i know some people may say some of this is melodramatic but if you understand the hard times i was having you would understand why i felt the way I did
Before i share my story i want to say some things, i never told my parents what im going through because it gives me a feeling in my stomach that disgusts me and i would rather say so to a stranger. As of right now i am 14, i am short tor the point that luckily i never got bullied but only found 2 people i was taller than in middle school, i am a freshman and its highschool so people are more mature with personal matters and plus i see alot of short girls but when it comes to guys, ive only found one...i have ADD, OCD, I am ENTIRELY sure i have Aspergers syndrome keep in mind which are already 3 things that are on the autism syndrome scale. i dont eat right due to unknown reasons even when im not depressed, ive had girls like me but so far i have had one that Just screams i like you but i never really did like her back. i am antisocial, not smart, not attractive, and all my grades have been terrible since 8th grade just one year ago. I am depressed, im good at hiding it when im at school but i always want to be away from people.
my story starts now: i would have been a lonely kid if it wasnt for how weird i am, but i wasnt the "weird kid in class" i was funny and were strangely attracted to me. 6th grade comes and i become friends with someone who is a Famous bad kid. at the time he wasnt but he did get expelled in 8th grade and left lonely. this is where it all starts realising that i was clinging on to him. he told me he never met a person like me we were so close that he would even show nudes to me that he got from girls all the time but wouldnt show anyone else, he constantly slept over at my house i did his too sometimes, i knew that in peoples heads everyone wondered why i was his best friend and its almost like he didnt care. he finally started getting too famous and had bad friends who did drugs. keep in mind i was a stupid kid with bad grades but not dumb enough to do drugs but since it was weed i didnt mind. so we did it at my place when everyone was asleep and i absolutely HATED it and told him he could keep the rest forever which he did. He brings a juul to school a few weeks later and gets expelled which is where i can ACTUALLY start my story. I was alone and i sat by myself and ate alone and people would tell me "Do you miss *****" Again and again and AGAIN" so i was correct to think that my strange attraction got me to be his best freind but people viewed it as a crazy relation ship. A year passes by and its highschool. people all over the place telling me "Brooooo guess what!, ******* IS BACK! I would just reply ik and ok and they seemed oftly confused by this. i talk to him which i havent after a while. highschool really sucked for me at the beggining and i wanted to feel whole and not lonely again. ofcourse i had plenty of freinds in every grade but they just liked me because i was funny. i thought back to the old days with him and strangely i ask him for weed and i had 40$ and his freind helped me get some. i finally have it but i have insane guilt because i was never a bad kid, the bad kids who hung out with my best friend would just give me a handshake and not even breathe on me again like i was my best friends sidekick. but my parents were away at the airport and i was alone which got me thinking that this could be my oppertunity! And i did it with no hesitation and it felt amazing at the time, i kept doing this again and again and my grades were actually good this year out of alllll my life but just like everyone else's are too "because its highschool and you take things more serious" but at the time i didnt care and i kept smoking my grades went down just a little Straight A's to B. ive gotten a bad high wich was TERRIBLE i felt people stabbing me everytime i thought of it and i couldnt stop the thoughts. but even that didnt stop me. depression follows after i realise im still lonely and my only freinds are in my periods. it doesent matter if even the smart kids like me, they still are my best friends. as of right now i have none but let me get back to what i was saying. i get depression and the weed i smoked everynight and sometimes on sundays were so strong that i felt a little every morning i went to school after and it made me feel akward and since i was antisocial it was even worse. My best friend Told me in private ( out of school at some church swings that no one goes to) that he felt bad for me because he brought drugs into my life and that if anything happens its his fault. i told him its not true but he denied it and showed me the timeline before and after we first smoked. he said hes has that guilt forever ever since i first smoked with him. Too be honest now that i look back, he was correct. As i said i am not a "bad" kid infact i was