Katawa Shoujo Forums

Well... It might have helped to know what this is supposed to be a crossover OF...
As is for me it's just a bunch of characters I don't know doing random stuff.

Hi! Welcome back! The concept of the story feels very familiar... I can't help but compare it to FluffandCrunch's "Whisky, Saki and other Spirits" . In both an adult Hisao returns to the classroom to converse with the ghost of Saki, though here, Saki is not actually dead yet, but the biggest differe...

The ending of the story sets up a interesting scenario that it's a shame that we never got to see play out. I agree that it is an interesting concept... But I'm not sure whether or not it is a bad thing it was never continued. I can think of few concepts that wouldn't have amounted to something ver...

(The super popular bread is the veal cutlet bread in case you can't remember. They also mention chicken katsudon bread being very popular.) I admit, the game has me highly curious about these breads. "Katsudon" is just Japanese for cutlet. Neither of the two is really a uniquely Japanese dish. They...

Nice twist at the end. It's been some time since a story here really surprised me. This one did.
Well done!

Downix wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:48 pm

...I asked him for something his mother might call a girl wearing too much makeup.

What you were looking for is probably Gyaru.
I don't recommend using it, though. You don't want to make your readers look up obscure slang terms. It really wrecks story immersion..

Yeah, those kinds of things happen when you try to use idioms from a language you don't speak. I recommend against doing stuff like that. If you're not sure what the meaning is yourself, how are your readers supposed to guess? And speaking of which - in the four lines you added you use the word "Vij...

Not necessarily, yes. But here it seems to be the ONLY goal. And as soon as it reaches it the story breaks off mid-sentence. If a H-scene were to follow, it would not necessarily be better, but at least understandable. If it were a lead-in to developing the characters - in any way really - there wou...

The door opens and Rika is standing there, now in a simple dress. “Was I right?” Hmm... At the beginning of the chapter it feels like there are a couple of lines of dialogue missing between Hisao and Rika. Not sure what the "Was I right" is referring to... Also... Water Girl? I have no idea what th...

As an experiment in perspective it works I guess.
As anything more... Not so much.
The story's goal seems to be to get to two girls in their underwear as fast as possible...

Rika ponders a moment. “Imagine if one of her sleep episodes happened at just the wrong moment. Fall out a window, don’t move out of the way of a car, that kind of thing. I don’t know what happened, I just know it was one of the funerals we had last year” No, that's not how Narcolepsy works. With t...

He uses Hana multiple times in his interiour monologue. Is he really already so familiar with her that he would do that? As for Aira, when I checked earlier I found it as a native american name and as a nordic one. Looking further down the google results I have now also found a Japanese one, but it'...

Huh, didn't he already reply to the letter in an earlier chapter? And reading the reply I noticed that it almost sounds like "Don't worry about me, I'm surrounded by cute girls. I'm even dating one of them and she handled her confession WAY better than you did!" :-) Also he adressed her as "Iwanko" ...

I do hope she doesn't report that additional pill to her father :-) So no forged documents after all just ones that weren't for Rika in the first place... He might have expected her to be pset once she read those - but I guess thinking about Rika's feelings is not somthing he has much experience wit...

fundoshi

Okay, I like to think my Japanese is quite a bit beyond the beginner level and I had to look that up...