Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Wanderingheartache]

I have received my badge, thanks... it really brightened my day!

[BionicKraken]

it's something that ends up helping everyone, both you and whoever you reach out to, since the more you help them sort out their problems, the more you'll sort out your own

It was this kind of relationship with a couple of girls over the years that really helped me understand both mine and other people's motives, emotions, desires and so on. Though it's easy to lose faith in people, I found making an effort to understand people had the opposite effect. More than anything, I believe in people. I'm not religious. I don't have any drive or long-term goal. Yet, like any person, I want to make an impact on the world; leave a mark in some way. So I try to leave that mark in the memories of others. To be a positive force in others' lives, even if it's something small.

However, you don't need to try to be a saint or anything like that. Just try to understand them. Their motives. What pushes them through their hardships. Even the ones you might not like or that you disagree with. Try to find their good side, even if their bad side is more evident. It's often inspiring; at least to me. My point is: making the effort to try and understand people often leads to a deeper appreciation for humanity in general. That's what I've found.

[Beoran]

Redbullet, I see, your situation there... I fear you'll end up losing your job eventually since your district manager's personal dislike for you is a big risk. But it goes to show how hierarchies tend to suck too... It's still too much about being liked and too little about your knowledge, skill and work. Do try to talk to your parents when you are ready for it.

BionicKraken, thanks for your story too. It's true that if we take the effort to get to know and try and understand people, often we find that they are worth while. If only I could be bothered to so. At times, I feel life is a bit overwhelming. It's always easier to stay in a comfort zone and play around.

[Alexbond45]

I decided the best way for me to make an impact is to teach, I have several choices, but I've chosen my favorite class: band, a band Person can go either way, but you always have a kid that will learn

[Walrusfella]

And never look at it as other people's problems being worse than yours. As someone already said on here, everybody's worst problems are as bad as everybody else's worst problem. It's better to comment in threads like this, as it usually ends up being beneficial. Even if you don't know it, you never know who might read it and gain a bit of hope. That's one reason why I decided to post my big long story, besides the relief. That's what this club is for!

Thanks also. I’ve been thinking about that for a bit, and you’re probably right. Here’s my wallahtext, such as it is.

I don’t have any relationship problems, or serious ones anyway. I was fortunate enough to meet the right girl in high school and I subsequently married her. I’m unique among the people I know in that I don’t have any exes and have never broken up with anyone. I have a few fulfilling hobbies, and I get on well with my family. I have a couple of close friends; my ingrained shyness keeps me from having more. Those are the bits of my life that work properly, or that I’ve managed to iron out.

My problems stem from work and its implications. I’ve been at my present job six years, and I hate it. It is somehow both stressful and dull. Two years ago I was promoted to a supervisory position I didn’t want when my previous supervisor, a decent hard working older guy, was shuffled out due to nasty company politics. The small jump in wage wasn’t worth the extra responsibility, but I couldn’t viably stay where I was.

My job pays the bills for now, but my wife and I hope to have children and buy a small house, and I can’t do that responsibly at my present wage. There isn’t much chance of advancement from where I am. I’ve been trying for a couple of years to land a better job, but I do poorly in interviews and can never quite clinch it. I’ve thought about going back to school for a different career, but the costs and risks of “rerolling” at 30 are much greater than at 20. What happened to my old supervisor is always in the back of my mind and I could very easily see it happening to me if I stay there much longer. I feel stuck.

Beoran, I'm sorry to hear about your job; I feel a bit silly complaining about work given your circumstances. I'm glad you have a bit of time to get things sorted. I understand what you guys mean about introverts having to sort of “fake it” at work to avoid negative attention; most people who’ve met me there would think I’m an outgoing, chatty person.

Thanks for listening.

[Redbullet612]

And never look at it as other people's problems being worse than yours. As someone already said on here, everybody's worst problems are as bad as everybody else's worst problem. It's better to comment in threads like this, as it usually ends up being beneficial. Even if you don't know it, you never know who might read it and gain a bit of hope. That's one reason why I decided to post my big long story, besides the relief. That's what this club is for!

Thanks also. I’ve been thinking about that for a bit, and you’re probably right. Here’s my wallahtext, such as it is.

