is no way for me to change that."
This helped me to feel better on any occasion, sitting down after a bad/negative experience and just thinking about it until i can find my peace with it. Meditating, in other words.
To the first part: It's easy, just avoid to hurt people. Even if they deserve it, i would feel guilty if i hurt anyone. [might not be best, but i like it and like living like this]

So to sum it up: Meditating and making peace witht he world has helped me being calm as hell and being admired for that by all my friends. If they have a dispute, im the first one they ask for help ^_^

[While finishing this text i started asking myself if it makes sense or even helps anybody, i always do that so if you see anything that doesnt make sense in terms of context or anything please tell me ]

My favorite buddhist monk Ajahn Brahm (lots of his talks on YT, check it out if you like) often says that unhappiness is “asking from the world what it can’t give you”. The world can’t give you one and only special true love that’ll make your life complete in every possible way, but it can give you real girls from flesh and blood and bone and spinal fluid.

Exactly that, i'd like to add, it's not what life gives to you, it what you make of it.[If life gives you lemons, make lemonade]
You can't just expect everything to just come to you.

He's my favourite buddhist monk, too.. so many good, wise words C:

[LilyKitsune]

So I have a date soon. I'm terrified of course. I'm not sure I could stand to disappoint another person. I'm worried currently because I'm getting over a cold, and moved into my new place while sick, so his requests to skype with me have been... well, not done. I've also not given a firm date on when it would be, other than this weekend or next. I feel awful about it, but I did say it was due to getting over a cold which is absolutely true! My voice sounds so awful, and I'm still congested. Id never want to go on a date like this. I just worry im coming off as disinterested. He's been nothing but cute, and we have similar taste in shows and movies, and we even played Hearthstone together. It was actually kind of how he asked me out, which I found incredibly adorable. I just don't want to be as awful as I feel im being, and don't want to be a physical disappointment to another person.

[Broomhead]

My only advice is... be open. If you need to, tell him your a tad under the weather. I don't know how he is or how you are so I can't give more advice, but just be open.

If you want the manipulators tips, here they are. People like talking about themselves. If you have a hard time opening up, ask him questions about his personal life and family (don't go overboard, of course) and return the favor if he asks about you, but only on that condition. If you need a quick escape from an awkward conversation, talk about Hearthstone meta or a movie's universe.

Don't worry as much about how disappointing you'll be (you won't if you don't Hanako him halfway through the date) and just listen. You seem interested in him here, so you'll be interested in conversation. I can't quite read into "physical disappointment" with 100% accuracy, but I doubt he'd be completely turned off by the first date unless you find a way to kill his family with a spoon. After all, even if it gets awkward, you can still "date" over Heartstone or some sorta co-op game. (I recommend Alien Swarm or Portal, they have plenty of alternating chances for conversation and game-based dialouge.)

[azumeow]

So, I suffer from chronic pain. I thought it might be Fibromyalgia in the past, but it's not. It's definitely not, thank goodness.

Anyway, I recently purchased a cane for support when the pain becomes crippling. I believe I've posted about the pain issue before, and how one time it laid me out on the ground for about five minutes. I've learned to live with it, and I've learned my limits, hence the cane.

So, I was walking home from class today when some great scholarly mind, He Who Questions All Things, decided to look at me and accuse me of faking. All because my cane is cheap. (I'm a college student, of course my cane is freaking cheap, asshole.) He laughed and said something along the lines of "Look at his fucking fake cane! It's fucking FAKE!" Naturally, I flipped him the middle finger in response.

This is where I just....I realize that this guy genuinely believed I was faking. He was pretty annoyed at that, from the sound of his voice. Like a petulant child, he didn't DO anything, no of course he didn't do anything, he's a coward. But he DID say he was gonna shoot me in the back of the head. Now, I live in a major city with borderline oppressive gun laws, so I knew this greasy loser wasn't packing a gun. Especially not on him, in the middle of the sidewalk, next to a gated University. And even if he DID have a gun, he'd have to literally be mentally deficient to think he wouldn't be arrested or killed within ten minutes if he decided to actually use it.

