first off, i want to say a sincere thank you to everyone who replied. i've been struggling with this for a while and i really appreciate the input.
i'll reply to some posts below and then state what i think i'm going to do at the end.
StudyOfWumbology wrote:If he is really that forgiving of a person you should maybe ask him first?
That sounds like a good idea actually. Maybe a heart-to-heart chat with your friend might be in order.
He is that forgiving of a person... but I don't really think there's anything to say verbally. It's either "I flirt with your girlfriend, I think she likes me more than you, can I date her," or... "your girlfriend flirts with me alot... how do feel about that?"
Both of these conversations automatically ruin my friendship with him, while gaining me nothing. He's an easygoing dude, but those conversations are conversations I wouldn't have with anyone, because they're offensive from the start.
Warwise wrote:Stay away from his girl. There are dozens of bitches out there, thousands of single women, and youre looking at your friends girl? That is stupid.
And dream girls dont exist. The first and best way of geting screwed by a girl is to put her in a pedestal and believe she is the solution to all your problems.
I see your point... but you seem a little angry... let's just say that out of the thousands of girls out there, she's the #1 right now. Yes, there are other girls in my life, and yes, they're date-able, but I get along with her the best. I wouldn't say she's the solution to all my problems, but she's pretty fun to hang out with, so she might make my days easier. I'll address the point about him being my "bro" at the bottom.
If you take the girl. You will have a relationship with a loving girlfriend who potentially become your soul-mate and live happily ever after with the cost of a best friend and bad publicity. (which you might don't have to cares about it)
or, you might take the friend and potentially become your friend for life with your reputation intact with the cost of opportunity to get a relationship.
or, you might let things as it's be. Take your times to decide later, but don't surprised if one day the time is out.
Yeah, you're pretty right here. I've logicked this out all at the bottom, but as for the time constraint, I've got to decide whether to ask her to the dance in about a month or so.
You're not taking her away from anybody. If she's so clearly into you and actively flirting as such, how much of her does the guy really have in the first place?
If it's not you, it'll be some other guy that's more interesting than this dude.
"Taking" someone's girl isn't a one-man job anyway. It takes three. It takes the guy not sufficiently fulfilling the chick's wants/needs, it takes a second guy who potentially does, and then it takes the girl willing to make a switch. You can't be blamed for making an improvement any more than he can be blamed for not being enough.
I play a fair deal of poker. Some people are sore losers. She actively flirts with you, you're into her. Sounds like a good hand to me. Now you have a choice to make: You can play your hand and risk the backlash from the losing party (lost friendship, etcetera)
I've thought a lot along the same lines as you've written. I guess replying to this is my plan as a whole.
After bouncing this out for a while in my head, I think I'm going to ask her to the dance. If it's not me, it's going to be some other guy, and I'd like to have this one. The guy she's dating isn't one of my best friends--I've just known him for a long time. He's not going to be offended if I date his girl, nor will he stop talking to me because of it. Like I said, he's a super dude. And if it ruins my friendship with him--I don't really know. It's hard to value one thing over the other. From what I know, he'll be okay with it.
I really enjoy this girl's company, and I'd love a relationship with her. I just texted her straight for an hour, and I had this maniac smile on my face the entire time. As Xanatos said, I'm going to play out the hand I'm dealt. Yes, I do feel a little guilty about "stealing another man's girl," and there's nothing I can really change about that. It's just the cards that are on the table--just got to pick them up and play what you think will turn out best. Folding gets you nowhere. If it comes down the road where I know I'm risking too much for this relationship, I'll fold. But for now, I've chosen to play.
Once again, thank you all for your replies. If you've got anything more to say I'm all ears.