I don’t have any relationship problems, or serious ones anyway. I was fortunate enough to meet the right girl in high school and I subsequently married her. I’m unique among the people I know in that I don’t have any exes and have never broken up with anyone. I have a few fulfilling hobbies, and I get on well with my family. I have a couple of close friends; my ingrained shyness keeps me from having more. Those are the bits of my life that work properly, or that I’ve managed to iron out.

My problems stem from work and its implications. I’ve been at my present job six years, and I hate it. It is somehow both stressful and dull. Two years ago I was promoted to a supervisory position I didn’t want when my previous supervisor, a decent hard working older guy, was shuffled out due to nasty company politics. The small jump in wage wasn’t worth the extra responsibility, but I couldn’t viably stay where I was.

My job pays the bills for now, but my wife and I hope to have children and buy a small house, and I can’t do that responsibly at my present wage. There isn’t much chance of advancement from where I am. I’ve been trying for a couple of years to land a better job, but I do poorly in interviews and can never quite clinch it. I’ve thought about going back to school for a different career, but the costs and risks of “rerolling” at 30 are much greater than at 20. What happened to my old supervisor is always in the back of my mind and I could very easily see it happening to me if I stay there much longer. I feel stuck.

Beoran, I'm sorry to hear about your job; I feel a bit silly complaining about work given your circumstances. I'm glad you have a bit of time to get things sorted. I understand what you guys mean about introverts having to sort of “fake it” at work to avoid negative attention; most people who’ve met me there would think I’m an outgoing, chatty person.

Thanks for listening.

You sound just like my old manager. And like me. So you definitely are NOT alone on this one. But there's one idea that I try to stick to, and that's that it's better to be unemployed and alive, than being employed and feeling dead. If you feel stuck, go out and find something new. Not necessarily a new job, I mean anything. Find something to become involved in, or just start doing things you'd enjoy. Go for walks, read, that kind of stuff. For me, walking is f*cking fantastic, as it helps me to clear my head. And as far as your financial situation goes, I can't really say anything since I'm just a youngin, but I'd just keep trying for a new job. There's always a job for you out there, it's just, like a soul mate for most people, bloody hard to find sometimes. But it's there. In the mean time, try not to get caught up in work, make sure you stop now and then and take in the world around you. Whenever I start feeling depressed from my job, I go out and find something fun or relaxing to do by myself, like going somewhere away from people and their stresses and just sitting, watching the sky and thinking. Maybe you're different in that, maybe you'd prefer someone dear to you around, but that's just how I cope. Hopefully you can pull something semi-helpful from it.

BionicKraken: I can see how it would. It's just getting to see that part of people that's difficult for some. Everyone's afraid to lose their mask, even if they want people to see them as they really are. It's almost human nature. Or, maybe everyone just has their own "scars" that they try to hide and are almost ashamed of, just like Hanako. And it's only after finding people who will accept those "scars" that true relationships can be built. Because, when it comes down to it, everyone's afraid to show people who they really are. I KNOW I do this now, though I didn't when I was young (and I suffered for it), but after being beaten by the social norm, I guess I started acting the way society wants me to act. But not how *I* want to act. Hell, I'd wager the most "confident" people in the world suffer from this the most. Makes sense if you think about it, when was the last time you listened to a big shot and didn't get the impression that they had less depth than a slip n' slide? So by that logic, I suppose breaking that habit and showing your true self is the best thing someone like me or a lot of you could do. Yeah, we'll get hurt more, since we're exposing our weaknesses. But eventually, I think we'd gain a few great friends who like us for us, not who we pretend to be. And who knows, maybe it would lead to what they call true love? Just a thought, at least. I do so enjoy rambling.

[Xerxes]

Redbullet612, I read that you have problems with maintaining eye contact. So do I, and I'm like 24 years old.
I'm also nearsighted, but I use that to my favour. When I must maintain eye contact with someone, I usually look them over my glasses, which its lens are small rectangules being held by a slim half-frame, I keep some distance so the eyes of this person get blurred enough. I usually lower my glasses, almost touching my nose tip, to do so. Even so, I try to not look directly to eye for too long, but rather to their facial and hand expressions.
The only times when I can fully maintain eye contact with someone is when I can't feel malice in their intentions, but normally it's like people shoot cutting lasers from their eyes at a erratic rate.
I know, it sounds childish, but that's how I feel. It's very uncomfortable, and difficult to address.

EXIT: Also, when I feel uneasy or tense, when I have problems to express my feelings with words, what I do, is to play with them, project them, instead of struggling with them or contain them.
It's hard to express it with words how I do it, and you probably won't believe me.