Anyway, I just walk past, because at this point I was just laughing to myself. Seriously, this guy was acting like a god damned child. A good thirty or so seconds later, what should I see but a pair of cops? Ooooh, oh that was lovely. I was tempted to head over to this shitstain and have him arrested for threatening my life, but...I didn't. Not really sure WHY, but I didn't.

I will say this though: I bought my cane yesterday. One day. One day was all I got before somebody verbally accused me of faking my condition. Imagine what people like Saki, Hisao, Rika, Kenji and Shizune, not to mention plenty of others, have to deal with. Kenji can still see even though he is, for all intents and purposes, blind as a rock. People will accuse you of faking on less than that. Shizune must have a LOVELY time explaining that, no, the boisterous, pink-haired girl constantly with her is not her lesbian lover, but her translator.

And Saki, Hisao, and Rika? All they have is their word. They could carry around copies of their test results showing that they have debilitating conditions, but who the hell wants to bother with that? People will probably just see Rika and Hisao as a bunch of out-of-shape losers. Hoo. And when Saki's in that weird borderline state where she needs a wheelchair to get around, but can still support herself for maybe ten to fifteen seconds if she really needs to? All it takes is one picture, and the rest of the world (ie the internet) starts joking that beer cured her legs!

TL;DR people are assholes to those with disabilities. I can't wait until the inevitable time I have to take public transit with my cane. THAT'S gonna be fun.

[forgetmenot]

So, I suffer from chronic pain. I thought it might be Fibromyalgia in the past, but it's not. It's definitely not, thank goodness.

Anyway, I recently purchased a cane for support when the pain becomes crippling. I believe I've posted about the pain issue before, and how one time it laid me out on the ground for about five minutes. I've learned to live with it, and I've learned my limits, hence the cane.

So, I was walking home from class today when some great scholarly mind, He Who Questions All Things, decided to look at me and accuse me of faking. All because my cane is cheap. (I'm a college student, of course my cane is freaking cheap, asshole.) He laughed and said something along the lines of "Look at his fucking fake cane! It's fucking FAKE!" Naturally, I flipped him the middle finger in response.

This is where I just....I realize that this guy genuinely believed I was faking. He was pretty annoyed at that, from the sound of his voice. Like a petulant child, he didn't DO anything, no of course he didn't do anything, he's a coward. But he DID say he was gonna shoot me in the back of the head. Now, I live in a major city with borderline oppressive gun laws, so I knew this greasy loser wasn't packing a gun. Especially not on him, in the middle of the sidewalk, next to a gated University. And even if he DID have a gun, he'd have to literally be mentally deficient to think he wouldn't be arrested or killed within ten minutes if he decided to actually use it.

Anyway, I just walk past, because at this point I was just laughing to myself. Seriously, this guy was acting like a god damned child. A good thirty or so seconds later, what should I see but a pair of cops? Ooooh, oh that was lovely. I was tempted to head over to this shitstain and have him arrested for threatening my life, but...I didn't. Not really sure WHY, but I didn't.

I will say this though: I bought my cane yesterday. One day. One day was all I got before somebody verbally accused me of faking my condition. Imagine what people like Saki, Hisao, Rika, Kenji and Shizune, not to mention plenty of others, have to deal with. Kenji can still see even though he is, for all intents and purposes, blind as a rock. People will accuse you of faking on less than that. Shizune must have a LOVELY time explaining that, no, the boisterous, pink-haired girl constantly with her is not her lesbian lover, but her translator.

And Saki, Hisao, and Rika? All they have is their word. They could carry around copies of their test results showing that they have debilitating conditions, but who the hell wants to bother with that? People will probably just see Rika and Hisao as a bunch of out-of-shape losers. Hoo. And when Saki's in that weird borderline state where she needs a wheelchair to get around, but can still support herself for maybe ten to fifteen seconds if she really needs to? All it takes is one picture, and the rest of the world (ie the internet) starts joking that beer cured her legs!

TL;DR people are assholes to those with disabilities. I can't wait until the inevitable time I have to take public transit with my cane. THAT'S gonna be fun.

