Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Beoran]

Keneshiro, well, it looks like you have your work cut out for you in several ways. If you want to become a doctor for your ow sake, then tell your father that. Your' not living for him, you have to make your own life.

[Wanderingheartache]

Hello everyone, it's been a long while... I was kind of hoping that when I returned I would be sharing encouraging words and helping people. But today just wasn't one of those days and I regret that my return was on such a sour note...

So, where to begin? Well my brother decided that he should pick a fight with me because he couldn't afford a game he preordered from gamestop because he didn't save up the money though he was planning well in advance... somehow that devolved into why my sister moved out and how my dad doesn't want me living in the house anymore. When I told him I couldn't spare any money for him to ride the bus home from school, he told me that I'm the reason why he's failing out of some of his classes (instead of you know, working on his study habits and cutting back on his gaming) and that I'm an unintelligent person for not being in school.


He thinks I'm leeching off my family by choice, he doesn't seem to realize how difficult it is to get a job after being fired from your last one and spending three plus years applying EVERYWHERE you can just to be turned down or never contacted back. I also found out that he's been talking shit about me on facebook and that he's got the support of people who overall just hated me and were willing to lie about past events just to discredit me... I thought that after high school ended that the rumor telling would have ended and people would have been happy just to cut those they hated out of their lives? The worst part? I found out my sister LOVED the post he put about me to slander me...


I'm sorry to have laid a somewhat "first world problem" down on you all, but I needed to let it out somewhere... this was the only place I could think of where I'm a complete stranger so there would be no bias in the advice.

[Pseudogenesis]

Hello everyone, it's been a long while... I was kind of hoping that when I returned I would be sharing encouraging words and helping people. But today just wasn't one of those days and I regret that my return was on such a sour note...

So, where to begin? Well my brother decided that he should pick a fight with me because he couldn't afford a game he preordered from gamestop because he didn't save up the money though he was planning well in advance... somehow that devolved into why my sister moved out and how my dad doesn't want me living in the house anymore. When I told him I couldn't spare any money for him to ride the bus home from school, he told me that I'm the reason why he's failing out of some of his classes (instead of you know, working on his study habits and cutting back on his gaming) and that I'm an unintelligent person for not being in school.


He thinks I'm leeching off my family by choice, he doesn't seem to realize how difficult it is to get a job after being fired from your last one and spending three plus years applying EVERYWHERE you can just to be turned down or never contacted back. I also found out that he's been talking shit about me on facebook and that he's got the support of people who overall just hated me and were willing to lie about past events just to discredit me... I thought that after high school ended that the rumor telling would have ended and people would have been happy just to cut those they hated out of their lives? The worst part? I found out my sister LOVED the post he put about me to slander me...


I'm sorry to have laid a somewhat "first world problem" down on you all, but I needed to let it out somewhere... this was the only place I could think of where I'm a complete stranger so there would be no bias in the advice.

That's not a first world problem, that's just a fucking problem. And I thought my family members could be cunts. I couldn't give any advice, other than to move out as soon as reasonably possible.

[Wanderingheartache]

I've wanted to move out to get away from my brother and my dad (my dad's kind of a jerk, but I doubt he wants to kick me out... I just can't deal with our differences in opinion as of lately. Plus if I go then the xbox goes with me... he's a gamer and a heavy COD player) but without a job or anyone to support me I'm kind of stuck here. My sister is kind of a bitch about everything but I highly doubt I'm the reason she moved out, if anything I think she wanted to live with her boyfriend and start a life with him...


I'm working my hardest to get outta here, it's taking forever but I feel when it finally happens I'll be on the right path.

[OtakuNinja]

Just... wow.
I'll write a proper response once I get home. The lesson starts now.

[Reksho]

I'm working my hardest to get outta here, it's taking forever but I feel when it finally happens I'll be on the right path.

I think that's the best starting point really. Though I empathize with your story and corresponding problems, I'm glad that you can rationally set such a goal to work towards. Problems like these mostly fog your thinking which results into not defining a clear goal.

