Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[CoffeeDrive]

You know how in dating sims you'll meet a girl and she'll just completely blow you off, then you follow her around, talk to her, give her things, and everytime you do your points increase and she likes you more?

That's not how people work.

If somebody says "get lost creep," or even just ignores you, you're not going to get them to like you more by sending out more messages, or phone calls, or letters, or anything like that.

Instead you do the opposite.

Everytime you make your presence know, you likes you less and less. Whether she's building up towards hate or fear or both, doesn't matter. She doesn't like you and you're only making her not like you more. She doesn't care you intentions. She doesn't care that you think you deserve her. She doesn't care how you feel. She just doesn't like you. Any attempt at apologizing or making her understand or trying to find out what she mans by something is only going to make her like you less.

She owes you nothing.
You deserve nothing.

She's a person with her own likes and dislikes and needs and wants and all the baggage that entails.

Pretty much this, combine this paragraph with what i wrote and thats basically what girls really think when you do shit like this.

[SpunkySix]

You know how in dating sims you'll meet a girl and she'll just completely blow you off, then you follow her around, talk to her, give her things, and everytime you do your points increase and she likes you more?

I hate those so much.

The one thing I have to say though is that while sending message after message is bad, so is ignoring somebody outright. Even an, "I don't want to talk with you" would be more polite than just leaving somebody hanging. I mean, almost everybody deserves at least base level acknowledgement.

[metalangel]

The one thing I have to say though is that while sending message after message is bad, so is ignoring somebody outright. Even an, "I don't want to talk with you" would be more polite than just leaving somebody hanging. I mean, almost everybody deserves at least base level acknowledgement.

Like I said before, people will use that social grace against you. People with clipboards on the street wanting money for charity, salespeople, beggars, weird creepy stalkers... it's only 'polite' to say "no thank you". Unfortunately, that also gets them a foot in the door and it is that much harder to get rid of them if you've given them that.

It sounds cruel or rude or whatever, but they're using common courtesy in a bad way to try and get what they want, so use it right back at them to get what you want too (to be left alone)

It has extended into the world of dating (especially online dating) and it is something you have to accept in order to function there.

[Khalego]

You know how in dating sims you'll meet a girl and she'll just completely blow you off, then you follow her around, talk to her, give her things, and everytime you do your points increase and she likes you more?

I hate those so much.

The one thing I have to say though is that while sending message after message is bad, so is ignoring somebody outright. Even an, "I don't want to talk with you" would be more polite than just leaving somebody hanging. I mean, almost everybody deserves at least base level acknowledgement.

Truth.

I have a friend who could stand to learn that...Though she does have a legitimate attention disorder so I'm torn between understanding and wanting to smack her upside the head next time I see her. Sometimes I opt for both, which tends to be the best option.

[SpunkySix]

The one thing I have to say though is that while sending message after message is bad, so is ignoring somebody outright. Even an, "I don't want to talk with you" would be more polite than just leaving somebody hanging. I mean, almost everybody deserves at least base level acknowledgement.

Like I said before, people will use that social grace against you. People with clipboards on the street wanting money for charity, salespeople, beggars, weird creepy stalkers... it's only 'polite' to say "no thank you". Unfortunately, that also gets them a foot in the door and it is that much harder to get rid of them if you've given them that.

It sounds cruel or rude or whatever, but they're using common courtesy in a bad way to try and get what they want, so use it right back at them to get what you want too (to be left alone)

It has extended into the world of dating (especially online dating) and it is something you have to accept in order to function there.

Obviously if somebody is already being creepy then encouraging them with a response is bad, but it sounds like a lot of the time they don't even bother trying to say anything after the first normal message and are content to just let some random Joe Shmoe hang out to dry because they think he's below them or something, which is totally snobby. I mean, the worst that happens is he keeps going, then gets ignored for being a weirdo.

[metalangel]

There's no question it's kinda bad and upsetting, but women on those sites can get over 100 messages a day, they can't respond to them all. Even as a guy, you sometimes get too many or from people you have zero interest in and because of that, it has become acceptable practice not to respond, with the proviso that the person sending the message accepts that if they don't get a response, the other party just isn't interested and it's not a personal insult.

