Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

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Fallen Seraph
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Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 4:42 pm
Location: Above Heaven

Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by Fallen Seraph » Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:45 pm

Okay first of all,I beg that the people that are about to read this respect me, there's a real people at the other side and he believe that courtesy still live in this world of madness in what we live (I put this just in case I think that the people in the forum and the people that plays games are like a big family, better say not everyone but almost everyone).

I don't know why i'm doing this but i need to do this some part of my mind says it to me (I think it's the part that want help XD).

Well I hope that my story help someone in something (I like do puns :D).

Well where do I begin?.... ....

My name is Roberto, I live in a country where anarchy is the king and where you live in a little fear (at least me but I think almost everyone with common sense have a little of fear in this country); I played katawa shoujo and finished the Hanako path and am in the middle of the Lilly's one, after ending the game something in me died (not literally but it reallyyyyyyy got bad).

Before telling my actual state I will tell the story of my life (part of it), I have twenty years and grown up in a family of three brothers, my family love me very much and I love them. My infancy was a mix between live in a city and live in the country, my grandfather was a builder and like farms so long sotry short he maked a farm I we goes there because my parents help him in the labours. When I was two or so my grandfather become ill the diagnosis? Lung cancer and in terminal phase, when he was sick my parents talked to him and decided to buy te entire farm that mean buying the parts of my two aunts and my uncle for this tehy asked a bank for a credit and put the farm itself in guaranty.

Here begins the bad part :( I lived in this farm for fourteen years; in these years my school consisted in a theacher coming to the house and imparting classes to my big bro and I, as the education start to get worse my parent talked to a school with the motive of them becoming our teachers, the result success they became our teachers until I reach the twelve years in this point everything start to come down like a train about to collide.

Why? well the farm begins to go bad, three years full years of bad rains kick us very hard, the bank begin to reclaim what is theirs and we don't have how to pay it and for worse and relieve my second brother born in this situation it relieved more the sittuation XD.

Well continuing the last part when i reach twelve my parents inscribe me in the school for the last year here in Venezuela is sixth grade because the highschool don't admit my bro or I so he start highschoo I well... My first recontact with the society was well. I was normal in there but was veryyy naive so people started to tease with my mind they became friending me just beacause I was a "genius" for them (just a guy with know of reasoning), the point of them befriending my ? Was me doing their work and for worse i was a little fat so they laughted at me when the school was close to finish.

The results? I became a little down and started my long descending path to my life full of steaming s....; the highschool was no better almost everyday I was bulled by my "companions", the teachers helped me when they could because I was a hard worker and all that, for four years I was rejected by girls that says that i was ugly only because the populars guys hang out to partys with them and treat them bad (I am polite to my very bones and I like to said that I am a gentleman) the guys ridiculice me in every way just because I play games and don't ask every single girl to have sex in fact never should ask such a thing if not with my girlfriend the one that never come XD.

My brother and I have a group of friends (note he was alright in highschool he knows how to adapt) everyone of them every single one of them do a very bad thing to me like insulting me o just using me just to mock me in my back (WHEN I HEARD :\). As this was not enough the bank wanted to trow us in the street and our family was nowere to be seen or help...

In few words we selled the farm at a ridiculous price in the process we befriend the ones that buy it and they was cool, have sons and they became our "friends" we moved to the town where they live and for me this was like the heaven or so I believed the result ? The same thing that before I need to finish my last year of highschool and the simple motive of change from my old school to my new school was like a big ray of light shouting me here will be better. But nah just the same thing or worse the highschool was private so no money no honey; the people there was like a bunch of future politics full of tricks and surprises, I pass highschool went to my hated graduation and to a springbreak that supposely would change my life (It don't). My recommendation never ever be in a party where most of the attendants like the money more than everything again no money no honey, and for settle it I was the pizza boy because my parents have a pizza restaurant and the geek forever (not counting be the only person there that can read english).

After highschool I begin university my career ? System Engineering (A fancy name that is used to name a type of informatic engineer). In this point of my life I was sixteen and was afraid of being with people i can wistand pressure for work and that (I even animate carnival in highschool because a teacher ask me to do so) but I can't REALLY CAN'T have direct contact with almost anyone because I almost freeze in the point and start sweating this only is worse if the one that touch me is a women and I can't stand being the point of conversation and being seen by all the people at same time. I always hide my body in unconscious manner, the mos famous ? I cross my arm on my chest to cover a big point of me just beacause I am freaked that someone will call me fat, I am not as fat like I was before but this is equally a hugeeeee problem for me; ah and I don't believe very much that friend exist my big friends are my brothers and my other "friends" are friends of my brother or the ones in my class; it's funny I can't believe in other people and I doubt of me every possible time XD and for finish my little description I can't be at the side of anyone for more than a couple of minutes if he don't talk because I believe that he or she will start to glare at me and think bad things of me or my body.

