Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Beoran]

Great, Dwarduk! Now keep at it! I hear you'll have a lot of work to do and not so much time to do it, so focus from the beginning. And don't forget the social aspect, it's may be fine occasion to meet a girlfriend too.

[Auratus]

After I finished Rin's and Emi's path. I realized that they're a point which me and Rin. and surprisingly, my crush and Emi have in common. It is that we have no "friend". I am kind of loner. So I often be the last who have a group in any group work, and I feel like I am only one who ever worked with 40 classmates if combines several 7-8 person group. I don't know whats wrong with me, like Rin. After I finished Rin's path for a week. I sum up my problem as "People wants me to speaks. But when I speaks, No one heard it. People thinks I want to be mute while I realized they aren't deaf. I cry out, My voice resonances in silence." and I thinks Rin would be like "People wants her to speak but no one want to hear her." in a way or others. I think my crush are only one who I want to tells her how I feels about classmate. But I screw up our "friendship" by tell her I want to hug her three months ago. Occasionally catched staring at her to the point she told me I'm annoying and we end up not talikng with each other for two months.

My crush, in other hand, being more or less center of my class. She is de facto vice-class rep. and I'm bit confused when her closest friend (therefore my enemy as he is man) tells me she never consider anyone in class as "friends". But Emi's route tells me how exactly she means and point me that I too have no "friends" in class. I seldom Emi-inspired run which surprisingly, a classmate asked me why I smiling while running. I think it might because I do forget about loneliness when running. I wish I have that smile again as my smile are "consumed" by something since I distance myself with her and realize she can be first and only human (for a while at least) I can called her "friend". I don't want to go back in time and take my words and sights back, nor apologize her for being annoying. As everything I done are really what I feel toward her. I just wish that she know what I really want to say. I want to talks to her but to think I can't explain what I want to and speechless if she want to hear what I want to talk. I can easily imagine myself hugging her... and cry.

[Helbereth]

After I finished Rin's and Emi's path. I realized that they're a point which me and Rin. and surprisingly, my crush and Emi have in common. It is that we have no "friend". I am kind of loner. So I often be the last who have a group in any group work, and I feel like I am only one who ever worked with 40 classmates if combines several 7-8 person group. I don't know whats wrong with me, like Rin. After I finished Rin's path for a week. I sum up my problem as "People wants me to speaks. But when I speaks, No one heard it. People thinks I want to be mute while I realized they aren't deaf. I cry out, My voice resonances in silence." and I thinks Rin would be like "People wants her to speak but no one want to hear her." in a way or others. I think my crush are only one who I want to tells her how I feels about classmate. But I screw up our "friendship" by tell her I want to hug her three months ago. Occasionally catched staring at her to the point she told me I'm annoying and we end up not talikng with each other for two months.

My crush, in other hand, being more or less center of my class. She is de facto vice-class rep. and I'm bit confused when her closest friend (therefore my enemy as he is man) tells me she never consider anyone in class as "friends". But Emi's route tells me how exactly she means and point me that I too have no "friends" in class. I seldom Emi-inspired run which surprisingly, a classmate asked me why I smiling while running. I think it might because I do forget about loneliness when running. I wish I have that smile again as my smile are "consumed" by something since I distance myself with her and realize she can be first and only human (for a while at least) I can called her "friend". I don't want to go back in time and take my words and sights back, nor apologize her for being annoying. As everything I done are really what I feel toward her. I just wish that she know what I really want to say. I want to talks to her but to think I can't explain what I want to and speechless if she want to hear what I want to talk. I can easily imagine myself hugging her... and cry.

My advice, which you should take with a grain of salt, is to approach her in a neutral setting. Don't bring it up in class; she seems to be against that kind of discourse occurring in a classroom setting. Try talking to her at lunch, out during a school function, or just out in the parking lot after class; aim for a time when she's not surrounded by people, but will still feel safe enough to listen.

It may seem like a tall order, but if you're as interested as it sounds, finding an appropriate time and place to tell her how you feel shouldn't be terribly difficult. How to go about it; that's up to you. Given your evident awkwardness socially, you might want to have something prepared - you might even try the note-in-math-book (or whatever other appropriate location you can think of) trick employed by Iwanako, so she knows what kind of meeting she's walking into and can be suitably prepared; and not feel outwardly threatened.

