Well, welcome... Where should I begin though...
AkioVuadan wrote:A little while after that, I was hospitalized and I was put on the correct medications. I was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder with psychotic depression and panic disorder. While in the hospital, I felt more accepted than anywhere I have ever been. I had a terrible panic attack in the hospital, though. I felt terrible while we were at the gym listening to a girl play her guitar and I asked if I could use the bathroom back at the unit. Mid-way, I burst into tears and asked if I could stay in the unit. I cried for around ten minutes. When it was over, everybody walked up to me and gave me a hug. That was a great feeling. Later that day, though, I slipped a fork into my pocket at lunch. My room mate walked in on me attempting to jab myself in the neck with the fork. He got the nurse and she talked to me for a little bit. They put me in the seclusion room for my own safety. I had the closest I've had to a friend when in the hospital. Her name was Shelby. She was the girl playing the guitar. Her music was so beautiful. Since the hospital didn't allow it, we never exchanged numbers. We never got into contact since then.
When I got out of the hospital, I felt great.
I think this part is the most meaningfull. First : I'm curious to know how long did your hospitalisation last.
And why did you felt like jabbing yourself in the neck this day? I think if you mentionned that episode where you cried for ten minutes, it's because it happened only once (or at least, it wasn't frequently). I don't even know if you know why you did that, maybe searching into this will help you, like "why do I feel like suiciding?" or "why do I feel like not living what I'm living anymore" (I guess the second one is easier to work on). Or "Why do I need to follow what those voices are saying?" They're just here to harm you, you don't need them in your life, they're not beneficial to you. I know it's hard to ignore them (I've got a friend that suffers from schizophrenia) but those... Aren't helping you at all, you're not keeping friends that push you down, so why would you keep those voices?
But it seems like those problems are more or less out, so it's a great thing for you, and I'm glad you found us (I'm not that old to the forum, but eh, I'm feeling like home here).
And about those scars, I know that feeling... When it's really hot outside and everybody's telling you why the fuck are you putting long sleeves and you've gotta imagine something, everyday, everytime the same questions.