Post
by Andere » Thu Jan 05, 2012 11:21 am
I'm going to rant about writercraft for a bit, if you'll excuse me. I don't think Shizune's route has a conflict. For the most part, I don't think it has conflicts in general. We're in a path-specific thread, so I'm not going to post this in spoilers.
Act 1 has a clear conflict, and it's the same regardless of route: Hisao is adjusting to his environment. At the end of Act 1, this is always resolved. Shizune inarguably has the best Act 1. Act 2 on Shizune's path doesn't have a conflict. Sure, Hisao is learning sign language, but this is a story event, not a conflict. There's no real tension to it, and him learning doesn't greatly change the story. Sure, there's talk about it being hard to talk to her with their hands full, or to get her attention, but Act 2 doesn't address the potential conflicts associated with Shizune's deafness so much as it invalidates them before they ever come up. What, narratively, was the point of her deafness? Let's be frank, her father has a lot of the same problems and none of the excuses, and her brother is about as equally incompetent on social matters. From a storytelling perspective, she could be separated from most people by her abrasive attitude and personality and little would be different. Similarly, why do they date? Narratively, what difference does their dating make? His attraction to Shizune is just another Mildly Troubling Event that's resolved before it can actually affect anything, and then it never affects anything ever again. Misha can feel replaced by Hisao's sign language skills just as easily without their entirely verbal agreement that they are a couple.
Most of Act 3 doesn't have a conflict, it has mildly troublesome story events. They go to her home! Oh no, Lilly and Shizune don't like each other. Shizune's dad is an asshole. There is post-coital awkwardness (which is never addressed, they just avoid each other until it goes away). None of these are presented with much tension. Then, in the second half of Act 3, we finally have a conflict! ...which is resolved by Hisao presenting his Act 1 character development, not by further character growth or development. Sure, Shizune grows a little, but that growth just means she's able to step back and let Hisao do it. And then we're treated to a short infodump about Shizune's perspective and the causes of her attitudes. Then Hisao is briefly troubled by his lack of a future goal! ...which is resolved in an instant of inspiration. And then the story's over! No moral.
You need conflict. Conflict is the food and water and oxygen of a story, and it dies about as quickly as you'd expect if denied it. As a result, the story just feels meandering and pointless, a journey without a real point or destination. And if anyone disagrees, please, feel free to tell me about the conflicts in this path. Break it down for me, because I'm not seeing it, and it's really keeping me from enjoying Shizune's story.