Katawa Shoujo Forums

Hmm... I think you modified the timeline of events at the end of Lilly's route a bit, so you should make clear just what you changed so readers won't be confused. I hadn't realized I changed anything. What exactly was it that changed? Mostly Hanako already having left on her trip when Lilly left fo...

Hmm... I think you modified the timeline of events at the end of Lilly's route a bit, so you should make clear just what you changed so readers won't be confused.
Otherwise you have avoided most of the pitfalls from your first attempt, and Angus is not quite the caricature he was before

Finally found the time to read this. After your introduction I thought it might be best to wait till I had the time to read it in one go... I have to say you did a great job conveying the dreamy feeling, especially in the first chapter. From the very beginning the chapter felt off somehow without me...

I'm doing the Emi version:

"Hey, Emi, how should I cut up that bell pepper?"

"Put down the tomato and get out of the kitchen!"

Okay,
a) the text literally says Shizune was signing it the line before, and
b) Why would Shizune be angry if the reply was addressed to Misha?

Hmm, you're right, that scene was on Saturday, I misremembered that. Still I don't think that was like Shizune. She does heckle people for being lazy or for breaking the rules. The line “So Hicchan~ We didn’t know you had a girlfriend! So that’s why you resisted our charm and didn't join the council...

Maybe we can get Hoitash to write this

Would she do that for just a friend? Should be pretty obvious that she doesn't consider him 'just a friend'... (Maybe some kind of transition here? Or just leave blank?) I always use "***" but anyway leaving the notes in is the worst option :-) and with the festival tomorrow there’s even more of a ...

I'm pretty sure it would be next to impossible to find an arranged marriage candidate for Saki.
I can also hardly imagine that her parents would try...

The original draft of it had Hisao a lot more cynical and not enjoying the time at home nearly as much as he is. But once I started writing it, it just came out this way.

Letting your characters have a say in how the story progresses is always a good idea

It's nice that these are still coming in.
I updated the Story Collection thread with the link to this one.

I felt as if there was a bit missing at the beginning of the chapter, but after rereading the end of the previous one, I can guess what it is...

I'm generally not a fan of horror stories, so keep in mind that that might influence my opinion of this story in the future, but so far you've done a decent job - barring what Oddball said.
It's an interesting take to tell a horror story from the perspective of a blind person...

save me hundreds of dollars a year?

Does he send his car to the states to have it fixed?

“are you sure your okay helping us with this?”

You're

Hanako is overreacting a bit here, but hey, it's one of your stories, so par for the course, eh?
Also we get more Son-hee which excuses a lot

So... Heartbreak opened up quite a lot storylines in just a very short chapter. Depending on the skill of the author it might have become a very interesting story or a sorry mess. Guess we'll never find out. Mirrors in the Sun is just a scene with no deeper meaning behind it, but I had to laugh agai...