[BionicKraken]

I used to have troubles with eye contact as well. It was actually my stepmother that helped me with that . . . by always shouting at me and confronting me.

[Xerxes]

I used to have troubles with eye contact as well. It was actually my stepmother that helped me with that . . . by always shouting at me and confronting me.

So true. I don't try hide my feelings anymore, at least my outer feelings, but like Rin, I don't like or can't express them with words, because, oftentimes, my thoughts are too complicated to express them with words, it would take ages and I will end up more frustrated than before.

It's strange, but it's like people can, unconsciously can read my own thoughts to a certain extent, and work around them to communicate with me.
It's not bad that I'm crystal clear, I learned that I can soften, otherwise awkward or uncomfortable situations, a lot, that gives me a way to, finally, express myself verbally. To open a clear path so they don't thread thought the thorny bushes, if they aren't really there and receptive, they will never really understand.

Sometimes those ungrateful throw some of their own thorny bushes on my nicely clean path.
That hurts me on so many levels.

In other words, I use my imagination whenever charm or charisma fails. Not that I'm a charming person (I'm not, and I don't feel bad about it).

[Zombiedude101]

Before I start, I'd lke to apologise if I drone on and sound like an idiot. Anyway, moving on:

I'm 15, in Year 10 at school (I'm British, by the way) and also happen to have asperger's syndrome and aparrently mild ADHD.

When I was a kid at Infant School (4-7 years old) things were decent for me and whilst I didn't have a great deal of friends, there were kids that I got on with and some who I could consider friends. When I was around five years old, my parents divorced (Which I consider for the better, as they argued a lot) and when I was roughly around 6-7 years old my Mum met my future stepdad who at the time was alright, occasionally complaining about things but usually sound. Yet likely due to my Dad getting involved with things a lot (He still owned the house alongside Mum, often parked his cars there as he's a car dealer and would play Devil May Cry or Timesplitters 2 with me on my PS2) and agitating my stepdad, my stepdad became a bit of an ass (He's still like it now) and whilst not abusive, he'd moan/berate me for things as simple as talking about a subject for too long or leaving a door open/closed. This was a gradual thing that happenned over a few years, and whilst I usually get it from him he also acts the same with my Mum, aparrently he's got that kind of personality of being an ass (Recent examples include him throwing stones towards a neighbour's cat sleeping on our garden to scare it off and throwing a football kicked over the fence into the bin). Meanwhile, in Junior school where most of the people I knew at infant school went, things began to take a turn for the worse.

It was around this time that my differences (Social awkwardness, short temper ect) began to show off more and I ended up getting into trouble with a bunch of kids who'd bully me in a variety of ways (Including pushing me about, insulting my family which especially infuriated me at the time) and I'd often react by chasing after them angrily much to their amusement, frustratingly unable to reach them and lash out. I think that some of it I brought upon myself. Anyway, my Mum heard about this and got involved, at one point approaching one of the kids who bullied me, grabbed him by the collar of the coat and I remember the words exactly ''Leave my son alone.'' in response to them laughing at us. A few days later whilst on our way home, this kid turns up again with his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend, and after some verbal abuse from the Dad the girlfriend proceeds to attack my Mum, at one point attempting to harm me after I screamed at her to stop, whilst the Dad continued his tirade of verbal abuse and said he'd ensured his son would beat me up every day. An onlooker (Lollipop lady or whatever you want to call them) did nothing, even shaking her head when I begged her to get help, and when they'd left my Mum had a bloodied and broken nose. We fled back to the school, mentioned what happenned, and the headmaster gave us a lift home in his car. A lot later on when the case went to court it turned out the girlfriend had a long record and despite all the stuff she'd done she got a mere fine and (I think) a community service order, whilst my Mum had to have numerous operations on her nose over the next few years (It's shaped slightly differently now) and still suffers from the occasional pain in it. Thanks a lot UK Justice system, you once again fail the victim.

