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Mirage_GSM

So, I've caught up now. Main problem is still tenses; everything else is fine. If you want you can send me a google doc link, and I will go over future chapters for proofreading. A few more comments: I see that the sun is only just peaking peeking up over the horizon. As we all make our way back to ...

Mirage_GSM

Something wrong with the sequence of this dialogue (shortened for clarity): [Ritsu]“Yeah… me too. So, uh, how are you?” ... This is the first time I hear her saying anything that might lead to a conversation of her own initiative, ... I'm also scrambling for things to say. [Hisao?]“I’m fine, yeah. Y...

Mirage_GSM

I'm not completely done with reading, but I like what I've seen so far. You have made some interesting characters, but you haven't rushed to info-dump all their histories on us from the start. You're kkeping up a nice pacing, and interesting stuff keeps happening - maybe almost a bit too much for ju...

Mirage_GSM

Thank you for continuing this story. I'm glad to see it's still going.

One minor point:
It's a bit strange that Hisao - who is the narrator of this story - would refer to his friend, who he is on a first-name basis with, as "Mr. Tatsunagi" in his internal narration...

Mirage_GSM

I see Akio and I kissing... I see Akio and I eating "Akio and me" in both cases. Miki carrying around vodka bottle is awfully in character for her, lol. Though probably a bit unnecessary, considering Taro has a whole nightclub in his appartment :-) I also would not necessarily call this s...

Mirage_GSM

Ah, that was sweet...

And nice to see the story have a happy end after it took a dark turn in the middle.

Mirage_GSM

I'm going to assume they died in a car crash, since neither of them had particularly lethal problems :-) (unless Suzu was driving of course.) I also think it' strange that nobody ever bothered to tell Hisao about what happened to Misaki. I'd expect one of the first things to explain to someone who w...

Mirage_GSM

“H-he was a second y-year. Wh-when we were second ye-years,” I explain. My first thought was that he had been held back... And there I was wondering that the story was hardly bleak at all up to this point... How naive of me! :oops: That said, it was as always a brilliant story. Not much more I can ...

Mirage_GSM

I guess if a Japanese couple goes for a "western" wedding they pick and choose from any western tradition they like - and I would not be surprised at all if they mix up the terms... For example here in Germany the concept of "Maid of Honour" does not exist. Both parties bring a &...

Mirage_GSM

Well, I didn't make any detailed plans or anything, but my first thought was that for some people - especially Hanako - such a box might be quite traumatic...

Mirage_GSM

I do know what Charlie Brown is, but to be honest it would not have helped me much in this context. All I know are a few comic strips of kids being philosophical with each other. ^ ° Hisao is a bit of a saint in this one. I have been in a similar situation before - my GF breaking up with me after fo...

Mirage_GSM

Thank you very much for the story! It certainly was not what I expected, but I liked it a lot. You know, one of the hardest things about writing for me is to find something to write about - a prompt if you will. So when it came to coming up with one for this year's SS, just for fun I asked ChatGPT t...

Mirage_GSM

In that case, you, too can feel free to add the German translation to your version.

Mirage_GSM

Is that a separate project from the one avonder did?

Mirage_GSM

Naughty or Nice That was a lovely bit of lighthearted fun, Mirage! I love when Hisao gets a friend group rather than a love interest, especially one with familiar faces. :lol: Is Leon your name for GreyHair McNoName and is he a foreign exchange student? It's a bit of a reference to one of my older ...

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