So, nobody else ever replied after you fixed it. Just posting to say "Fixed would have been nice. I didn't even know myself until I accidentally licked the wrong link.) Now let me give you my opinion noiw that I can read it. “You suffered a concussion and had to staple a cut on your head, we current...
The translation is a bit clunky, but I think you're already showing some improvement there. I'm glad you ditched the script style. It reads much better without it. I don't think your first chapter was needed at all. It didn't do anything to really set things up other than making the character feel l...
There's also the Shizune issue... Echo filters. You know the effect in TV-shows and movies where we can hear a character's thoughts, even though the character actually does not speak? Shizune would still have a voice actress, but add an echo filter to her recordings to indicate that it's actually h...
I find a lot of attempts tend to give Kenji a winey voice too, and that's just not how I pictured him. To me, he sounds like a perfectly average (and maybe even cool) guy until you realize exactly what it is he's talking about.