Anyway, after this I moved to another school that was just a little further away in an area familiar to me (My grandparents' house was across the road from it and my late grandmother worked there as a cleaner and lollipop lady) and whilst initially things were quiet there, I slowly warmed to the environment. It was around this time that I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (It's part of the autism spectrum, the most 'normal' you can have) and what I believed to be mild ADHD, explaining my short temper (Though naturally my Dad and my Grandfather have VERY short tempers and are arrogant e.g their way or no way, I'm alike them but a little more lax) and after the headmaster explained this to everyone people were generally more decent towards me, not really any special treatment but a little more understanding. I didn't make any major friends here aside from one who I knew from Infant school, and who's mother began to carpool me to the school). But, things would not last. After all the stuff that had happenned over the years, combined with the fact that our current house was the first time buyer's kind (Small, terraced house that didn't really look attractive and in an area which was 'rough' at the time) and after all the past incidents (The assault of my Mum, bullying ect) which were, in my opinion, my fault (After all, if it wasn't for me none of the events leading up to this would have happenned), my parents decided to move house to a village around 20 miles from our old house. The new house was nice, larger, nice garden ect. For us it seemed to be a fresh start, and I soon started at my new school. Initially, things were quiet, a few kids took a little interest in me but that soon died down.

However, I again became a target for bullying, I got into trouble a lot due to retaliation (The headmaster here was very unsympathetic and did very little to try and help me) and soon I ended up having to spend Lunch in 'Lunch Club', a group where other kids who either chose to go there due to it's isolation and a few other things or because they were 'trouble' kids who'd got into trouble enough times to get stuck in here, though it was claimed I was put there to avoid being bullied, yet I think they just wanted a problem out of the way. I met a kid who seemed alright, was friendly enough towards me. We started hanging out, became friends and he was the type to lead whilst I followed. Unknown for me at the time, he also seemed to be drawn to trouble (Including but not limited to throwing stones at windows, harrassing elderly people ect) and got a good vice over me. Our friendship could be compared to an abusive marriage, as often he'd blackmail me into doing things such as participating in troublesome activites and such by saying he'd no longer be my friend. This went on for about a year until late '06, after an incident which was the final straw and I cut ties with him, both of us becoming enemies and harbouring a dislike for each other. Naturally I was a very trusting person around this period of my life, too forgiving of people and thus that'd be exploited and I was used on more than one occasion. Anyway, I started meeting other people, made a few 'friends' and started hanging around with them occasionally, though much of my time I spent playing video games (As I was and still am to an extent, addicted to gaming/the internet in general).

Anyway, eventually I started at a Secondary School where they had a unit for students with autism and it gave me a place to go, albeit at a cost of being rather isolated from mainstream. For the first few years I spent Break (Recess for you Americans) and Lunch in this unit (It was part of the school building) for the most part, only venturing out occasionally only to go back inside due to my reclusive nature. Then recently, I tried to socialise with other people outside the unit (My form of aspergers isn't that severe, thus I've got a better chance at integrating into 'normal' society) with some success, I slowly and reluctantly (Due to many past incidents) gained a few 'friends' and after a while I wanted to be normal, I tried to reject the 'aspergers' side of me and even felt a little ashamed of myself for having such a condition, sometimes even feeling a little depressed about it. I stopped going to the unit except for when it was needed (Certain lessons and such) and hang around in the form room with my friends, and so far things have gone well with me even meeting up with a few of them outside school on a few occasions.

In regards to me, I'm overweight (Not excessivley fat but not thin) and often am reluctant to go out (Video games and the internet are vices that are hard to break) and often socially awkward so naturally things are difficult for me, though I admit I could be a lot worse off (Having considered the other stories I've seen here and exhibiting common sense). Aparrently I apologise too much and pull myself down a lot and maybe I do so out of both habit and experience. Anyway, I hope I didn't drone on too much and that you could comprehend this simpley enough. Thanks for listening (Well reading), it feels good to talk.

[Camoufrage]

Before I start, I'd lke to apologise if I drone on and sound like an idiot. Anyway, moving on:

I'm 15, in Year 10 at school (I'm British, by the way) and also happen to have asperger's syndrome and aparrently mild ADHD.

When I was a kid at Infant School (4-7 years old) things were decent for me and whilst I didn't have a great deal of friends, there were kids that I got on with and some who I could consider friends. When I was around five years old, my parents divorced (Which I consider for the better, as they argued a lot) and when I was roughly around 6-7 years old my Mum met my future stepdad who at the time was alright, occasionally complaining about things but usually sound. Yet likely due to my Dad getting involved with things a lot (He still owned the house alongside Mum, often parked his cars there as he's a car dealer and would play Devil May Cry or Timesplitters 2 with me on my PS2) and agitating my stepdad, my stepdad became a bit of an ass (He's still like it now) and whilst not abusive, he'd moan/berate me for things as simple as talking about a subject for too long or leaving a door open/closed. This was a gradual thing that happenned over a few years, and whilst I usually get it from him he also acts the same with my Mum, aparrently he's got that kind of personality of being an ass (Recent examples include him throwing stones towards a neighbour's cat sleeping on our garden to scare it off and throwing a football kicked over the fence into the bin). Meanwhile, in Junior school where most of the people I knew at infant school went, things began to take a turn for the worse.