Like I said, though, my advice should only be taken with a grain of salt. It's completely possible that I have no clue what I'm talking about, and your situation is specific enough that a general answer may not be the best way to handle its intricacies.

Good luck, either way.

[Beoran]

Auratus, thank you for you story.

Sorry to say, but it sounds to me that your crush isn't interested in you romantically. You told her that you'd like to hug her, which is although a bit clumsy, a way in which you told her that you liked her more than just a friend. If she was interested in a relationship with you she'd have probably given you a hug. She's had 3 months to reply and didn't, so that means most likely she isn't interested at all. Now when I was young, I have been obsessing over the same girl for years, even though she didn't like me back. I can only say: DON'T DO THAT. FORGET ABOUT HER! Seriously. Maybe you can be friends, but you will never ever be more than that. So let her go, and look for love with someone else.

[Auratus]

Thank Hellbereth and Beoran

I... think I fighting to myself in the past about whatever should I took the several opportunities. But, as I said. I end up tells myself I will lost in word. Mainly because I am kind of Emi-ish thats I don't want to make myself being burden of anyone and I think I simply can't open my troubled mind to her yet or make myself even more annoying. I sometimes tells people I'm fine when I'm apparently crying. Actually my crush already have "girlfriend". She was in school with only female (little doubt where her "friends" are), and she dropped a year for some reasons. then she might be like "thrown" to my school. She is determined to go after her girlfriend in university and I too feel like I NEEDS to enroll in the same university. (we are in same grade as KS.) The university having highest score required compare to others, and she surely can enroll there as she is top in class. I was having determination to study to beats her and to enroll in the university. But it's burnt down by distance between us and I feels simultaneously more and less attached to her. I am now feels like I have no purpose at all in studying but doing homework while others study for admission exam. I am want to follow her wherever she go as long as it's conflict with social norms. I want to just sit with her in silence. Only her existance near me can greatly relieved me. I still miss her when she is ill in whole last week. (She somehow aren't resistant against ailment) and give her homework when she back to school in this Tuesday. But for some reason. I just can't give it to her directly.

I know that if I do (and can) go after her in the university. It will be just prolonged goodbye, but I still needs to go there. Anyway.

[OtakuNinja]

A short question related to my new school; WHAT THE HELL DOES "DANCE ORIENTATION" MEAN?!?!?!
It's the last class we have on Mondays, and I'm a little shocked since it has nothing to do with the "theme" of rest of the classes.

[Helbereth]

WHAT THE HELL DOES "DANCE ORIENTATION" MEAN?!?!?!

Out of context, I assume it's the direction one is supposed to face while dancing.

[Nyzer]

It sounds like you only want to go to that university because she's going to be there, but it sounds like she's not only not interested in you but isn't even interested in your gender.

I don't think that's entirely healthy. You need to distance yourself from her emotionally and following her to university is probably going to make that problem worse instead of better.

I want to just sit with her in silence. Only her existance near me can greatly relieved me. I still miss her when she is ill in whole last week.

Because this makes it sound like you have a strong infatuation with someone who doesn't even consider you a friend, and that's not good for you. At best, you'll get a Misha-like existence where you put on "fake happy" as best as possible while you burn up inside. At worst... it kinda sounds just a few steps short of stalker-like, and that's definitely not good. You've made this girl way too important in your life from way too little interaction, by the sounds of it.

her closest friend (therefore my enemy as he is man)

This, too. Especially if she's got a girlfriend already. She's someone who's in a relationship with someone of her own gender, but you're regarding a platonic friendship with someone of your gender as a threat. It's not very logical, which shows that you're emotionally/unconsciously worried that if she does break up with her girlfriend and then becomes interested in guys (I dunno if she's gay or bi, so the odds of that are uncertain) that someone else will be in the way between you and her... it makes it sound like you're putting a lot of hope, too much hope, on the possibility of a future with her? I could be wrong about that. But honestly, if everything about her is what it sounds like, you shouldn't even be slightly considering the idea.

But I'd definitely say that following her and continuing to make her so important to you is a very bad thing for you. And it can eventually lead you to clash with her. Everything you've said makes it sound like she's not at all interested in you, and if she did understand your feelings for her, it would probably make the situation worse instead of better. At best she'll feel awkward around you and will probably avoid you more, consciously or not. At worst? I'm not sure I want to go there, y'know?

I've seen what happens to friends when one has feelings for the other, and the other doesn't. Let's just say that the other, her friends, and her family, all hate the one now thanks to what was said when emotions inevitably ran high.