As for your situation until you're able to move out, try not giving them the chance to get the better of you. It's true, you still live with them and you're still dependent on them which gives them plenty of reasons to screw with your personal life. Still, I've found that the reason people do this is because they can get a reaction out of you. And that reaction makes them feel good. Makes them feel like they accomplished something. Makes them feel they exist.

Don't give that to them. Nobody can pull themselves up by dragging someone down. Prove that to them. Focus on your own goals, your own endeavors and your own efforts. This will make you focus so much, that they can't get even a needle's worth of a reaction out of you. You will just shrug it of, move on and be successful. And when you finally moved out and stand on your own two legs, you can be proud of your accomplishments.

[Wanderingheartache]

I hope I'm strong enough to stand on my two feet for real when I eventually have that job... I want to believe I'm competent to live on my own but I confess I'm terrible with money, when I had my job I ended up focusing on my wants rather than my needs because I was covered for laundry, food, and utilities at 19

[Reksho]

Don't worry. When you live on your own, you'll realize that your needs will become your wants.

[Wanderingheartache]

Don't worry. When you live on your own, you'll realize that your needs will become your wants.

That's kind of what I'm hoping, even as of right now... majority of my money when I have any goes toward food over anything else. Even when I trade in games for new ones, I end up using whatever surplus on getting myself groceries for the day as I cook my own dinner while my mom works night shifts and if my dad is on a business trip. (as of right now he's been gone for a few months, training people in singapore... he won't be back till november)

[Beoran]

Wanderingheartache,

Keep at it for finding a job. Since you don't have an extended education, perhaps try to develop some professional skills. I said it often, but for every 100 letters or e-mails you send, you may only have 1 concrete job offer or less. S spam away. Perhaps look fora job more far away, and move when you get it.

As for handling money: my advice is to save as much as you can because you'll need it once you will have a love partner. If you like gaming, then buy the console of the last generation, the games will be much cheaper. I just got a PSP sice the Vita came out and I got many games for not too much money. For grocery shopping, try a discount supermarket like Lid, Aldi, or whatever it is they have in your corner of the world. If you're careful and avoid some of the lower quality items they have, you an buy decent quality food and daily use goods for a lower prices than in regular supermarkets. Or try the store brand if no discount supers are around.
And there are many other tricks to save money. Get to know them so you're ready to move out. I hope it will all turn out well for you.

[OtakuNinja]

You don't have any other relatives you could live with?
You family sounds like total Jigoros, at least your siblings.

Also, your brother blamed YOU for the fact that HE couldn't afford a game? That's just wrong.

and that I'm an unintelligent person for not being in school.

After reading this, I assume you didn't go to university?
I don't know where you live, but I'm sure it's very very hard to get a job with only a high school education.

[Keneshiro]

Welp, turns out the local med school is partnered with the med school I was just kicked out of and they have a policy which states that since I've been rejected by one of them, none of them can accept me. It's like a blacklist. Things just get better and better.

[Wanderingheartache]

Beoran- thank you for the tips, I will keep them in mind... I learned some bargain hunting skills from my mom so clipping coupons will be easy for me.


OtakuNinja- When I was seven years old my family was moved from San Jose, California to Austin, Texas when my dad got a promotion... I literally have no other family here other than my grandmother and uncle from my mom's side who moved into this house almost a year ago. All my family is either in California or Nevada and sadly are not equipped well enough to support me if I continue to fail at job hunting. My brother didn't really blame me for the game, I'm sorry if that was implied... I meant to say that he was angry about it and somehow it devolved into him arguing with me about what my dad wanted and how my sister moved as well as ignoring his gaming addictions and blaming me for his poor study habits.

It is insanely hard to get work without having some college under my belt, it is kind of funny how fast food places refused to hire me because I didn't look responsible by not going to college even part time... I've seen places hire and fire people who supposedly have classes and want to work part time in the same day but don't call me back when I inquire about the job. (maybe it's because I asked for full time at first?) My parents are willing to pay for my college and I would accept it when the next semester starts... it sounds bad to say that college is my last resort, but in all honesty I'm not meaning to make it sound bad at all. I just missed registration when my brother signed up because I had a job interview that couldn't be rescheduled.