It was around this time that my differences (Social awkwardness, short temper ect) began to show off more and I ended up getting into trouble with a bunch of kids who'd bully me in a variety of ways (Including pushing me about, insulting my family which especially infuriated me at the time) and I'd often react by chasing after them angrily much to their amusement, frustratingly unable to reach them and lash out. I think that some of it I brought upon myself. Anyway, my Mum heard about this and got involved, at one point approaching one of the kids who bullied me, grabbed him by the collar of the coat and I remember the words exactly ''Leave my son alone.'' in response to them laughing at us. A few days later whilst on our way home, this kid turns up again with his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend, and after some verbal abuse from the Dad the girlfriend proceeds to attack my Mum, at one point attempting to harm me after I screamed at her to stop, whilst the Dad continued his tirade of verbal abuse and said he'd ensured his son would beat me up every day. An onlooker (Lollipop lady or whatever you want to call them) did nothing, even shaking her head when I begged her to get help, and when they'd left my Mum had a bloodied and broken nose. We fled back to the school, mentioned what happenned, and the headmaster gave us a lift home in his car. A lot later on when the case went to court it turned out the girlfriend had a long record and despite all the stuff she'd done she got a mere fine and (I think) a community service order, whilst my Mum had to have numerous operations on her nose over the next few years (It's shaped slightly differently now) and still suffers from the occasional pain in it. Thanks a lot UK Justice system, you once again fail the victim.

Anyway, after this I moved to another school that was just a little further away in an area familiar to me (My grandparents' house was across the road from it and my late grandmother worked there as a cleaner and lollipop lady) and whilst initially things were quiet there, I slowly warmed to the environment. It was around this time that I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (It's part of the autism spectrum, the most 'normal' you can have) and what I believed to be mild ADHD, explaining my short temper (Though naturally my Dad and my Grandfather have VERY short tempers and are arrogant e.g their way or no way, I'm alike them but a little more lax) and after the headmaster explained this to everyone people were generally more decent towards me, not really any special treatment but a little more understanding. I didn't make any major friends here aside from one who I knew from Infant school, and who's mother began to carpool me to the school). But, things would not last. After all the stuff that had happenned over the years, combined with the fact that our current house was the first time buyer's kind (Small, terraced house that didn't really look attractive and in an area which was 'rough' at the time) and after all the past incidents (The assault of my Mum, bullying ect) which were, in my opinion, my fault (After all, if it wasn't for me none of the events leading up to this would have happenned), my parents decided to move house to a village around 20 miles from our old house. The new house was nice, larger, nice garden ect. For us it seemed to be a fresh start, and I soon started at my new school. Initially, things were quiet, a few kids took a little interest in me but that soon died down.

However, I again became a target for bullying, I got into trouble a lot due to retaliation (The headmaster here was very unsympathetic and did very little to try and help me) and soon I ended up having to spend Lunch in 'Lunch Club', a group where other kids who either chose to go there due to it's isolation and a few other things or because they were 'trouble' kids who'd got into trouble enough times to get stuck in here, though it was claimed I was put there to avoid being bullied, yet I think they just wanted a problem out of the way. I met a kid who seemed alright, was friendly enough towards me. We started hanging out, became friends and he was the type to lead whilst I followed. Unknown for me at the time, he also seemed to be drawn to trouble (Including but not limited to throwing stones at windows, harrassing elderly people ect) and got a good vice over me. Our friendship could be compared to an abusive marriage, as often he'd blackmail me into doing things such as participating in troublesome activites and such by saying he'd no longer be my friend. This went on for about a year until late '06, after an incident which was the final straw and I cut ties with him, both of us becoming enemies and harbouring a dislike for each other. Naturally I was a very trusting person around this period of my life, too forgiving of people and thus that'd be exploited and I was used on more than one occasion. Anyway, I started meeting other people, made a few 'friends' and started hanging around with them occasionally, though much of my time I spent playing video games (As I was and still am to an extent, addicted to gaming/the internet in general).