[Auratus]

Thanks all of you. I never imagined myself to talking about my relationship so deep with anyone on internet.

I know I should distance myself from her as some already told me including myself. But... even I having two or three girls who I like ( which I never confessed) but I can and proudly say that I (apparently one-sided) do love my crush, and from everyone here's experience. I guess to cut such bond one would need time. As you can see, even I know it's already (bad) end. I still want to maintain what is left between us. Unlike KS. You wouldn't get credit screen from ending. In real life you instead have to continue and keep playing. I not only want to follow her but also want to enroll there because it is simply one of the best universities in my country. I also think that going to university is something like redeem myself, finding new friends (or any chance, love) which I seemly lack in school.

Regarding to my "enemy". I considered him to be one who closest to being my "friend". He is closest friend to my crush as I mentioned before, and I wouldn't consider him as some sort of enemy if I didn't found him hug my crush like a friend occasionally. Sometime I can take it easily but sometime it "hits me likes physical attack." and drive me in tears in few second. I surely don't want to cut my friends for one-sided lover. But he done what I dreamed to do, and he done it easily.

I just realized I might annoy/tease her way too much and effectively end our friendship myself, and whining here for second chance which I may wasted two-hundredth already. Well, she is only one who worth annoys/teasing for me. It might not well-received as I thought but it somehow happy to observe what she is, to the point of stalking. (I must gone too far) I “collect” her information to the point I hardly doubt if I can’t find her if we part for years. I think, when I look back time we (or I) spend together can considerably brighten my mood. Maybe I should stick to the past’s her and thinking about present’s her less often. And I should brighten my future by making myself smile, without her.

P.S. My last paragraph is look way too happy compared to the rest of my 3 post. Memory of teasing her and listening to Parity can brighten me for day. Hopefully I can do this for years.

P.P.S. In case you want to know. Rin's hair is striking resemble my crush except that my crush's hair is black and wavy. Pretty unique too. She said to teacher that she want to keep it until she reach Senior in university

P.P.P.S. Quite irony, Nyzer. I have same birthday as Misha.

[Nyzer]

But he done what I dreamed to do, and he done it easily.

You mean hugging her, right? The thing is, you want a romantic hug or at least an emotional one. For him, it's probably platonic. That "other" friend I mentioned? She used to be rather huggy with all her friends, male or female. (Actually, it even helped me get over some of my old awkwardness around female contact, those years ago.) But when the "one" friend started to develop stronger feelings for her, she stopped hugging so often, at least from what I noticed. I think this was before he first confessed, but I'd be willing to bet that his actions were starting to make his feelings easy to guess even before that time. I was guessing them to be that way.

Basically, her hugging that friend of hers probably doesn't have any undertones. For you, it would, so...

And I should brighten my future by making myself smile, without her.

Absolutely. Failing that, at least do what you can to find a way to be able to stop sadfacing without her. From personal experience, neutral, as a mood, is a good improvement over despair or depression.

Quite irony, Nyzer. I have same birthday as Misha.

Wahaha~?

[yassodude]

I've had a severe depression after playing KS , mainly because it touched a very sensitive and recent nerve ... here's the story: The main reason I'm sad is because I've never "connected" that much with a girl in real life and i doubt i ever will. And KS hit me deep for many reasons .. I'm young , relatively , still 17 . And I've broken up with my first girlfriend 2 weeks ago , which is probably 3 days before discovering KS , So that made it hurt all the more . It made me realize that the kind of relationship I want is the one Hisao had with (in my case Lilly more than the rest) and from my very limited experience I think that's difficult to find. My girlfriend had a very essential point in common with Emi : Her mother died 2 years ago , and she (like Emi) closed in on herself and never let anyone close , even me her best friend at the time. 4 months after her mother dies we started hanging out again , every now and again she just suddenly look sad , not teary eyed not depressed ... just sad. I knew what was bothering her but she never told me , I kept asking her "something wrong ?" she'd say either "No just tired" or "No really i'm fine" or another cliche'd answer. We were friends since we were 7 years old so I was kind of offended that she didn't trust me but I knew trust was earned and not demanded so I kept acting like nothing's wrong for about 6-7 months until I just couldn't take it anymore . It felt like I was going out with a robot , after 10 years of friendship 3 years of being together we were suddenly sent back to the small talk age . We never discussed anything deeper than small talk. I don't blame her what happened was very sad but after 6 months of only talking about a movie she'd seen or a book she's reading and ALL THE WHILE she's looking like Kristen Stewart , I couldn't take it anymore , going out felt more like a chore with me literally just being there for her . After a year I couldn't take it anymore , so I started thinking differently , Going out to expensive restaurants perhaps flirting more (like we used to) but it was no use , she was still acting like I just met her 3 days ago ... we started going out less and less until we finally just stopped seeing each other.

