Hanako's Broken Heart Club

A forum for general discussion of the game: Open to all punters
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Auratus
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Auratus » Mon Oct 08, 2012 3:53 am

Well. I think I having sort of Magnenntae's Problem with my new crush and, although rarely, Rin . But unlike Rin, My new crush do exist, and I am yet to know or refuse to know her flaw. (Read my first mention of her at Page 151, You can skip university's thing post).

Little time (2 Days or actually 8+3 hours for each day) I spent with her is shatter my longing feeling with my old crush almost completely and make new one with her. And big distance between us is almost like I was in a dream then, and woken up found no one (somehow my eye turns moisty here). At least I do eat pretzel that she give me, and being sensitive people I am, I then bought very same flavor on same store twice. My books start having her "moe-fied" face and I already got theme song for her and ask my parent to find a book that she recommend me which happens to lost a week before I meet her. then order a new one when it can't be found and after I done this subject's admission test yesterday I also draw her face and a lengthly wish to her in draft area while thinking she certainly doing the very same paper on somewhere far away so after I easily done English test. I imagine myself teaching her like we are doing this together and because I fully aware that everyone is on their own so I am trying to send my knowledge to her as best way to kill time until time up, and even in breaks I feel like I spends time with her during the lunch.

Even she don't know I have crush on her and she might have a boyfriend now. I fear that part of me already want to hug her very moment we meets again and
will never let her go even it's mean depriving of her freedom. I fear my dark side. I fear if I will overly protect my lover and become something like psycho in disguise of love. I fear I just can't let her go, even she want to. Which proven to be bad from my experience.
Last edited by Auratus on Mon Oct 08, 2012 12:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Kutagh
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Kutagh » Mon Oct 08, 2012 9:09 am

@Auratus: That fear that you might never let her go once you get hold of her, don't you think that keeping it inside you, not letting that feeling go, wouldn't end up affecting your next relationship (either with your current crush or a next one)?

I do understand that you don't want it to affect her, so you need to find some way to let that over protectiveness flow away or focus it elsewhere. Perhaps a pet that you can care for? But yes, you're correct, overly protecting somebody can be bad for a relationship, just look at Hanako's arch. Some of my interpreters also were slightly overly protective of me in the sense that they tended to warn me of potential dangers (like staircase nearby) while I already knew it (I'm deaf not blind :roll: ) and it does feel annoying... But it is probably an impossible balance.

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Total Destruction
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Total Destruction » Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:05 pm

RecoiL wrote:Well, never thought I'd post in this thread. I'll try to make this short.
Hooo, boy.

My condolences, boss. I came really close to losing one of my folks not long ago, and I can only imagine that it's pretty rough.

As for advice on school: you've got SOME kind of a plan and motivation. That alone automatically makes you better than 17/18-year-old me, hahah. Doing something in the arts is TOUGH work. Be prepared to bust your ass for a degree that will only serve you in a practical/financial sense if you get incredibly lucky and find a niche. I recommend at least getting generals outta the way first, so that if you happen to stumble on another calling or are just down on your luck, you can at least have a head start on something else, you know?

One day at a time. Baby steps, but keep an eye out and step correct.

Be good!
... Danger.

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Garbax
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Garbax » Sat Oct 13, 2012 12:51 pm

Good day to all of you. I don't usually write about my problems, I'm a lurker after all, but there's been some stuff going on and to be honest I'm not sure if keeping it all inside is a good course of action. They are mostly little stuff, but it came in a cluster, so let's get started

I'm currently working on a pretty stressful job, great pay though, but there's a supervisor that just hates my bones, thinking that I'm there to one-up her and make look like an ass. Thing is, she has a gazillion years in the company so the Board of Directors, who at least are quite happy with my job, are willing to listen to her complaints first than anything else I might chip in. Working has been more stressful than necessary because of this person. Also, my digestive system has been quite sick since a couple of weeks. The details are pretty gross so I'll keep them to myself but it has been quite awful.