Well I pass an obligated semester of the "same than highschool" because my university need to help people given the bad shape of the education in the schools and highschools, thank god my university have this pint well done and then started the first semester only to be busted in a subject this was the very drop that overflowed the glass. I retired from university for one whole year in this year I star working more in my parents business (I always worked there) and started to apply to other university I started there believing that this was going to be better that my other and the result was bad.

This one was more bigger and have more people and on top of that I was alone and far away from home, this university was at two and a half hours of trip from my home it was like trowing a cub to a cage of tigers I almost fainted the first day so I retired only being there for one week. Not sure of my life my depression increased to the very point in what I negated my existence, my parents and brothers was devastated well the little not much because he don't understand very much what was going on. I tried to suicide myself three times, I never do the full thing (only one time I managed to cut my arm a little but don't touch my blood vessels) always being pulled of by the memories of my family and how much they love me and how selfish this act was so I decided to live for them; yes I LIVED FOR SOME FOR OTHERS.

I started psychological treatment on my behalf after telling my parents that I tried to suicide and that I wanted to get better, the result? I managed to return to my old university only to being marked as "the one that go and returned", I don't care very much for this I passed the first and second semester and now I am in the third almost finishing it only needing to pass math III. My social skill remain equal only with little improvements remarkign little, at least is something :D .

How do I get better ? Well I standed up from the ground yeah the CAN YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF? phrase reverberates here and my favorite CAN YOU FACE YOUR FEARS? I maintained my mind possitive and listen to everything that my psychologist said and like I said before living for others forcing myself to enjoy things so they can be happy so I can be happy ^^. End of the story.

Well then I played trough the entire Hanako path and suffer from the "thing" for me the thing is not having almost any life at all this depressed me very much but the worst is her O.O how ? Well her and Lilly is what I always wanted for me but they never existed they are the exact thing for what i prayed on the nights to come to my life a true friend and someone that can love me because if I found someone like Hanako I will move the entire earth if it's neccesary for she to love me I will listen her and help her (I have done this before and helped a lot other people only by talking to them and understanding their problems, those people give me a smile and thanked me from their hearts but later they just mock me like everyone :( because I am no the popular guy for them at least. When I saw a picture of the game (in a place announcing the release) I downloaded it and only for the picture I knowed that Hanako was my choice her look reminded to myself scared of the world so I decided to be there in the game for her when I passes the game I cried like never with the sight of my perfect life of the ones that i wanted being materialized in front of me was so painful to me that for a whole week I can't quit my depression XD, I will pass it I believe but my whole being want that two girls to exist. My problem ? My age it will never be the same because of work and everything so that put me bad; well end of my story.

I want to to thank the whole Katawa Shoujo team for creating such a magnificent story tht give me incredible moments that felt so real for my to imaginate a whole life of me living in Yamaku XD.

For last I want to thank to anybody that read this I don't know why I'm doing this like I said at the beginning, now think that I want to know people XD bad form eh and I want to appologize to everyone for stealing them time from their lives reading this mess up story writen in four years old kid english (it's not my natural languaje and I never studied it I only learned playing games and things like that so kinda don't know how to redact something well in english, now spanish is other thing and translating equally ^^)

This story is real every little piece has happened with the worst parts being almost cutted from it I never telled the whole story (the suicide thing) to others than my family not even my therapist know that XP and now here I am telling it to the internet where almost anyone can read it how weird but cool I putted a photo of me here I am half Italian (remember the mafia as Keji said XD) and half Venezuelan but with strong italian influence in this side too and french I think. This photo is here so everybody knew how the guy that robbed you time sees, in this photo I am a little depressed well a lot :) but is the only one I found that it's my job the pizzeria ^^.

The silly jokes are I trying to low my tension sorry :s thank to everybody and have a nice live and day ^^.

My recommendation live your life for yourselve never be like me and if have problems go to a phycho analyst they help more that your average psychologist at least is what I think but take more time to be cured. And for finish yes I have taken pills for depression they don't help so don't use much them understand yourselve first and admit that you have a problem so it's more easy to endure it and pass it and do it before you get messed like me needing to attend to theraphy for your entire life at least very much of it will past on it for me, beacause I have a long road in front of me my dream is going to Japan where I think that people like the ones in Katawa Shoujo exist a little more that and being a writter or videogame maker or everything ^^.

Agains sorry to bother you all and thanks to the Katawa Shoujo devs I hoppe I can give you something for the game but i don't know what I can do sorry.

this is the img http://i1068.photobucket.com/albums/u44 ... G00003.jpg i don't know very well if this is allowed if not then I can remove it or change it or what you ask sorry.