You might wonder why I'm telling all this in excruciating detail... I haven't told anyone my entire life what's in this post but since I don't know any of you I hope it will never get traced back to me So in conclusion my ex's situation's resemblance to Emi's is the reason why I was severely depressed and kept playing back out relationship in my head several times , wondering if I "Made the wrong choice" you know , or "Got her bad ending" since KS depends on single lines , I though perhaps I said the wrong sentence once which is why she never opened up to me.

The only thing I'd do differently is pressure her to talk about her mother's passing more , perhaps she would've resisted then cried into my arms like Emi with hisao .... shit now I'm depressed again , well I'm going to go read "A Game Of Thrones" see ya!

[Pseudogenesis]

So I forgot to mention. My mom told my dad about her plans for divorce and he's totally fine with it. He said he just wants what makes everyone happy. This is a welcome contrast to his previous reaction, and given the fallout of last time I suppose we've dodged a bullet. We should move into an apartment sometime near the end of the year. It'll be smaller and in closer proximity to my mom and brother than I'm used to, but you won't hear me complaining. I'm glad everything's taking this direction, blah blah. /post

[Xiious]

Lot of talk about schooling going around. I'm thinking about actually going back and getting more credits, mainly in the scientific areas as I only have a credit for Chemistry. I'm thinking about entering into the scientific world, mainly focusing on engineering and physics for now. I haven't looked into universities or colleges yet, so I'm just gonna get all the credits and knowledge I can and then find someplace else to start over, to start a new chapter in my life.

Of course, just because I'm leaving this town in a few years doesn't mean I'm gonna stop coming to this place, where I first felt at home and met some amazing people.

[OtakuNinja]

Today was my first day at the new high school. Except for my grandmother having heart problems and being transferred to the ER, everything went fine. She's alright now, though.

[Nyzer]

I was severely depressed and kept playing back out relationship in my head several times , wondering if I "Made the wrong choice" you know , or "Got her bad ending" since KS depends on single lines , I though perhaps I said the wrong sentence once which is why she never opened up to me.

Hmm. Whenever I think of someone thinking along those lines, I flash back to a Megatokyo comic I read a fair bit of time ago. (You don't need to know the context of the story to make sense of most of what they say on that one page.) That one line in the last panel - "You're not the only one who gets to make choices that make a relationship work or not" - that one's always stuck with me since I read it. (This one, too, comes a bit later on, but with the same two characters finishing their discussion about the same thing.)

Frankly, I never liked Emi's "good" ending. It's basically Hisao bending over backwards to her and apologizing for the actions he made when she put him between a rock and a hard place. And somehow she breaks down and suddenly stops shutting him out so much. It's touching enough, sure, but sits the wrong way with me for a few personal reasons, and doesn't strike me as being super realistic. Even the fight at her house that started that chain of events doesn't seem that realistic to me (at least, not the one when she walks in on Hisao talking to her mom about her. The one Hisao has with her at the kitchen counter, okay, sure, that makes sense).

As I see Emi's route, she got close to Hisao and used him as mainly a friend with benefits. But she never made her boundaries clear from the get-go, and that caused a strain between them later on. Well, okay... It's not the best course of action she could have taken, but it's understandable enough. But then after making herself "clear", she threw out mixed signals left and right. Lying to others about their relationship in front of his face, taking him to visit her mother (and then possibly fighting with him for talking to her mom about the person who connected him to her mom in the first place!)... It's just throwing out heavily mixed signals and then being mad that Hisao tries to make sense of it all. (And that's where my personal gripe comes in, because I've "enjoyed" such a situation before.)

I can tell you from experience that going back and trying to say "well, I'm not giving up, I'll be there anyway" like Hisao did? Doesn't. Work. In real life. It works for Emi because she's a creation that was designed from the start to have a good and a bad ending. Real human beings aren't like that. You can't make a relationship work if the other person is determined not to, you just can't.