All of this pales in comparison with the fact that the person I finally found to be an almost 100% match for me, and viceversa, is going to live overseas in a few months. We've been great friends, her being the only person I can share almost if not anything, be it tastes, views, opinions, etc. She is a person I could see myself growing beside her. Though I knew that she was going to live overseas for some time already, she has steadily growing on me, Though I've at least managed to not develop those that you can call love, I might end up falling for her if I'm not careful. She turned out to be some sort personal "Lilly" to me.

Thing is, part of me wants her to go live there, I live in Venezuela, which is a pretty violent country, whereas where she is going she has her family, work possibilities, and pretty much her life laid out for her. It would be very selfish for me to wish for her to stay in our country.

Well, I'm sure it might not be as serious as some stuff posted here, but it helps dropping the load. Thanks to anyone who reads this, I'm grateful to both you and Katawa Shoujo for letting me have such a rich experience and finding these forums.

masuda
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by masuda » Sun Oct 14, 2012 11:01 am

My last entry in this topic was more than half a year ago, but guess what, things have turned out to be good since then. I don't have the money issue i had back then, and heh, i even met a nice girl. Im about to deepen our relationship, with everything that happened in the past in mind ofc. I wont make the same mistakes, and so far it seems to be working. So all i have to say is that there is a brighter future ahead of all of us here. Sure what happened in the past is bad for a while, but all you have to do is to move on rlly. It worked for me! Id like to thank everyone who gave advices back then as well.
<3 Hanako <3 Lilly <3 Shizune <3


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Reksho
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Reksho » Mon Oct 15, 2012 5:28 am

masuda wrote:I don't have the money issue i had back then, and heh, i even met a nice girl. Im about to deepen our relationship, with everything that happened in the past in mind ofc. I wont make the same mistakes, and so far it seems to be working.
I really love seeing these kinds of posts. Makes you remember that this topic is here with a reason; that this forum contributed even a tiny bit to helping people. Between the loads of problems described in this topic, it's nice to see that sometimes, things do go in the right direction. I wish you and everyone the best of luck.

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Xiious
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Xiious » Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:54 pm

Little update:

Yes, I'm still alive. The sniper missed.

Been in and out of the doctor's and the hospital many times with everyone trying to figure out where this random, powerful, almost-killed-me-once cough is coming from. So far, no luck. It's now been a month and a few days, and I've been knocked out cold because of this cough once. I wish it would just go away.

It sucks not having my own Internet, but I will strive to somehow acquire my own so I can become an active member here once again. For everyone who's stories I haven't read yet, I apologise and I will get to them eventually.

Xiious

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The most despicable thing to do is make a girl cry.

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Xanatos
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Xanatos » Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:30 am

Xiious wrote:Little update:

Yes, I'm still alive. The sniper missed.

Been in and out of the doctor's and the hospital many times with everyone trying to figure out where this random, powerful, almost-killed-me-once cough is coming from. So far, no luck. It's now been a month and a few days, and I've been knocked out cold because of this cough once. I wish it would just go away.

It sucks not having my own Internet, but I will strive to somehow acquire my own so I can become an active member here once again. For everyone who's stories I haven't read yet, I apologise and I will get to them eventually.

Xiious
Closed your curtains. Good man.
<KeiichiO>: "I wonder what Misha's WAHAHA's sound like with a cock stuffed down her throat..."
<Ascension>: "I laughed, cried, vomited in my mouth a little, and even had time for marshmallows afterwards. Well played, Xanatos. Well played."
<KeiichiO>: "That's a beautiful response to chocolate."

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Pseudogenesis
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Re: Hanako's Broken Heart Club

Post by Pseudogenesis » Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:50 pm

Xanatos wrote:
Xiious wrote:Little update:

Yes, I'm still alive. The sniper missed.

