Post
by SpunkySix » Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:19 am
So, there's this really cool girl a year above me that just transferred to my school about a week ago and is on the cross country team. She's really fast, and she's not Emi bouncy, but she's happy and confident in a sort of chilled out way, which I like too. I've found that I've been able to talk to her, and actually do a fairly decent job at it. I think part of the reason I found myself pushing myself to talk to her instead of hiding away is that I really felt it might be worth it for once. I was even seriously considering asking her out at some point in the near future, the first time that's happened in a long time, and I thought I even stood a chance as an equal. She laughed at my jokes, and was super nice when we talked. Me, having a real shot! Crazy!
Except she apparently has a boyfriend of two and a half years that she really loves and thinks might want to marry her. And I'm just finding that out now after overhearing a conversation when I was running by.
Honestly, I'm not crushed by this or anything. She's only been here a little over a week now, so it's not like I was in love or anything. Still, it's just... why? That's the only way I can think to put it right now. There's no nice reason for that, whether all of this is random or not. Why does life gotta dangle the little carrot in my face like that? It looks good, but there's only so many times it can get pulled away before I start to lose my appetite, y'know?
Here I am, finding motivation to really break away from inside myself and reach out, and then life gives me the big middle finger again right when I start believing in it. I don't get it. Funny thing is, I found myself getting mad at her and then her boyfriend for a minute before I realized how damn absurd that was. Like... how stupid. How dare they be happy, right? Those jerks.
Ah well, just needed to vent that out somewhere. My parents visited today and I didn't want to unload that on them since I wanted to have fun for the few hours that they were with me, so I've been holding it in and it just had to get out. I will say that the experience has helped me open up to the rest of the team and I have kind of taken a step forward socially, it's just sort of a bummer that it had to come with an empty feeling too.
Mixed Feelings/10
"Spunky at his Spunkyest/Spunkiest"
"Tissues to the extreme!"