Kouryuu wrote:Eh just something I want to get off my chest as I noticed alot of people saying they were lonely etc.
I am completely alone apart from family. And I love it, I hate people, I can't handle relationships or friendships. I felt worse when I tried, I just drive myself insane with how people are. It's not their fault if I had to deal with myself I would go more insane. I prefer solitude. I play online games but I dont make friends with anyone, they are just team-mates that I can leave at any time.
It's not just a sudden thing, its been this way for years and the years before that was just slowly losing all friends from school, I never had a friend for more than 3 months before I hated them. There was only one person that lasted longer and well... I let my depression ruin that (I am over my depression now dw).
I guess its why I get so attached to fictional characters, they are written and usually ideal even if in an unideal way, if that makes any sense. I feel more comfortable I guess. Hmm I dont know how to describe it. Like people are too unpredictable and fictional characters are just...easier to understand? You can always go back and 'study' them and make sense of them, whereas people just.... wtf.
I just want to know why loneliness is a bad thing because its amazing for me.
Loneliness isn't solitude, which is what you're describing. Loneliness is solitude while craving companionship.
As for why it's bad... Short answer? Solitude can be fucking boring.
No, really, that sums it up. Everything stems from the fact that "loneliness is boring". Everything becomes static, fixed, and the days blend and blur together until one day you look at the date for when something was done or released and you think "holy shit, where did the time go?" because there's been next to nothing worth committing to memory over the past five years. At least, in comparison to the five years before that. Or what have you. Doing things on your own, unless you're ridiculously rich or talented and can afford the money and/or time it takes to swap between new activity to new activity regularly, is just... empty.
It also colors your view on your future, for instance. If you've spent the last three years working dead-end jobs for your career plan, and playing single-player video games or something for your free time, where are you going to expect to be in another three years? You've got no one to push you, no one to shake you up, no one to push yourself for, no one to make interesting plans, no one to do things for... etc, etc.
To be alone is to stagnate. For a lot of people, it can feel like dying a slow death. Rotting away from the inside. Or whatever.
For some people, it's what they need, though. Certainly there are times that people can do more damage than avoiding them does. Kind of like the difference between a neglected building slowly rotting away, and some dumbass vandal kid busting in there with a gas tank and a set of wooden matches one night.
The problem isn't that being alone is bad on its own, certainly not when compared to some unfortunate alternatives - it's just that having company you can trust, can confide in, can rely on, can perhaps grow to love - it's much
better. But it, of course, is only better if you actually
can trust them. If being around them is genuinely enjoyable to both parties. If you can trust that if that friend sees you at a weak or pained moment that it won't turn them against you in some way. If you can trust that they won't suddenly stop caring about your interests completely, only using you to further their own.
Unfortunately, it can look like a lot of people are just... not... worth it. It feels that way to me, honestly. It's why fictional characters can be so appealing - they won't turn out to have a horrible shadow side where they put in less than lip service to the friendship at some point, while only using you so they can spend the night at your place while they try to fuck one of their not-interested female friends. (This... happened. I let it happen because the friend had just gone through a stupid breakup and I figured his head was just in a bad place... but the events to follow disproved that naivete.) Fictional characters won't betray you, because the way they're written is the way they
are. Not the way they
appear to be.
(Not that you can't take someone's emotional investment in something and ruin it. Has anyone heard of the Mass Effect 3 ending controversy? I swear, five to ten minutes of something that you keep telling yourself just
can't be canon will just... wreck your enjoyment of the whole series up until then. -_-)
When people are feeling lonely, it's not that they want to have the company of all those idiotic, petty, lying, deceiving fools that unfortunately seem to exist in always-underestimated numbers - it's that they want the company of what those people
would be if they were anything close to what they
pretend to be. Or the company of anybody who
can be like that.
Kaede <3