Been in and out of the doctor's and the hospital many times with everyone trying to figure out where this random, powerful, almost-killed-me-once cough is coming from. So far, no luck. It's now been a month and a few days, and I've been knocked out cold because of this cough once. I wish it would just go away.

It sucks not having my own Internet, but I will strive to somehow acquire my own so I can become an active member here once again. For everyone who's stories I haven't read yet, I apologise and I will get to them eventually.

Xiious
Closed your curtains. Good man.

Bitches are everywhere, you can never be too safe.
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Mashup of the month: "Damn It Feels Good To Be a Cripple"

Skittles
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Getting things off my chest.

Post by Skittles » Thu Oct 18, 2012 1:01 am

I've never really talked about my feelings like this to anyone, online or otherwise. However I'm at the point now where I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I have to reach out and have atleast someone listen to me. I know this is long winded and comes probably comes across as rambling, but I felt I needed to get everything off of my chest. I'd just like to talk about some of my thoughts.....maybe someone can help me have perspective on what I'm going through. I guess I'll start from the beginning. I've struggled with depression before, and before High School started I had a really bad year in middle school where I was in an emotionally bad place. I was very paranoid and socially terrified, I was afraid of people I had no reason to be and actually attacked some of these classmates. At first I had a reaon to as I had sort of been bullied, but the next few incidents were almost completely uncalled for and I got suspended numerous times. I'm sure others thought something was wrong with me. Trying to look back on these times I can't even remember what it was like to be in my head. In a way thats a good thing, it was the lowest point of my life.

The last time I got suspended was right before Christmas break, my dad pulled me out of school. Around this time I went to my mom's over christmas vacation. The very day I got there I ended up becoming paranoid and anxious and ended up fighting my step brother for no reason. After this I just sat in bathroom and cried, to afraid to even talk to people. I ended up getting my return flight changed so I left a week earlier. When I came back home I started online school. Looking back on it this was probably the worst possible thing for me. I had all the time in the world to be isolated and in a way that made me happy. I started self harming myself, nothing too bad but it left some scars that today are faded and barely visible. I was completely unable to cope with other people, I would stay up all night and watch anime or play games, trying to take my mind of reality and live in my own world. I gradually stopped doing school work all together. This continued until summer, when I again left to go to my moms. I don't really think there was a reason for it, but I started improving. I could talk with other people there and was more or less acting normal.

This went on until summer ended and I came back to start high school. I was terrified at first, the prospect of even going to school again made me just want to hide in my room. However things ended up being okay, I was quiet and my first year was uneventful, I made a couple of friends and didn't do anything outside of school. My second and third year picked up, I had friends I would see outside of school and was pretty normal for the most part. My last year most of my friends had left, although I still had people to talk to at school. It was mostly boring and uneventful. I ended up playing Katawa Shoujo in February I think. I went in without reading much about it before hand, I had never played a VN before in my life. I went in blind, not even knowing there were different routes. I ended up getting Rin. I played through her route and the whole time I played it felt like it was emotionally draining to me.....I felt things I hadn't even really felt before. At a few points I cried, hard. It was like my eyes were open in a way. I felt I kind of connected with Rin, the whole emotional experience felt very real and I felt like I just went through all of this myself. After Rin's route I felt depressed. I would lay in bed and try to get myself out of it, but I just couldn't. I felt like even death would be better than feeling like this, but I don't think I would ever end my life.