Anyway, eventually I started at a Secondary School where they had a unit for students with autism and it gave me a place to go, albeit at a cost of being rather isolated from mainstream. For the first few years I spent Break (Recess for you Americans) and Lunch in this unit (It was part of the school building) for the most part, only venturing out occasionally only to go back inside due to my reclusive nature. Then recently, I tried to socialise with other people outside the unit (My form of aspergers isn't that severe, thus I've got a better chance at integrating into 'normal' society) with some success, I slowly and reluctantly (Due to many past incidents) gained a few 'friends' and after a while I wanted to be normal, I tried to reject the 'aspergers' side of me and even felt a little ashamed of myself for having such a condition, sometimes even feeling a little depressed about it. I stopped going to the unit except for when it was needed (Certain lessons and such) and hang around in the form room with my friends, and so far things have gone well with me even meeting up with a few of them outside school on a few occasions.

In regards to me, I'm overweight (Not excessivley fat but not thin) and often am reluctant to go out (Video games and the internet are vices that are hard to break) and often socially awkward so naturally things are difficult for me, though I admit I could be a lot worse off (Having considered the other stories I've seen here and exhibiting common sense). Aparrently I apologise too much and pull myself down a lot and maybe I do so out of both habit and experience. Anyway, I hope I didn't drone on too much and that you could comprehend this simpley enough. Thanks for listening (Well reading), it feels good to talk.

That was a damn good story to read, and you were doing anything but droning on, very much caught my attention the whole way through. Seems lie you had it rough, and the story about what your mother did to that kid who was bullying you is pretty amazing, as my parents would have never done something like that. Yes, your dad is an asshole, but I think you should be happy he isnt in an abusive state like mine was for many years before we started taking therapy together. Yeah, yeah alot of people are socially awkward around here and I think it could be easily fixed. All you have to do is try as hard as you can to be outgoing and make new friends. I did it, and I was one of the more popular people in school and I had a VERY good time. I feel like "social awkwardness" is something people put upon themselves, not something that cannot be fixed. Try as hard as you can, and I promise you that you will at least find your own little group of friends worth hanging around. Dont fret too much over your weight, I think you may be playing it out to be a bit more than it is (and you barely even mentioned it).

I wish I could help out with more, but it seems like most of it was just a good story

[Xerxes]

Before I start, I'd lke to apologise if I drone on and sound like an idiot. Anyway, moving on:

I'm 15, in Year 10 at school (I'm British, by the way) and also happen to have asperger's syndrome and aparrently mild ADHD.

When I was a kid at Infant School (4-7 years old) things were decent for me and whilst I didn't have a great deal of friends, there were kids that I got on with and some who I could consider friends. When I was around five years old, my parents divorced (Which I consider for the better, as they argued a lot) and when I was roughly around 6-7 years old my Mum met my future stepdad who at the time was alright, occasionally complaining about things but usually sound. Yet likely due to my Dad getting involved with things a lot (He still owned the house alongside Mum, often parked his cars there as he's a car dealer and would play Devil May Cry or Timesplitters 2 with me on my PS2) and agitating my stepdad, my stepdad became a bit of an ass (He's still like it now) and whilst not abusive, he'd moan/berate me for things as simple as talking about a subject for too long or leaving a door open/closed. This was a gradual thing that happenned over a few years, and whilst I usually get it from him he also acts the same with my Mum, aparrently he's got that kind of personality of being an ass (Recent examples include him throwing stones towards a neighbour's cat sleeping on our garden to scare it off and throwing a football kicked over the fence into the bin). Meanwhile, in Junior school where most of the people I knew at infant school went, things began to take a turn for the worse.

