It seems like I check in here every year just about... and every time I come here I feel like I say "I wish I could have been here on better terms", well this time's no different and I am gonna have to quote myself to show the changes that have come about since the last time I was here.
Wanderingheartache wrote:Hello everyone, you all probably have not seen me in about a year or so... I've been having computer troubles and naturally posting or even commenting on stories in this thread is quite a chore on a smartphone.
First off, something minor... I've got a computer now. Kind of an ancient desktop, but still runs and it's better than nothing... I think it runs Windows 7 and shockingly doesn't have much issues with some newer stuff.
Wanderingheartache wrote:Things haven't really improved for me... but I'm not here to whine about that, I won't bring up my ex Kyra any more even though she and I still remain pretty close friends but I will still bring up things that bother me currently (and yeah, this still involves certain people who just can't keep their relationship together without hating on me... Hungary and Pythagoras, so be prepared to hear more about them) and what I am afraid of seeing in my future. I'll try to keep it brief and only come back to the past if it is truly affecting my present...
Elephant in the room now, I am going to talk about Kyra... something went bad and I'll leave that for the end of the update. Same with the issue regarding the lovers Pythagoras and Hungary, as well as their continued vendetta against me...
Wanderingheartache wrote:First though, the good news actually... however it comes in bite-size because despite being progress it isn't exactly significant in my eyes:
1.) My father and I are getting along better, he's even offered to drive me to places to turn in my applications and/or to appear for interviews if I get them...
My father and I are at each other's throats again, he's been living with the fear of being laid off again and he's been taking it out on me because I've failed to find employment... he has been trying to push me toward being the manager for a burger place my brother works at currently. He refuses to acknowledge my ambitions to go into programming and says my dream of making video games is "wasted potential"... he doesn't even seem to acknowledge that even if I fail at my dream at least I'd have the same training he did to take over his job should I want to go into his field of employment.
Wanderingheartache wrote:2.) I've sent in my application for college classes just in case I do not get any replies for job inquiries
Have not heard back from the schools I applied to... sent more applications in the interim, have doubts that a 25 year old man like myself will get accepted with how mediocre my high school grades were.
Wanderingheartache wrote:3.) I've become the team leader of the team I joined for cardfight vanguard at a hobby store I live near
I am no longer the leader of a team... I mean I have a team, but no one wants to join it unless it's a last resort. I pretty much play alone in the singles tournaments held every other week now.
Wanderingheartache wrote:4.) I've become a semi-permanent volunteer staff member for some local conventions
I will be losing this position soon, I've been replaced by an app so the info desk department is no longer independent and has been dissolved into the marketing department... since I'm no longer a part of the staff, I am no longer allowed to assist with promotional work.
Wanderingheartache wrote:5.) I've gotten back into writing and I have started writing stories for some people who want to make fan comics
I have been uncredited and pretty much blacklisted from the groups I used to write for... I received payment once during a convention but ties were long severed since then, I was paid half of what was agreed upon and the other half was coupons for restaurants that no longer exist in my area.
Wanderingheartache wrote:and finally 6.) I finally found a group in the city where I live that likes to discuss tokusatsu shows and build gundam model kits.
The group has long disbanded, too many people argued about universal century vs cosmic era and it was decided that the best course of action was to disband the group and go our separate ways... no new group has come to replace it.
Wanderingheartache wrote:Ah, but enough of that... let's move on shall we? I'm going to sleep now, I'll update you all after this weekend is over... it's South by Southwest (SXSW) and I'm supposed to be working street team for a convention. Normally I don't work promotions, but I was called up to supplement the short staff... plus I've always wanted to experience something my city is famous for other than the Sixth Street Pub Crawl
I attended the pub crawl this year but not south by southwest... I was not asked to do promotions this year and I took that as a sign (correctly too I may add) that I was no longer affiliated with the convention I was supposed to promote.
And now, the real reason why I'm here...
It had been about a year since I'd last heard from Kyra, I thought nothing of it because she was working and studying in Chicago. She'd turned up recently talking to a mutual friend of ours (actually, someone she'd known longer than I had...) and when I inquired how she was doing... she blocked me. I do not recall ever doing anything bad or hurtful to her, but for some reason she wants to cut me out of her life? I'm really at a loss for words right now... I mean I would have been fine with a simple "piss off, we aren't friends anymore" but I didn't even get that.
Regarding the lovers though, last I'd heard... Pythagoras finally left Hungary. I think her problems became too much for him and he left her at the altar... That might be the only positive in my life, though honestly I'm not really proud of that either. I mean it's a catch 22, I was right that Pythagoras was an asshole but at the same time I really shouldn't be happy that I was correct with my assessment... I was really hoping he would have proven me wrong and though it would have still been a negative in my life I would have preferred that he stayed with that psycho and tried to work things out to at least make her a better person (or at least less insufferable).
I'm pretty much back where I started before I played KS... alone, lost, somewhat hopeless, just a wandering heart ache. Only this time, playing KS brings me no joy... I feel nothing as if I'd finally died emotionally. I might seek therapy if things don't improve in a month, right now I'm just treating my random deadness as just me taking in what has happened in the past week.
My grandma died, my dad might get laid off, I've pretty much lost a friend I was hoping I could count on, I'm still single, I'm jobless...
I'm hoping that if not tomorrow, sometime before my month long deadline that I'll wake up from this nightmare...
I was drawn to this for a reason, the name I picked was for a reason deeper than I can actually think of... Yamaku is not just a fantasy to me.
(no avatar, I choose to be faceless willingly...)