I think a week or two after I finished Rin's route I started Lilly's. I really liked Lilly's route, however it also affected emotionally, leaving me feeling quite sad and empty after it ended. I was still depressed while playing however, and I just couldn't get out of my head, it felt like no matter where my thoughts drifted it always came back to hopelessnes, I felt like no matter what I did it wouldn't matter, I would always feel like this. Some time after I started up Shizunes route, I got to the point where you decide to accept or reject Misha's advances then I just stopped playing. I don't really know why, maybe because I didn't really connect with Shizune's route. Then in march, my dads business ended up closing down so I graduated early and we moved to where my mom lives, which is quite far away. I ended up moving in with my mom. At first I was glad to move, I hadn't been happy at all with my situation. After moving things got better, I really didn't do much. I stayed up all night and played video games and talked to friends on skype. I had been thinking about it right before I moved, and decided to join the military, I signed up and went through the paperwork, and was set to leave in November. I started to hate where I was at though. It felt a bit like purgatory. Even though this was where I grew up, I know longer knew anyone and didn't want to meet anyone else. I was simply waiting until November to leave.

I began having some back and forth depression. I would feel kind of okay, then I would get hit with a wave of depression. For some reason one night alone I decided to finish Shizunes route, it left me feeling kind of melancholy, although it wasn't anywhere near how I felt after finishing Rin or Lilly's. This brings me to where I am now. I went to see my dad, who lives about 40 minutes away. I started Emi's route and played through it quickly, finishing two acts in a night. I did like Emi's route, however I didn't really connect with her. I've still felt more depressed than usual lately, and I went through Emi's route sort of fast, wanting to get to Hanako. Yesterday was the day I began playing Hanako's route, and I ended up playing a large portion in one go. I stayed up all night, around 7 a.m. I tried to get some sleep. I felt horrible though, maybe even worse than I did when I finished Rin and Lilly's route. It was the same feeling of hopelessnes, I absolutely didn't want to feel that way. I felt like I was trapped, no one to talk to, nothing to do to take my mind off of anything. I began thinking about leaving for the military in a few weeks, about my future, what I really want to do. I was horribly depressed, I ended up getting out of bed because there was no way I could sleep like this. I got back on the computer and finished Hanako's route. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I feel like I'm thinking with empathy again, and actually thinking about what I'm doing.

I got the good ending, and it left me feeling drained. Throughout Hanako's route I started doubting my own decisions, feeling stupid for some of the things I've decided. I'm not even sure about the military, I think I've just rushed things and neglected really thinking about them. I wanted to cry but couldn't. I simply sat around for hours, looking out the window or sitting somewhere, I just couldn't get my mind off of these thoughts. I stayed up until around noon until I was so tired I could get to sleep. I didn't wake up until 8 p.m. when it was dark. I felt better momentarily until an hour or so passed and my thoughts returned. I ended up talking to my dad a bit about whether I should I even join the military. He noticed something was wrong with me and we started talking. This is the first time I've really brought it up or doubted myself this much, I feel unsure of everything now and hopeless. I'm writing this because I really don't know what else to do. I feel like screaming or crying or something. I appreciate anyone even looking at this, and am just looking for people to open up to and maybe help me through this. Even though there's the problem of if I even want to leave, I feel like it's more than that. It's really hard for me to talk to with anyone and I don't know what to do. It's just like theres a deep pain in my heart that I can't really explain or do anything to help, I can't even fool myself into feeling better. I apologize in advance for making anyone read this, but I really needed to say this.

Corinlee
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Re: Getting things off my chest.

Post by Corinlee » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:30 am

dear Skittles... dear, dear skittles...

you know who you remind me of?

Hanako. Though you do not have scars that show on the outside, you lead a somewhat sheltered life, and she has much of the same problems as you do... though it is nice to see that you are opening up for helpful posts here.

I am glad to see that you have found a way to express what you feel, albeit through the 'Net of all places. My sister has that depression problem like you, where she is cheery one day, then completely shuts out her family the next day. I feel that i need to say this: i have only been playing Katawa Shoujo for a few days, and i have already completed 3 out of the 5 stories for each girl in the game.

When i played Hanako's arc (story), i felt compelled to jump (literally) through my screen, to hold her within my arms and tell her that everything will be ok. To let her know that there is someone there who will be able to be with her when she needs a friend the most. To let her shed those tears of pain and agony that she had stored up for so long on my shoulder while i comforted her.