Solution: Buy a more expensive cane, preferably out of some hard wood, like oak or cherry. That way, when people accuse you of faking, you can beat them senseless and not have to worry about damaging your cane.

[LilyKitsune]

My only advice is... be open. If you need to, tell him your a tad under the weather. I don't know how he is or how you are so I can't give more advice, but just be open.

If you want the manipulators tips, here they are. People like talking about themselves. If you have a hard time opening up, ask him questions about his personal life and family (don't go overboard, of course) and return the favor if he asks about you, but only on that condition. If you need a quick escape from an awkward conversation, talk about Hearthstone meta or a movie's universe.

Don't worry as much about how disappointing you'll be (you won't if you don't Hanako him halfway through the date) and just listen. You seem interested in him here, so you'll be interested in conversation. I can't quite read into "physical disappointment" with 100% accuracy, but I doubt he'd be completely turned off by the first date unless you find a way to kill his family with a spoon. After all, even if it gets awkward, you can still "date" over Heartstone or some sorta co-op game. (I recommend Alien Swarm or Portal, they have plenty of alternating chances for conversation and game-based dialouge.)

Well things went better after today. I had been open about things, but they also seemed dismissive. I did mention I was worrying about seeming so, and we spoke on skype and played civ v together. 5 hours later, we are much more comfortable in general, he was very complimenty and generally classy (something rare for someone I meet on a dating site) and polite, while making me absolutely embarrassed with pointing out things I did he found cute. I'm so very excited now! But all the more reason to worry he wont think I live up to my pictures x.x

[Eurobeatjester]

I've been single for a decade, and a lot of my friends and family are worried about me.

They just don't understand that while I'm lonely at times, I'm not where I want to be in my own life before I add another person to it. A few years ago I was homeless and living in a car and on the streets for several years, and while I'm doing immeasurably better, there's still a ton of baggage from that which may never go away. I don't want to bring another person into that equation yet, and it might mean I never do.

Plus, I just haven't found anyone I click with on that level which isn't already taken. I'm at that awkward age right now where a lot of women my age are trying desperately to hold on to their youth, or they're rapidly trying to find a husband because of social pressures. Neither of which interest me, to be honest

Ah well, I'm a cynical bastard who's gotten his heart stomped on too many times and probably will be for the rest of my life

[azumeow]

I've been single for a decade, and a lot of my friends and family are worried about me.

They just don't understand that while I'm lonely at times, I'm not where I want to be in my own life before I add another person to it. A few years ago I was homeless and living in a car and on the streets for several years, and while I'm doing immeasurably better, there's still a ton of baggage from that which may never go away. I don't want to bring another person into that equation yet, and it might mean I never do.

Plus, I just haven't found anyone I click with on that level which isn't already taken. I'm at that awkward age right now where a lot of women my age are trying desperately to hold on to their youth, or they're rapidly trying to find a husband because of social pressures. Neither of which interest me, to be honest

Ah well, I'm a cynical bastard who's gotten his heart stomped on too many times and probably will be for the rest of my life

Hooray for cynicism! I'm lucky, I'm only 20. I've still got time, but....I understand what you mean by not being where you wanna be. I worry sometimes that I'll never reach that position, but, well, I'm 20. I've still got time to heal. The aggravating part is that I'm obsessed with having the validation of others, and I feel so god damned lonely. So, while logically I understand that I may not be in the BEST position to be in a relationship....I desperately want someone in my life. Pretty sure I've already said this all, though, so I'll give it a break for now.

[metalangel]

Plus, I just haven't found anyone I click with on that level which isn't already taken. I'm at that awkward age right now where a lot of women my age are trying desperately to hold on to their youth, or they're rapidly trying to find a husband because of social pressures. Neither of which interest me, to be honest

It sucks. I've been rejected (or done the rejecting) of otherwise good women because they want to have kids before they're 40, and I never want kids ever. The cool ones who are focused on their own lives and happiness rather than societal pressure are out there, but they're not always easy to find. I had a second date with a girl last Thursday, and she's the first one I've been out with since the spring who hasn't been overweight and/or crazy.