It was around this time that my differences (Social awkwardness, short temper ect) began to show off more and I ended up getting into trouble with a bunch of kids who'd bully me in a variety of ways (Including pushing me about, insulting my family which especially infuriated me at the time) and I'd often react by chasing after them angrily much to their amusement, frustratingly unable to reach them and lash out. I think that some of it I brought upon myself. Anyway, my Mum heard about this and got involved, at one point approaching one of the kids who bullied me, grabbed him by the collar of the coat and I remember the words exactly ''Leave my son alone.'' in response to them laughing at us. A few days later whilst on our way home, this kid turns up again with his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend, and after some verbal abuse from the Dad the girlfriend proceeds to attack my Mum, at one point attempting to harm me after I screamed at her to stop, whilst the Dad continued his tirade of verbal abuse and said he'd ensured his son would beat me up every day. An onlooker (Lollipop lady or whatever you want to call them) did nothing, even shaking her head when I begged her to get help, and when they'd left my Mum had a bloodied and broken nose. We fled back to the school, mentioned what happenned, and the headmaster gave us a lift home in his car. A lot later on when the case went to court it turned out the girlfriend had a long record and despite all the stuff she'd done she got a mere fine and (I think) a community service order, whilst my Mum had to have numerous operations on her nose over the next few years (It's shaped slightly differently now) and still suffers from the occasional pain in it. Thanks a lot UK Justice system, you once again fail the victim.

Anyway, after this I moved to another school that was just a little further away in an area familiar to me (My grandparents' house was across the road from it and my late grandmother worked there as a cleaner and lollipop lady) and whilst initially things were quiet there, I slowly warmed to the environment. It was around this time that I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome (It's part of the autism spectrum, the most 'normal' you can have) and what I believed to be mild ADHD, explaining my short temper (Though naturally my Dad and my Grandfather have VERY short tempers and are arrogant e.g their way or no way, I'm alike them but a little more lax) and after the headmaster explained this to everyone people were generally more decent towards me, not really any special treatment but a little more understanding. I didn't make any major friends here aside from one who I knew from Infant school, and who's mother began to carpool me to the school). But, things would not last. After all the stuff that had happenned over the years, combined with the fact that our current house was the first time buyer's kind (Small, terraced house that didn't really look attractive and in an area which was 'rough' at the time) and after all the past incidents (The assault of my Mum, bullying ect) which were, in my opinion, my fault (After all, if it wasn't for me none of the events leading up to this would have happenned), my parents decided to move house to a village around 20 miles from our old house. The new house was nice, larger, nice garden ect. For us it seemed to be a fresh start, and I soon started at my new school. Initially, things were quiet, a few kids took a little interest in me but that soon died down.

However, I again became a target for bullying, I got into trouble a lot due to retaliation (The headmaster here was very unsympathetic and did very little to try and help me) and soon I ended up having to spend Lunch in 'Lunch Club', a group where other kids who either chose to go there due to it's isolation and a few other things or because they were 'trouble' kids who'd got into trouble enough times to get stuck in here, though it was claimed I was put there to avoid being bullied, yet I think they just wanted a problem out of the way. I met a kid who seemed alright, was friendly enough towards me. We started hanging out, became friends and he was the type to lead whilst I followed. Unknown for me at the time, he also seemed to be drawn to trouble (Including but not limited to throwing stones at windows, harrassing elderly people ect) and got a good vice over me. Our friendship could be compared to an abusive marriage, as often he'd blackmail me into doing things such as participating in troublesome activites and such by saying he'd no longer be my friend. This went on for about a year until late '06, after an incident which was the final straw and I cut ties with him, both of us becoming enemies and harbouring a dislike for each other. Naturally I was a very trusting person around this period of my life, too forgiving of people and thus that'd be exploited and I was used on more than one occasion. Anyway, I started meeting other people, made a few 'friends' and started hanging around with them occasionally, though much of my time I spent playing video games (As I was and still am to an extent, addicted to gaming/the internet in general).

Anyway, eventually I started at a Secondary School where they had a unit for students with autism and it gave me a place to go, albeit at a cost of being rather isolated from mainstream. For the first few years I spent Break (Recess for you Americans) and Lunch in this unit (It was part of the school building) for the most part, only venturing out occasionally only to go back inside due to my reclusive nature. Then recently, I tried to socialise with other people outside the unit (My form of aspergers isn't that severe, thus I've got a better chance at integrating into 'normal' society) with some success, I slowly and reluctantly (Due to many past incidents) gained a few 'friends' and after a while I wanted to be normal, I tried to reject the 'aspergers' side of me and even felt a little ashamed of myself for having such a condition, sometimes even feeling a little depressed about it. I stopped going to the unit except for when it was needed (Certain lessons and such) and hang around in the form room with my friends, and so far things have gone well with me even meeting up with a few of them outside school on a few occasions.

