Katawa Shoujo Forums

Can you elaborate on what you mean by "grid concept" and what the alternative would have been?
A static novel?

IIrc the pacing is quite a lot faster than in your first version...
If this is supposed to be tuesday, Hisao hasn't run with Emi and hasn't even met Rin yet.

Yes, after dragging her all the way from the front gate to their homeroom - which again is on the third floor - without her showing any signs of trouble.

No, that scene is in Act one when Shizune and Misha tell him to go to the art room to fetch stuff - shortly before he first meets Rin.

First time I heard of that project...
The last post in their dev blog is from two years ago, and from it's contents I think it's safe to assume that the project is as dead as Hisao after the Deep End...

Well that would explain Misha's weird aversion to stairs... Yes, about that, it's really suspicious that Misha only complains about stairs at a single point in the story when she conveniently get's out of doing work because of it. She happily climbs the stairs to their classroom (which is on the th...

I have to say though that there is so much snark in the narration that it really doesn't feel like Hisao to me. It's hard to get comfortable with, like a lot of times I'll read lines and just think that I really can't picture Hisao saying that at all. He's not quite so frank or irreverent. That rea...

“I have a spatula!” Will warned them, “and a chicken familiar!” Beware! It's Captain Spatula ! “It does taste like paint stripper!” she groaned, “Also why am I cross-eyed?” Misha should be cuatious. Becoming blind is a hindrance for a sign language interpreter... “Nope!” Dave replied, “Thanks for t...

Not quite. 3rd person limited narration restricts the narrator to knowing the thoughts and feelings of just one character in the story. It does not make the narrator share any psychological conditions that character might have. So in 3rd person limited you CAN tell us Rin's thoughts but you have to ...

So... Is this Rin narrating and she refers to herself in the third person, or do we have a narrator who is somehow just as spacey as Rin is?

I have been trying to tell people—the ones I betaread for—about using Em dashes as well with little success. Actually I simply use normal dashes for Em-dashes, En-dashes and hyphens - mostly because I'm too lazy to type some obscure piece of punctuation that isn't even on my native keyboard and bec...

I don't think this is how you're supposed to use dashes: I was taught that they always had to be in pairs--a bit like this--but, on the other hand, I do remember doing what you did a few times in my own writing. Not sure where you're from to have been taught this, but it's not used in the English l...

I step through the entrance to the male dorms,

Pretty sure the dorms are neither male nor female...

So... pretty weird kind of talk for a first date there at the end - even for somone like Naomi.

Otherwise good chapter!

I'll read them once you've caught up.
One recommendation from me would be to repost them from here instead of replacing the earlier posts. Will be very confusing for someone coming late to the party to figure out what people are talking about...

That subtitles thing was meant to be a lighthearted joke at English folks who insist on watching japanese shows and movies with the original audio, except it's obviously the inverse in Hisao's case. If it's too out of place I don't mind removing it. I get the joke, but maybe it would work better if...