Secret Santa 2: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

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callmeemo
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by callmeemo » Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:19 am

Were the artists assigned a number to keep in mind for a particular object of their choice, or has the assortment just been incredibly lucky so far? 'Cause getting something for 9-12 seems like it'll start to get impossible without a pre-determined arrangement.

This whole project is awesome though.
"From far away, it looks like someone vomited a herd of butterflies on the wall."

whiteflags
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by whiteflags » Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:32 am

moekki's contributions have found a home on my hard drive despite how rude that may be.
X is scientifically proven to Y.

konflikti
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by konflikti » Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:00 pm

callmeemo wrote:Were the artists assigned a number to keep in mind for a particular object of their choice, or has the assortment just been incredibly lucky so far? 'Cause getting something for 9-12 seems like it'll start to get impossible without a pre-determined arrangement.
Santa Aura did it.
<+konflikti> A22: you are not Batman.
<A22> it's true, batman doesn't even kill people

<!Suriko> I WAS IN THE BATH

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Aura
>has heterochromia
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by Aura » Wed Dec 16, 2009 6:05 pm

On the eight day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got. So sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. And they’re always glad you came. But sometimes you wanna get drunk. That is what the bar is for. The bar is where it all goes down.

A man with soulless eyes enters the bar and plops down on a stool. He motions to the bartender and in a broken voice orders a drink. “Rum and coke. Maybe I can find answers at the bottom.” Muto was a man beaten by life. His goals in life have yet to be fulfilled and he wastes his life teaching some gimp kids, a job he sees as meaningless. Though he is in a position to guide his students he chooses not to. “Damned kids cant get guidance from a fool.” Just as Muto was about to sip on his drink, a younger looking man stepped into the bar. Confidence and virtue gleamed off his skin under the dim lights. His eyes, when they were open, had a childlike softness and innocence. He noticed a co-worker sitting at the bar and decided to sit down beside him.

“Tequilla.”, he ordered in a gentle voice. Muto took a taste of his rum and coke and looked at the man who sat next to him, tilting his eyebrow.

“Well seems like the boyscout enjoys the life force of the Mexican. Well Mr. Nurse,what is the golden child doing in a place like this?”

Nurse chuckled and smiled. “Sometimes a drink is needed to warm up the spirit.” Muto looked at his drink and said, “Or drown it.” Nurse shook his head. The bartender placed Nurse’s drink down in front of him then returned to washing beer mugs. “Is life that bad?” Nurse asked. “The fuck would you know Saint Seiya, you bitch. How could you understand my pain? You never had your dreams and aspirations crushed and eroded by the sea of life!” These words pierced through to Nurse’s core. He looked down at his drink and drank it in one gulp. “No. I know that pain too. You think you are the only one who had dreams? I hide my pain and my past with a gentle front. I could have been a great doctor man. House? House could have sucked my balls. How did I lose my promising future?” Muto responded, “Let me guess. She said she was 18?” Nurse slammed his fist onto the bar, “You’re goddamned right she said that! And now I am fated to waste away in this backwater town caring for a bunch of invalids.” Just then a rather portly fellow emerged from the corner of the bar brandishing a glass of Brandy. He sipped on it as if he had class and made his way toward the bar. “You boys are wrong! This life we live is not meaningless! We must live and die for art!” he exclaimed. “The fuck you talkin bout Nomiya”, they said in unison. “What am I talking about? Let me ask you something. Have you ever looked into the abyss? Well I have and let me tell you something. He who looks into the abyss realizes that there’s nothing looking back at him and the only thing he sees is his own character. Understand?” Muto looked at him in disgust. “You are a crazy old pervert and that’s all you will ever be. Take your abyss and shove it up your-” Suddenly the sound of a mini coupe sittin on dubs could be heard approaching the bar, Jim Jones’ “We Fly High” blasting over the stereo system. Seconds later Akira entered the bar in a fresh white suit, sunglasses and top hat. “Ballin!” she exclaimed. “I just broke up with my girl last night so I thought I’d have a drank.” Akira sat at the bar and the bartender gave her a wink. The bartender was none other than Yuuko. She instantly mixed a drink for Akira and before she could even give it Akira smoothly said “Lets ditch this place and have fun at my spot tonight.” Yuuko and Akira withdrew from the bar and left in the mini coupe sittin on dubs as T-Pain’s “Bartender” blasted on the stereo. Muto, Nomiya and Nurse, flabbergasted by what they just saw, left and went home. Hours later they died from arsenic poisoning. Akira however lived as she didn’t drink anything Yuuko prepared. Why would anyone trust Yuuko to make a drink?

