Mm, I'd agree that a bit of random back-and-forth is probably best kept to PMs if possible. I know when I was talking with Xii about Latias, and Pokemon in general, I opted to jump to PMs.
Sharing videos and pictures is probably best to do on here, though. That way everyone can see 'em.
That aside...
Xii, I'm glad they're backing off of you. I suspect exploding at her parents in a public setting had a lot to do with that. Again, though, for what they deliberately chose to do, well, they had that coming. Grieving is more than acceptable. Wrongly blaming someone during a highly emotional moment is understandable, if not that acceptable. Choosing to corner someone in a public place to accuse them of lying about a traumatizing moment, and not for the first time... That crosses a lot of lines. Whatever negative thoughts you have about your reaction to that... well.
Never think of yourself as broken, no matter how close you think you are to breaking. The minute you believe you're broken, it will come true. Then it's only darkness.
Hm. I broke months ago. Nearly a year ago, now. It's caused a lot of changes to the way I interact with others - that is, rather than taking the time to go out and visit my younger cousins who basically idolize me for being the cool older cousin with a ton of video games and a lot of willingness to play with them, for example, I have avoided them... and any other human company. I've stayed away from events like a local walk for diabetes, or when a co-worker has a sporting or musical event, or what have you. I say little more than is needed when at the cashier at a grocery store. I have no desire to make friends at work or anywhere else, nor find a love or sexual interest of any kind. In fact, I'd much prefer to avoid any of those.
Before breaking, I'd spent most of the past several years in a slowly increasing state of mild depression, not that I really recognized it at first. Even after I did start to realize it, I still denied and fought it. For every failed attempt to make some sort of improvement to my state of mind, I walked away more damaged and defeated than before. Every time I thought of anything that could be done to better myself, I would become... ah, anxious? Nervous? Worried? Something like that. But I'd do it, feeling nervous the whole time... and on the rare occasions where some opportunity didn't burn out immediately, it seemed only to be for the purpose of letting me build up a larger amount of false hope to destroy later.
With the last year's multiple massive betrayals of trust and faith in the people who meant most to me, I have stopped caring. I've stopped denying that I'm broken. I don't feel anxiety when being asked to do something out of my comfort zone... because I simply won't do it. And I can't be guilted into it, because there is no longer any guilt, worry, or second-guessing about it.
Thinking of yourself as broken brings darkness? Well, that's fine. This darkness is soothing, it's quiet, it's peaceful. And, frankly, I'll take that over any light this world can bring.
It may not be the best mindset for someone to walk away with... but it's far better to walk away from failed hope with a broken spirit than to push yourself until the will to live is beaten out of you.