In regards to me, I'm overweight (Not excessivley fat but not thin) and often am reluctant to go out (Video games and the internet are vices that are hard to break) and often socially awkward so naturally things are difficult for me, though I admit I could be a lot worse off (Having considered the other stories I've seen here and exhibiting common sense). Aparrently I apologise too much and pull myself down a lot and maybe I do so out of both habit and experience. Anyway, I hope I didn't drone on too much and that you could comprehend this simpley enough. Thanks for listening (Well reading), it feels good to talk.

Not to offend you or your family, but you stepdad behaves a lot like Biff Tannen from Back To The Future series.
And regarding the UK justice system, it's not much different than the one from my country. Here, the bloody judges are more in favor of criminals and crooks than for honest, gentle, law-abiding citizens. I heard that in UK if you kill or injure an armed robber in self defense, you go to jail and pay the piper. You have to expect the Bobbies to come and aprehend the criminal. That's as effective as the 911. What a waste of telephone bill and resources.

Am I right? Here's not much different. Bloody liberal politicians and anti civil-rights NGOs. You know, I rather be judged by 12 than being carried by 6.

Forgive me if I got to political.

[MajorasAnguish]

Wow, everytime I mean to come and write something, I just feel something and cower away. This is going to be very scattered so be warned. Well, I'm 15 going on 16. I would best describe myself as not completely introverted. I mean I have really close friends. However, the way my parents raised me, I really don't trust anybody, and therefore, sometimes I feel like all of my relationships are superficial and pointless. I don't know what is wrong with me. I go from being extremely happy, laughing, enjoying life. Then something happens: I become furious with my parents, friends, relatives. People's presence come to encroach on my sanity. And most of all, sometimes during the day, when I'm at school or home, I just get swarmed by a sort of blanket of depression and the only thing on my mind becomes morbid thoughts of suicide. I mean I have considered it. My dad would probably kill me if he realized that this is being typed, but about a few years ago, he meddled me in with his affair. He basically made me befriend the woman he was cheating on my mother with. And I was a fucking naïve idiot. To this day, my mom believes I had no idea about the situation whatsoever. I probably secretly did know and just didn't want to stir up trouble. My father always makes people think the way he wants to think, stubborn bastard. I have issues with trusting people, and sometimes, I go days without talking because I feel like nobody even cares about what I say. And then later, I feel like an attention whore, trying to make people feel sorry for me. Even now, I'll probably regret writing this within a few hours time. I don't know.

[BionicKraken]

Majora: I'm not going to go into as much detail with this right now, because I have work tomorrow morning and need to sleep, but there are just a few things I want to say.

First off: never ever feel ashamed or guilty for your emotions or your thoughts. Hiding or trying to throw away your emotions is like casting aside what makes you human. Don't forget that people who might seem happy or amiable can put up a facade as well. However, that doesn't really seem to be your issue. I don't have an answer for your problems, of course, but I do think that finding an outlet for what frustrates you would help you out a lot. Physical activity is good for that. Think about Emi's route. What I took from your post sounds very familiar, honestly. I had many of the same thoughts and sentiments as a teenager. I don't mean to dismiss your thoughts, of course. But if you were an attention whore, I think that would be a very poor way of going about it.

What I mean to say is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling depressed, even if you aren't sure what the cause is. I do think you should find something positive to focus energy into when you're feeling down, though. Staying alone and quiet with your thoughts isn't always the best idea. Certain hobbies can be very therapeutic. Especially running!

Regardless, you definitely shouldn't feel bad about posting here. Let us know how you're feeling or if you're down. That's what we're here for!

[Zombiedude101]

Not to offend you or your family, but you stepdad behaves a lot like Biff Tannen from Back To The Future series.
And regarding the UK justice system, it's not much different than the one from my country. Here, the bloody judges are more in favor of criminals and crooks than for honest, gentle, law-abiding citizens. I heard that in UK if you kill or injure an armed robber in self defense, you go to jail and pay the piper. You have to expect the Bobbies to come and aprehend the criminal. That's as effective as the 911. What a waste of telephone bill and resources.

Am I right? Here's not much different. Bloody liberal politicians and anti civil-rights NGOs. You know, I rather be judged by 12 than being carried by 6.

Forgive me if I got to political.

The comment about him being like Biff Tannen made me laugh so yeah I'm not offended there. And also yeah people who injure armed criminals in self defense are often at risk of going to court, but if you want to read up on that more you'd best check google.