Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[MoogleDee]

And I would gladly accept that hug/pat on the head(assuming I am one of the ones you would like to).

After reading through what I just typed, this sounds arrogant for some reason. I apologize if it does, I'm just bad with words.

When I said, 'a lot of people', I should have just said everyone

@Shilver
I think it goes without saying that a lot of the posts in this thread are going to be a little longer than usual. That's not a bad thing, mind you, just that you shouldn't apologize over it. The way you describe your life, it kinda reminds me of my own. I never had any serious bullying issues and it wasn't a terrible experience overall. I never moved when I was growing up though. Like you, I had a few friends who got into smoking pot around the middle school years and it bothered me quite a bit. I eventually tried it just to sate my curiosity but that wasn't until much later, and it was a one-time deal. This is gonna sound super-cliché, and you'll have to forgive my pretentiousness: don't let one girl be the reason you distrust women. I think you know that not all of them are going to be like that though, so I won't press you any further about it.

I still don't know where to start in terms of what I'd like to share even though it's nothing really amazing, but reading through this does help me to strengthen my resolve and is all too clear of a reminder that I should never give up, and neither should any of you.

[Shilver]

And I would gladly accept that hug/pat on the head(assuming I am one of the ones you would like to).

After reading through what I just typed, this sounds arrogant for some reason. I apologize if it does, I'm just bad with words.

When I said, 'a lot of people', I should have just said everyone

@Shilver
I think it goes without saying that a lot of the posts in this thread are going to be a little longer than usual. That's not a bad thing, mind you, just that you shouldn't apologize over it. The way you describe your life, it kinda reminds me of my own. I never had any serious bullying issues and it wasn't a terrible experience overall. I never moved when I was growing up though. Like you, I had a few friends who got into smoking pot around the middle school years and it bothered me quite a bit. I eventually tried it just to sate my curiosity but that wasn't until much later, and it was a one-time deal. This is gonna sound super-cliché, and you'll have to forgive my pretentiousness: don't let one girl be the reason you distrust women. I think you know that not all of them are going to be like that though, so I won't press you any further about it.

I still don't know where to start in terms of what I'd like to share even though it's nothing really amazing, but reading through this does help me to strengthen my resolve and is all too clear of a reminder that I should never give up, and neither should any of you.

Thanks for the feedback. It's just I rarely type anything this long on a forum, and if I do it's always passed over. Weird people actually READ these stories. It's nice (and just to let you all know again, I've read most of the stories here. I did a few pages, got a few more go in my spare time). It's more of a thank you for taking the time out to read.

And ya, I'm I guess the way I described it showed I'm hung up on her. I'm not exactly hung up on her, it's just I'm hung on the ideology that I expected her to fill (fun, cheerful, outgoing). That's why Emi's story really struck an emotional cord with me. It's how I wanted her to be/what I want in a women. I'm sure I'll find someone though, at-least that's what every girl that I'm friends with has told me about the situation. And my distrust comes from my friends also. My friend Zach's big relationship (over 3 years) ended in a very bitter way, I stayed up with him on the phone while he was bawling his eyes out. And his story also has me a bit afraid of women getting close to me. It's easy how quick something so precious can be taken away from you, that's all I want to avoid. It's going to take a lot of trust to get me to open up completely to a women.

I just don't to be "that nice guy" who is funny, but not a guy you want to be in a relationship with. Dieing alone scares the living death out of me.

And I'm looking forward to your story. Can't wait to read it

[Exbando]

Dieing alone scares the living death out of me.

I just wanted to pull this part out real quick. I think that you are too young to think about dying. You're 17, and you shouldn't be thinking this way. Like you said before, you have your whole life ahead of you. Be patient, I'm sure you'll find someone.

I probably shouldn't be talking about this, considering my story, but I feel like I needed to say something there.

@Beoran: I plan on telling her in the next couple weeks. She's away at school right now, and I don't want to just call her or send a message on Facebook telling her how I feel. That just seems...I don't know what the word is that I'm looking for here

Edit: I have more about my own story that I feel needs to be said, I just don't have the time right now to organize my thoughts and type it out. I will say, though, that I find it weird how the more I'm telling you guys about my story, the more things I remember (If that makes sense (I use this phrase a lot)).

[MoogleDee]

Dieing alone scares the living death out of me.

I just wanted to pull this part out real quick. I think that you are too young to think about dying. You're 17, and you shouldn't be thinking this way. Like you said before, you have your whole life ahead of you. Be patient, I'm sure you'll find someone.

I'd say something, but when I was finishing high school that was something I was worried about too. And yeah, I always hate playing my age card (26), but it gets better after high school in some ways so don't worry too much about it.

Also, *dismissive hand waving* it'll probably help not to build too high of expectations of my stories. I have some things to do tomorrow, but I'll post something later in the evening.

[Beoran]

Shilver,

It sounds like you had a bit of heartbreak over that girl. I'm guessing she probably wanted you to be a sex partner, not a boyfriend,
and for that she needed someone sexually experienced. She didn't seem to even consider that she could "tutor" you, so all in all
I'd say it seems she didn't want to get emotionally involved.But you wanted to be emotionally close to her too. You both had different
needs and expectations so it didn't work out. It may be painful to break up after you met someone you got along with wel in
the beginning. Best now to say your farewell to her and let her go.

Also that doesn't mean you should be afraid from other girls now. You just have to try and figure out what it is they really want from you,
and also, make it very clear to them what you want from them. Like that you can avoid such misunderstandings.

[Shilver]

Thanks guys, it's helped. It's nice to type out things that have swirled around my mind the past few months. I thought I was over her, then I played Katawa Shoujo and it reopened my mind. I'm positive it's a phase I'll get over soon again (already am after typing all of this up). So thanks.