In a sense, this game, to me, helps people realize that there are those like you who have depression, or are missing their arms or legs, or are legally blind. but this game also teaches you that no matter how hard you try, it is the person you know that has to figure out how to get over his or her problems, though it does not hurt to help them along the way.

Your story is that you have depression, and you are stuck in limbo, trying to decide what you want to do with your life, how you are going to soldier on through the days. All i can really say is to be strong and believe in yourself, and im absolutely positive that the answer you seek will come to you. I know this probably isn't the best advice you've seen, but at least it's something that you can hopefully build off of. I would say "life is like a game," but we all know that that isn't true.

I hope that what i have put here will be able to help you out, even if it is a little bit :)
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Skittles
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Re: Getting things off my chest.

Post by Skittles » Thu Oct 18, 2012 3:48 am

Thanks for your advice, it's helps a lot to simply have someone know whats on my mind and respond to it.

I feel like finding out what I have to do for myself is hard, and I'm unsure if I can decide.

Until now it seems like I've kind of bottled things up and denied them. But reading over what I've said and your reply makes me realize that yea, I am pretty depressed.

If nothing else I'm thankful that this game helped me open up like this, I want to try and bring myself out of this feeling I have.

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RintaR
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Re: Getting things off my chest.

Post by RintaR » Thu Oct 18, 2012 5:37 am

In a way I'm not very good with words, or talking to people but I would like to let you know that your story moved me.
I feel that I'm feeling somewhat similar to you, in the ways that I feel trapped and depressed all the time with constant worries of the future,
and I also experienced fits of melancholy when I finished some of the routes, namely Rin's in which I got the bad ending on my first attempt.
I hurt me deeply, as it was the first route I connected with so heavily, and even once I took a break and got the good ending, I felt and overwhelming
sense of loss when the arc was finished and I could no longer take comfort in Rin's aura.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know what I can say, I'm stuck for words, but please know that you're not alone in this feeling, and I
would be open to talk about anything you like if you feel you want to, maybe it could be good for the both of us. I wish you good luck, and I hope
you find some refuge in sharing a part of your life with us.
"Maybe I am like that boy, or maybe you are. Maybe everybody is. Doing things you can't do, just because you can." - Rin Tezuka

ProfAllister
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Re: Getting things off my chest.

Post by ProfAllister » Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:12 am

Hanako's Broken Heart Club

160 pages of stories like this. You're far from alone.

There are assholes on this forum, there are trolls, there are huge debates over silly things, and there are people writing huge essays overanalysing trivial details, just like pretty much every forum ever.

But I like to imagine that the character of KS - the genuine nature, the lack of cynicism - has managed to bring together a small community of people who want to connect socially, even if they're terrible at it.

We aren't therapists. There are some situations when you'll need professional help - we can't and shouldn't replace that. But there are plenty of people here who will support you. Some with words, others silently.

Of course, just like Yamaku, this shouldn't be an escape. We want you to pull yourself out of your depression and engage life. You want to make yourself a better person, and we want to help you do that. Not because we share a common interest in a silly visual novel, but because you're a fellow human being. You deserve to be able to make something of your life. If we can help, it's all for the better.
Current Project: Misha Pseudo-Route

Discord ID: ProfAllister#9754

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Reksho
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Re: Getting things off my chest.

Post by Reksho » Thu Oct 18, 2012 8:34 am

The fact that you have taken the time to sit behind your computer and actually type out your problems, is a sign that you took the first step forward to a better life. You recognized that you have problems. You recognized that they bug you. And most importantly, you recognized that something needs to be done.

Many have noticed that this little game makes people reflect on life. And because of this reality check, this forum has a right to exist. You can reach out and we - not only as a Katawa Shoujo community, but as a human community in general - will try to give you a hand and help you move forward. Remember, you managed to take the first step forward, now it's time to go further. ProfAllister above me has some good pointers in his post about this.

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