Katawa Shoujo Forums

35 chess games take a LONG time - certainly more time than you plan for this story to take given the pace you're going... But one thing: I sigh. "Don't apologize. I promised her that I'd be there for you. Given what we learned about Hanako in her route THIS is the one thing she wouldn't like t...

I'm letting her leave. That is my biggest mistake. I never tried to convince her otherwise, and couldn't open myself truly to her. As her car leaves, I turn to the girl at my side. Her look of pain and sadness betrays her feelings. And I just let her best friend leave. She must hate me. "So wha...

I'm used to a forum where carp is the fill in for certain words... Clever joke.

Aww carp. I replaced Aki's POV chapter on accident.

Chapter 3 repost; As I wake up to an alarm beeping, I punch the alarm. I let out a yelp of pain. Dammit, maybe Mr. Nakai could fix my clock after this? Aggh, I'm too tired for this. What day is it again? I peek at the calendar I had set up. Oh, It's Sunday. I have nothing to do, and I don't wanna st...

Mirage_GSM wrote:I'll read them once you've caught up.
One recommendation from me would be to repost them from here instead of replacing the earlier posts. Will be very confusing for someone coming late to the party to figure out what people are talking about...

Ahh sorry, I'll do that next time lol.

I have updated my first chapter, and I want to ask. Is it better? I will be updating the other chapters later, probably today or tomorrow at the earliest.

Also, how does one post pictures ere? I assume through Imgur or something like that.
EDIT: Chapter 2 has now been updated.

Ok, due to the fact that I am not liking the way my chapters are formatted, and due to the fact that my approach has slightly changed, I am restarting this story. I have done this upon reading the critiques, and will try to make the rewritten chapters better based on them.

Chapter 4: "Urrrgh." Why does morning have to come so early? Oh well. I look across my dorm. This place is pretty boring, what with the shade of white. I haven't been able to decorate it, to be honest. I go through my usual preparations. I then check my watch: 7:10 AM Ok, that gives me eno...

Honestly I'd love to own a Hanako plush doll, but I don't know anyone who can sew that won't judge me, can't order online, and I'd be judged by my whole family... Oh well. :/ learning to sew/knitt/crochet isn't that hard to be honest, materials aren't THAT expensive either and you end up learning a...

Chapter 3: "Sis, come on!" The two kids ran through a field of grass. It was sunset, and the sun illuminated the field they were running in. "No fair, bro! You always beat me!" "Suck it up! Dinner is ready at home now." --------------------------------------------------...

Mirage_GSM wrote:Yes, I did notice, but if you exclude dialogue you can't have other characters reacting to it...

Fair point. I'll keep that in mind. I didn't wanna bore others by repeating myself.

If she's speaking twice, what's the next line about? His response took me way off guard. Seriously, this guy is so dense. He hasn't responded at all...[/quote This is basically a retelling of the last chapter, where he responds at this junction. If you notice, I also exclude some other dialogue. So...

Okay, tenses are really all over the place in this one. I think it's supposed to be present tense now, but there are at least a dozen past tenses strewn in. Also, did you have two different people talk on the same line here? "H-hello!" Shit! Gotta keep calm! Easy now. "W-what did you...

Chapter 2.5: (Aki's perspective) I like spending time with Sara. Sure she has some faults, like being too motherly, but I don't mind them, mostly. She also knows what I like. Other people just assume that I have no hobbies, but inreality, I like playing games. Nobody can match me once I lose myself ...