Oh, and on the "afraid of dying alone". It isn't that I'm afraid of dying, or thinking about it, I just don't want to be alone my whole life. That's what scares me, if that makes any more sense.

Again, thanks

[Daitengu]

Thanks guys, it's helped. It's nice to type out things that have swirled around my mind the past few months. I thought I was over her, then I played Katawa Shoujo and it reopened my mind. I'm positive it's a phase I'll get over soon again (already am after typing all of this up). So thanks.

Oh, and on the "afraid of dying alone". It isn't that I'm afraid of dying, or thinking about it, I just don't want to be alone my whole life. That's what scares me, if that makes any more sense.

Again, thanks

It does make sense. I should warn you to temper that fear though. I've seen people do some really crazy things because of that specific fear. Like trying to lock a person down by getting pregnant, or acting overly jealous of friends and family. People tend to let that fear cause them to grip another so tight that it destroys the relationship.

Worse are the people that hop from person to person immediately after a break up because they are afraid to be alone. they do it before they resolve any baggage, which just mucks up the next relationship.

I'm saying this because it's what my mother did. Never go into a relationship because of that fear of being alone. Only go into it because you want to be with that person. If you do it out of fear, you will only hurt yourself and the person you are with.

[Hadokant]

I'm kinda new here so please go a bit easier on me in terms of rules

When i was in pre-school i was always insulted due to my body structure
I wasn't fat but i looked chubby. i started to grow vast amounts of hatered over the pre-school. I thought i could only trust myself until one day, another girl who was insulted and shy like me built up some courage to stand up for me. I was so happy because i knew that there was at least one friend with me. So we played together and read books together. It was nice until one day. I accdently caused her parents to divorce. I asked how about how you raised such a nice girl. However, they took this as an insult. They argued a lot while at the preschool. The next day she told me how much she hated me and she never wanted to see me ever again. She moved to france. At this point i broke down and started to question or not if those preschoolers were right. I eventually subcumed and thought of myself as fat even though i wasn't. 6 years later: I'm better now and i knew those insults weren't true but i just couldn't get them out of my head. I ended being like hanako and hid myself away from others. Until one day, i couldn't believe what i saw. It was the girl from preschool. I wanted to talk to her but like in the scence of 5cm per second we were seperated by cars. At that point i smiled and realized that i could finally move on but this isn't the end of my story.
P.S: goodness i wrote so much sorry for wall of text

[Hadokant]

Just part 2 of the story
5 years later: i was at socal regionals to do a fighting game tournament when one of my opponents ended up being her. I honestly thought god was ****ing with me at this point. But after the match we actually talked and was caught with one another. We dated for 3 months. I developed a huge crush on her because she was essitantly my girl of my dreams (sorry hanako =.=). However, i knew that all things don't come to a happy end. Just last week she confessed but also said her original plan was to sabatoge my family and friends for revenge over her family. She told she loved me to much to do that. At this point i was so mind****ed that i told her i loved her but i needed a lot of time to think. I was about to forgive her but i heard news that she was in a car accident. My heart was beating 3 times faster and i didn't care if it was rainning or if i has asthma i ran stright to the hospital. I ran inside and the doctor told me she is going to survive. I Was crying and crying as i walked to her room. There she was, a miracle that she was fully fine. However, there was one thing that shocked me. She had burned marks all over her right arm. At first i thought this was from the car accident but the doctor told me she survived a fire that took both of parents lifes. I couldn't even face her. I was too stricked with guilt and dread. I was about to punch a wall when suddenly... I heard her wake up. I yelled out her name and i was so happy. But now i knew god was ****ing with me. She had anemisca( spelling?). She is exactly like hanako now. I am now currently taking care of her and she wanted to play katawa shougo with me. And that's how i got into this.

[Beoran]

Hadokant,

Don't worry about being new, this is a friendly thread in a good forum with mostly nice people,
if I say so myself. Thanks for your story.

Being bullied sucks, but the most important thing is: the bullies were lying to hurt you.
Don't let those lies hurt you anymore.

I doubt only a few words by you were the cause of your friends' parents' divorce.
It must have been aleady happening without you knowing it. Sometimes, innocent
children will think they did something terible while that's not the case at all. So
don't worry about it, the fact that you worry about your friend show that you
have a good heart.

Edit: as for the second part of your story, again, it souns like something that only happens in fiction,
so that must be rough. I have no idea what to say about such a situation other than I hope it will
work out somehow.

[GaseousMask]

Wow Hadokant.. thats a really intense story. Its like something you only find in books or movies :O. I honestly hope it gets better and i'm sure that you'll take good care of your friend. I still wonder... what kind of parents take a compliment like that as an insult?

[Hadokant]

Thanks you guys
Doing hanako's route with her made me cry so hard.
Although there was one positive thing said in this the thing she said as she woke up
" i see (my name), two sets of shelfs and two ironning boards.
Nurses: WHO ARE YOU CALLING IRONNING BOARD
Girl: i-i'm sorry
*puppy dog eyes*
Nurses: it's okay we are all ironning boards
Me in tears of joy and laughter: *facepalm*
also i heard the song: fate repeated from the tales of destiny 2 soundtrack so good music to listen too for
sad stories

[dunkelfalke]

You cannot, just by an innocent comment, cause a divorce. It can be used as a pretext, that's all. That was not your fault, really.

[Hadokant]

Yeah i know now it wasn't my fault but you can't just let go of guilt you had for a long time

[dunkelfalke]

Not at once, no. But I sincerely hope that after a while it will go away.