Trust me, I needed some time to adjust to this way of thinking too, but I understand why it's necessary.

[Zarys]

Well, well, I see what you mean, but he have only sent two messages and it is already too much for you ? ok if after what Elessar will do she still don't respond, he is forced to suposse that she don't want to see him again, he will no do something more intrusive than that, obviously.
I don't know, okay she will maybe no respond and it's no dramatic even if frustating, but what ? he was supposed to assume she is'nt interreserd without seed at least a message ? he try several times, whith a concrete opportunity; and he wait to see if she react, if still not, he was do all what he have can do.

I don't know, the crush of Elessar on her seems to me abnormally strong for the little they have do and It seems unlikely that it can be completly unreciprocal, and her "shyness" could make her behavior quite irrational, if she don't dare to answer at the first and not more at the second because the time between the two.
It's not like they have meet only one time and she was obviously annoyed...when It looks to works, why it was wrong to try to contact her one or two times ?
And if she is just indifferent to him, she will not be hurted by three messages of a guy who want to know if she is interrerd or not. (And yes I suposse that if she still don't respond, it could be considered as a "no")

And even if she would be "hurted" by that, I don't see why what she feels must be privileged to what feels Elessar; she has the right to don't answer, he has the right to try something not intrusive like that if he is no too persistant; it seems a good compromise to me.

It's seems to me a reasonable measure with the consideration that some womens don't answer in this kind of situation.

For example : Someone meet a woman and we have some dates that seems good for me, she disappear, he send several messages in a period of time in the hope for a more clear no or even somewhat better, and finaly he moves on, he was so wrong to dare to send three or fourth messages (and recontact someone works sometimes if it was reciprocal, and generaly if it's not you have no answer or even a "no" but sometimes you cannot know without try it, even if generaly when the mate is interretd, she/he speak about a next date or says to recontact after) ? okay we must be careful on the proportion (not send too much on too short a time, ect ...) but I don't see what is so horrible to try this kind of communication after a sudden disappearance, he is supposed to be psychic ? of course everybody is free, and if she want to cut any contact like that, okay, but I don't see what is wrong to try at last that.

There's no question it's kinda bad and upsetting, but women on those sites can get over 100 messages a day, they can't respond to them all. Even as a guy, you sometimes get too many or from people you have zero interest in and because of that, it has become acceptable practice not to respond, with the proviso that the person sending the message accepts that if they don't get a response, the other party just isn't interested and it's not a personal insult.

Trust me, I needed some time to adjust to this way of thinking too, but I understand why it's necessary.

Yeah but the dating sites are usualy crappy because they are too much mens compared to womans; in the real-life it's true that some womans can attract many attention but it's a little exagerated, he is not exactly a unknown guy who dredged her on the street and and that many men were fighting for her. (Not that I think she is desperate or something like that, don't twist my words again)
And women who have a lot of messages are usually those who are the most noticed, and that some men who overestimate themselves...of course in this situation these women will just throw you evaluate and everyone except the "best"; a behavior like that in the real-life is as much digusting as think that womans are machines who will have sex with you if you give them enough attention.

And is it a really serious problem ?

Promise me you'll never visit Japan.

Huh ? it's a another culture, and anyway I find people of megacities very weird on this subject.
I suposse it's like in the great american cities where you receive a discharge of taser if you ask the time to a woman ?

You know how in dating sims you'll meet a girl and she'll just completely blow you off, then you follow her around, talk to her, give her things, and everytime you do your points increase and she likes you more?

That's not how people work.

If somebody says "get lost creep," or even just ignores you, you're not going to get them to like you more by sending out more messages, or phone calls, or letters, or anything like that.

Instead you do the opposite.

Everytime you make your presence know, you likes you less and less. Whether she's building up towards hate or fear or both, doesn't matter. She doesn't like you and you're only making her not like you more. She doesn't care you intentions. She doesn't care that you think you deserve her. She doesn't care how you feel. She just doesn't like you. Any attempt at apologizing or making her understand or trying to find out what she mans by something is only going to make her like you less.