Basically my family rundown is like this:

Mom- pretty cool, encouraging, and impressed that I refuse to give up job hunting and keep going even when it looks like I'm going to collapse.

Dad- he and I don't see eye to eye on everything, but I can tell that he has some respect for me because I'm still trying to get a job... he may be annoyed at times but he has to be somewhat impressed that I haven't given up yet and that I refuse to let setbacks deter me.

Brother- as of lately he's got a holier than thou attitude and feels entitled because my parents are paying for his schooling... he finds opportunities to belittle me and insult my intelligence because he's in school. It is convenient for him to complain too because he just so happens to get home when I'm sleeping from exhaustion from job hunting and when he leaves for classes I've just so happened to be taking a break by playing a video game or two to try and decompress before starting the exhausting routine all over again.

Sister- truly spoiled, everything that she's gotten in life was handed to her... the only thing she earned was her grades, as of right now I'm pretty sure my parents pay the insurance on her car (still) and half her tuition for school. I'm not going to complain about the latter, but the former should be her responsibility because she moved out and has a job. I can understand if she needs to pay rent on her apartment, but I feel she and her boyfriend combined make more than enough to cover the rent AND the insurance on one of their cars... to my knowledge her boyfriend has a better job than her. (she's a waitress and he works at the bank the last I heard) It actually surprises me that she doesn't leech of of him like she used to with my parents... maybe I have her figured out all wrong and perhaps she is growing up? But I'm still bothered by the fact that she teams up with my brother in putting me down all the time.


Keneshiro- wow man, that really blows... that's kinda like how even though I didn't get charged with selling alcohol to a minor, I'm still blacklisted from working at the gas station chain I was terminated from.

[demonix]

For grocery shopping, try a discount supermarket like Lid, Aldi, or whatever it is they have in your corner of the world.

I don't even have to go to those shops with the shopping budget I have, since I can walk into my local icelands and for around £30 I can get enough food for 4 weeks.

Although buying basic range items can cut the spending as well (that £30 spend also includes some of the basic rage items I get to add to the food shopping run).

[OtakuNinja]

Welp, turns out the local med school is partnered with the med school I was just kicked out of and they have a policy which states that since I've been rejected by one of them, none of them can accept me. It's like a blacklist. Things just get better and better.

That's just wrong.

OtakuNinja- When I was seven years old my family was moved from San Jose, California to Austin, Texas when my dad got a promotion... I literally have no other family here other than my grandmother and uncle from my mom's side who moved into this house almost a year ago. All my family is either in California or Nevada and sadly are not equipped well enough to support me if I continue to fail at job hunting. My brother didn't really blame me for the game, I'm sorry if that was implied... I meant to say that he was angry about it and somehow it devolved into him arguing with me about what my dad wanted and how my sister moved as well as ignoring his gaming addictions and blaming me for his poor study habits.

That's unfortunate.
Your brother really should try seeing things from your perspective, and quit gaming. But the former is more important, since it affects you too.

My parents are willing to pay for my college and I would accept it when the next semester starts...

Brother- as of lately he's got a holier than thou attitude and feels entitled because my parents are paying for his schooling... he finds opportunities to belittle me and insult my intelligence because he's in school.

Sister- truly spoiled, everything that she's gotten in life was handed to her... the only thing she earned was her grades, as of right now I'm pretty sure my parents pay the insurance on her car (still) and half her tuition for school.

This is what I don't like about the US (and most countries in general). You have to pay for your education, medical treatment and a lot of other things. Wealthy families can manage, but poor families have a really hard time.
Here in Sweden we get free education, free medical treatment (only a symbolic fee) and many other things which Americans have to pay for. Our taxes cover it all, and everyone pay an equal amount to help educate future generations It doesn't matter if you don't have any kids or if you have 8, you still help paying for it.
I talked to some exchange students last week, from Japan, China, Germany and Georgia (the country). They were stunned when they didn't have to pay for lunch. Even though some schools have better food than others, everything is free. You can eat how much you want and it's still free.

Wow... It wasn't my intention to complain, but I just think the world is unfair when it comes to this. Every day I see American shows with people havign trouble paying for their children's education. It's the beginning a dark spiral.