Katawa Shoujo Forums

I'm noticing some similarities to another currently ongoing fic here on the forum... I like your story anyway. There were one or two typos again, but nothing major. Ont thing though: I think Lilly's position is class representative, not class president. President is Shizune's position in the Student...

I just hope it's not the original ending...
But the setup so far suggests it will be.
Well, I hope I'll be proven wrong.

Since the story couldn't go on without those important information, I made this, and it felt akward but okay... Why?Wha's the special need to give this information in the first chapter? If it feels awkward, just wait for an opportunity to bring it up. And I assure you that opportunity will come as ...

One more thing: The bus ha s ve left some time s ago. Other than that a very good story. I'm not sure I like the bit about the narrator directly adressing the reader. For me 4th wall breaking always has the connotation of comedy. Also it feels a bit out of place because he only does it at one point....

Sorry... My Spanish leaves much to be desired, and I can't actually watch the video with the crappy connection I have here...

This seems to be a spanish version on Youtube.
I'm sure they have an english one as well somewhere.
It's actuallyvery confusing to watch, if you understand the German audio^^°

Tomate wrote:Man, you need to put spoiler tags, ...

He explicitly asks for plot details in the thread title. If you don't want to be spoiled you should not open threads like that at all!

Ja, wir arbeiten an der deutschen Übersetzung, aber es gibt noch kein Releasedatum.

Yes, we are working on the German Translation, but there isn't any release date yet.

Okay, so you went for silly...

Anyway, tenses are better in this one; only two or three off.
And Sun Tzu offered many pieces of wisdom, but "Divide and Conquer" is from another famous general: Julius Ceasar.

There's one path where he writes back... I think it was Lilly's, but I'm not sure.
In Shizune's path, he doesn't write back, though Kenji tries to convince him to.

Misha calls Lilly "Miss Satou"???

"She told me to call everybody but you." doesn't necessarily mean Lilly wants Akira to call anyone. It just means that Akira shouldn't call Hisao if he was the last person on earth.
Also, this is Akira speaking, so we should take every quote with a grain of salt.

A few minor typos, but otherwise another good chapter.
Two things I'd like to mention:
1.) Eyes do not wake up. Yes, this is a literary device, but try not to overuse it or use too glaring examples of it...
2.) "...and soon I find myself without any more food."

No, Florinu123 established in the first chapter that Hanako was joining class 3–3. Oh right, I missed that in Chapter one or I would have commented right then. Hanako has been in Yamaku for longer than that - except if griffon is right and you want to make this an alternate reality fic. Edit: In th...

Interesting chapter. Some typos again but nothing major.
Some miscellaneous remarks:
- If this is their first year, Misha should still have her long hair.
- Rin doesn't name her paintings.
- Rin generally seems a bit OOC in this scene, but, hey, par for the course