In this very momment my heart cry :( not knowing what the future departs me afeter doing this I am alented by the other treads of similar content sorry for another topic of the same :(
Drawing a big smile XD

Lanyx
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Jan 14, 2012 12:24 am

Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by Lanyx » Mon Jan 16, 2012 9:20 pm

I just wanted to say I read your story and I absolutely wish you the very best in all your endeavors. You speak English very well for being self taught. I have my story posted somewhere around here too, and while I'm not trying to compare our situations at all (in fact they're quite different, I think), reading other people's stories (not even my own, but the dozens of others posted here) might help you, give you some perspective. I kinda knew myself that Hanako was the first route I'd play through, as I can relate a lot with her theme of being picked on, being self conscious, anxiety, etc.

If you'd like to talk to someone I have my contact info posted in another thread or you're free to PM me as well. Take care of yourself, and good luck.

Fallen Seraph
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 4:42 pm
Location: Above Heaven

Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by Fallen Seraph » Mon Jan 16, 2012 9:37 pm

Thank you very much from the very bottom of my heart, your act of leaving a reply in the post have given me a smile and raised my overall feeling.

Don't worry about comparing if you want I don't care everyone have problems and no one is more than other, if my experience have given me something is a better understanding at problems not only mines but of others and I learned that what can be a simple rock for you for others is a river and they don't have a boat to pass it so is fine thank you very much.
Drawing a big smile XD

Koopason
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 3:41 pm

Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by Koopason » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:19 pm

While I cant really relate to your storý, im happy to hear that your ok. Im glad you didnt take the easy way out earlier in your life, I know families who've lost their children that way and its really sad to see people in such a depressed state.

Thank you for your storý, it must have been hard to share, especially with English not being your main language.

Fallen Seraph
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 4:42 pm
Location: Above Heaven

Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by Fallen Seraph » Mon Jan 16, 2012 11:10 pm

Thanks you :) yes is a hard thing to say but the worst thing is that normally one gain a stigma when saying it. I can't explain but is like you are a fragile doll that can be broken
with the simple blow of air that past you, people normally have hard talking back when they know this nor that I telled someone before but is a thing that happens so I can say
that I'm marked XD but nodaways what one do after commiting a error is what counts and living from the past is not a good thing to do is very unhealthy so for example I forgive everyone of the people that has done me something living with ill-feelings is very bad so forgive is the easy way to calm down.

That many people read my story has helped much even when they don't reply I feel least alien but I know that someones don't try to reply because they feel that they can't say anything that or maybe I just take things in a weird way anyway thanks you very much for your reply it give me another boost of good feelings thanks ^^.

And about english is hard to me to write without commiting an error or two (normally more than that) in grammar more than anything but reading english is easy for me at least XD.
Drawing a big smile XD

GiovanniTosi
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:35 am

Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by GiovanniTosi » Tue Jan 17, 2012 12:03 am

Hey, dude! I read this and I'm commentig more because it seems important to you. I can't relate to your story, unless to the depression. Those pills really sucks, heh? They don't solve shit. I admire you for bringing this here. I guess it will help you, people here are really nice, I wish I had this forum and this game at the worst days of my depression. I think I'm over it now, I don't feel apathy anymore. Do you know what I mean? I hope you don't feel like this anymore, it seems like you are getting over it. Wish you the best, keep in mind there are good people over there and don't let the bad thing rule you.

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Valtameri
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Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by Valtameri » Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:54 am

I read your story and can relate on many parts, funny thing too, i also prayed to find someone like Lilly and Hanako in my life... That depresses me sooo much because i'm quite sure that won't happen.
It's also depressing to hear that pills might not help, since i'm propably going to start taking them soon, hoping that they would help. Dunno what to think about that now...

Anyways, i wish all the best for you.
It sits in silence
Eats away at me
It feeds like cancer

TheLastMelody
Posts: 35
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:50 am

Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by TheLastMelody » Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:57 am

I have only one thing to say, Good Luck.
YOur story moved me too.
My story, probably better left untold - http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=5245

Fallen Seraph
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 4:42 pm
Location: Above Heaven

Re: Hanako style people exist, this is my story.

Post by Fallen Seraph » Tue Jan 17, 2012 4:57 pm

Thank you very much to everyone for their comments, I was in university until now (long schedule from 7 am to 6 pm almost all days) this is the motive of my late reply, I has been meditating about a lot of thing like why I decided to do this.

Today I can say that I don't really know but believe that one part inside me wanted to do this from a long time ago, maybe to show myself that I can be accepted, that I want to be part of the world because I know that good people exist in the world and that even without knowing me they can understand me.

So now I am really happy XD and now I don't regret a little for writing my story, now for a real long time I feel someone material someone that is standing over the sea rather than just drowning on it. The people here is great! Because I feel accepted, Because all of you (at least I feel it) have undestand me and more over I feel like a person. XD

I am here for anyone that want to talk or that want to ask something, I can help with spanish for anyone that want a translation or something XD.

Thank to everyone the ones that reply and the ones that don't too, as for now I am better undestanding what is inside my mind a lot more and knowing better how to deal with it.

And for real if you want to ask anything may it be related to me or not just ask I will gladly respond if I can.
Drawing a big smile XD

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