weird, cool, chill and funny which is why i say that my best freinds "bad" freinds never took interest in me because they knew i was some regular kid. katawa shoujo gets introduced in my life by someone who i highly admire as one of the nicest people if ever met online. i remember having that feeling of love and piece when i played emi's route but i stopped playing katawa shoujo and i forgot about it. So its winter break and there are 2 weeks off and I keep smoking EVERY night. Dont forget this is all happening when im 14 rn. I want you to remember what i am about to say from this point on. I Wake up to play katawa shoujo, it gave me that feeling again when i replayed emi's route and it gave me that wonderful feeling again except, hard depression kicked in. i realised what my whole life had really been and why i am antisocial now and not antisocial 4 years ago like i should have been. The same person who got me to how my life is today also ruined it. I was so messed up that i was going to do drugs again except this time... Lsd, i asked the same guy for lsd and he said okay but it might take some time. Because of katawashoujo and how it made me feel i was deepely drawn to it this time looking at every thread as old as 2007 and every artbook song and information i have to know about it. and it made me realise "What the FUCK are you doing,you are pushing yourself deeper and ruin your life you fucking idiot. you are about to let everything go to drugs and you are only 14 with good grades and a wonderful life and it all hit me at once just like when i replayed the game. without hesitation i slammed open my closet shoving and abusing the box i kept my stash hidden in. it was clear to me "I never felt this way" and i "can't believe this is happening" as soon i grab it i run out the backyard and i felt so happy knowing its going to all be over and when i opened the door i stood there not because i was afraid of it or letting go but because i know i will never feel this way again. Ive never seen anything thrown in such a fast and angry manner in my entire life. i literally said "Its all over" and the thoughts flowing in my mind were extravagant. i get my phone and message the kid i dont want to buy lsd or weed from you anymore, he says "okay so then what do you want?" so i told him "Nothing" and that was the end of it. Katawa shoujo has literally changed MY LIFE thank you so much 4LS you stopped me from losing my self and life the ones i love to drugs and clinical depression. I wouldnt have felt any of what i said if it wasnt for Katawa shoujo. "its just a game" i know that but power this game has to change a life like mine from drugs and dying to happiness and peace is fucking
AMAZING! I dont care what anyone else says about this game anymore, i was going to do LSD
At 14 For fucks
Sake! I smoked so much weed to the point that am reguarly losing my memories and forget what i am doing WHILE i amdoing it alongside not being able to answer questions as easily because my mom was arguing with me and it felt like my brain wasnt working, i seriously had trouble with what to say back literally stuttering as if i was scared. The feeling i have for this game is so powerful that Katawa Shoujo and all the admin at 4LS, You have just changed a teenagers life from DEATH so please i want you to know that i am forever grateful even if you never see this. I said "i want you to remember what i am going to say from this point"
because i want the reader to know that everything i said right after happened today.
I say these next lines with all seriousness. Hopefully, i have not rotted my 14 year old enough to not recover. i have gained short torm memory loss and lost the feel to interact with strangers at all. last night i kept waking up every so 40 minutes, yes i mean EVERY 40 minutes. i go to sleep at 11:00 wake up at 11:40 and this happened all the way to 4 am and i i wake up at 5. the worst part is that this is only weed! The most harmless drug compared to others! Please dont do drugs i now know what it feels like to be on the "other side" telling people to not do drugs hoping some will listen knowing others won't but because of katawa shoujo i am able to feel free and longer trapped by others or harmful drugs that weed was drawing me too. I am also sorry for making this possibly the most longest thing youve read here
The only reason i didnt do Lsd was because luckily the kid didnt find anyone in time before katawa shoujo came to save me from every trouble in my life even 8 years after its release!
I Will Never Feel This Way Again, So Thank you 4LS for Katawa Shoujo And Its Community For Giving Me A Second Chance To Restart In Life Unlike Some People Who Can't.
- A Tormented Teenager Saved By The Likes Of 4LS!
Edit: I teared up when I finished writing this knowing that many don't get the chance to come back from my kind of addiction and serious depression