She owes you nothing.
You deserve nothing.

She's a person with her own likes and dislikes and needs and wants and all the baggage that entails.

I have never says that I think I'm in a fucking VN, WOW ! I just said that try to contact a girl with you have do some things is not wrong because at worst she will refuse or don't answer....ok if she don't care she will just be irritated by that, but how he is supposed to know it without try that ? okay if she don't cares it would don't works but you have never contacted someone you meet and re-see this person ? if some person are so bothered by a simple message, sorry but it's maybe them that have a problem.

And you need to consider a little the context of Elessar, too.

[Guest Poster]

Huh ? it's a another culture, and anyway I find people of megacities very weird on this subject.
I suposse it's like in the great american cities where you receive a discharge of taser if you ask the time to a woman ?

No, quite the opposite. The Japanese (and several other societies) consider saying outright "no" to be impolite, so they usually say stuff like "It might be difficult." or "Now might not be the right time." Which still means "no", but you're kind of expected to read between the lines.

[Zarys]

Well..you knows I think that obviously if I go in a far country without know a minimum about the culture here, I will do very mistakes.
Especially since I don't even understand their language.
Although I think that I understand stuff like "I'd rather we remain friends," "it would be difficult between us", I think we don't really think about the same thing : remember that I just said that in the case of Elessar, I think that send a few messages is a good idea, when metangel&co think that I'm a delusive stalker.

[brythain]

Huh ? it's a another culture, and anyway I find people of megacities very weird on this subject.
I suposse it's like in the great american cities where you receive a discharge of taser if you ask the time to a woman ?

No, quite the opposite. The Japanese (and several other societies) consider saying outright "no" to be impolite, so they usually say stuff like "It might be difficult." or "Now might not be the right time." Which still means "no", but you're kind of expected to read between the lines.

Maybe the one exception is the self-deprecatory 'no', which means 'no, I'm not worthy', 'no, it's my fault' etc.

[LordMarluxia]

It's been two bloody months mate!!

...

Elessar, completely frightned by the gargantuan ammount of advice and different opinions on what he should do, started running, some say he still runs to this day. He mentioned a concert, perhaps he was the one to play, while waiting for some girl who might not show up he played nonetheless. Some say... he is still playing, and waiting.
Never to return to the KS forums, were good and bad advice linger. Sometimes not fully distinguishable from one another.

I blame caffeine.

[Zarys]

You're off topic, it's a serious discution here.

[Elessar]

It's been two bloody months mate!!

...

Elessar, completely frightned by the gargantuan ammount of advice and different opinions on what he should do, started running, some say he still runs to this day. He mentioned a concert, perhaps he was the one to play, while waiting for some girl who might not show up he played nonetheless. Some say... he is still playing, and waiting.
Never to return to the KS forums, were good and bad advice linger. Sometimes not fully distinguishable from one another.

I blame caffeine.

This really made my morning ^-^
Yes, i was the one to play, no she didnt show up, but neither did most of the people i know, we had like, 30 viewers? Maybe 40?

And well yea, the amount of different advices and opinions are kind of, not frightening, but offputting (is that a word, im not native english speaker^^)

[Zarys]

Ohhhh....
Still finish you plan (maybe a miracle would happens ?) and after try to moves on... while I encourage you, I don't think you can do much more...what a shame....but at last you have try and nothing wrong was happens, just disappointment...

I am depressed now...

[Elessar]

Ohhhh....
Still finish you plan (maybe a miracle would happens ?) and after try to moves on... while I encourage you, I don't think you can do much more...what a shame....but at last you have try and nothing wrong was happens, just disappointment...

I am depressed now...

No need to be depressed or sad, if it is not to be, i cant change it. And i don't believe in miracles.

Yes, i can't do more, i dont want to do more, i think the communication went a wrong direction. I am not trying to get her to like me more because you can't simply change a persons mind like this. I just need a confirmation for myself. Im pretty sure i know the answer (wich is most likely no answer at all) but i just need it.
And hey, if she does want to hang out with me more often, even if the chances are almost nonexistent, then thats great, but i wouldn't bet on it