The moral of this tale is to FLY HIGH, NO LIE, AND YOU KNOW THIS. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLIN!

“Don’t smoke don’t drink that’s why I ain’t by the bar baby.” - Akon


...eight double whiskeys
seven dykes a-frolicking
six desks a-stacked
five meido clones
four butterflies
three snow balls
two dragon fangs
and a moeblob singing to me

OscarGoldman completed VCR's request "Nomiya, Nurse, Muto and Akira drinking together at a bar".
<Aura> would you squeeze a warm PVC bottle between your thighs and call it "manaka-chan"
<Suriko> I would do it if it wouldn't be so hard to explain to my parents

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Quidoo
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by Quidoo » Wed Dec 16, 2009 6:17 pm

Santa Aura wrote:I could have been a great doctor man. House? House could have sucked my balls.
Unquestionable brilliance.
"Leo Burnett and 4Kids are the devil!"

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VCR
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by VCR » Wed Dec 16, 2009 7:44 pm

:<
I demand a pretty picture ;_;
Yuuko and Akira withdrew from the bar and left in the mini coupe sittin on dubs as T-Pain’s “Bartender” blasted on the stereo. Muto, Nomiya and Nurse, flabbergasted by what they just saw, left and went home. Hours later they died from arsenic poisoning. Akira however lived as she didn’t drink anything Yuuko prepared. Why would anyone trust Yuuko to make a drink?
I admit I enjoyed this though.
Image
[13:00:51] <buckingham> why do you have to shit on my parade delta-kun you baka >_<

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Lacan
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by Lacan » Wed Dec 16, 2009 8:13 pm

I did it all for the nookie

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callmeemo
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by callmeemo » Wed Dec 16, 2009 8:39 pm

I love a good twist. The atmosphere just changed, utterly, at the end, and it's awesome.
"From far away, it looks like someone vomited a herd of butterflies on the wall."

Arroz
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by Arroz » Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:48 pm

All that my brain can react to this article is the vastly overused word "シュール"...

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sonnysonny
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by sonnysonny » Wed Dec 16, 2009 10:42 pm

Is it just me or did anyone else not find these very funny...
Im in your house, kicking your ass.

The Commissar
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by The Commissar » Thu Dec 17, 2009 2:12 am

Oh...my...god...
My side is hurting so much. That was awesome.
Resident "morale officer".

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EternalLurker
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by EternalLurker » Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:16 am

What is......what..........Damnit, I needed those brain cells.

Oh wait, last exam finished yesterday. Guess I didn't. Wonderful, you've even killed the brain cells used for long-term memory.

......

*runs off to replay KS and see if he forgot anything*

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toast
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by toast » Thu Dec 17, 2009 12:01 pm

Greatest thing I've ever read.
<!Aura-> I did a line of powdered fig dust mixed with high grade blow from the ass of a supermodel wearing a Misha kigurumi at the party yesterday

<buckingham> it is not my fault you all have awful fucking taste

[17:42:51] <!Delta_Kurshiva> no fun allowed

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Aura
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by Aura » Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:06 pm

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
auratodoomfest.jpg
auratodoomfest.jpg (1.53 MiB) Viewed 2331 times
...nine days of orgies
eight double whiskeys
seven dykes a-frolicking
six desks a-stacked
five meido clones
four butterflies
three snow balls
two dragon fangs
and a moeblob singing to me

I completed Doomfest's request "KS girls in a submarine with Shizune as the captain".
<Aura> would you squeeze a warm PVC bottle between your thighs and call it "manaka-chan"
<Suriko> I would do it if it wouldn't be so hard to explain to my parents

Elroy
Posts: 125
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Re: 12 Days of Crippled Christmas

Post by Elroy » Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:16 pm

Oh God, it's everything someone could want and more! Couldn't have a better closing line than "~Impregnate them all~"

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