Katawa Shoujo Forums

The new WoW expansion's first raid tier is on farm, important alts have been levelled ... Got three levelled so far, but currently my home internet is experiencing sporadic disconnects - which puts a damper on instances in general. So I'm currently catching up on some offline games like Pillars II....

One of the few stories I did not comment on when it came out for one reson or another. Maybe I wanted to wait for more chapters that never came. Given the start it could have been quite good. There were a few promising plot hooks... But in all likelyhood those were just teasing without any actual st...

If only more parents put as much value on traffic safety as Mr. Satou...
We'd have a lot more mental scars in our kids than physical ones.

I should do my part to try and keep this place alive too. Having nobody else to talk to about this game every now and then would be quite depressing. Start some topics, people will jump in. ... Well, at least i will. Probably. Most likely Mirage too. I don't guarantee anything else. Depends. I can ...

It is a fact of life that there are people who do consider killing themselves. I don't think there's anyone who never stood in a high place and considered how easy it would be to jump... Heck, I know I did, and I never had any reason or inclination to harm myself - I wouldn't even consider getting a...

So, regarding spelling and grammar what I noted for your first story still applies. Tenses, punctuation and prepositions are all over the place.

Regarding the story itself, this one has less stuff that makes no sense, so there's improvement here.

I like it as well, and I think that scene fits very nicely after Rin's bad end. I didn't stumle over the "do nots" at all. Sometimes it's a nice, subtle way to express emphasis, and personally I like to use it for Lilly's speech consistently, just to set her dialogue a small bit apart from the other...

The problem is not that the story deviates from the real world in some ways. As you said those differences are minor, and I wouldn't have mentioned them myself. The problem is that those deviations are used as explanations/excuses for real plot problems that do arise in the story - and in this case ...

Actually, I think most Scots' native language is Scots, which is mutually intelligible with English, but still considered a separate language. I'm actually amazed that you found an explanation that at least makes a modicum of sense - though I don't believe you came up with it beforehand... Also if ...

As far as idioms go, I was thinking it'd be funnier to just have him use the literal translation of the original saying, thought that might be hard to represent in text without disrupting story flow by having characters lampshade it in their thoughts, or a translator's note To go for a joke like th...

Well, a good way to start would be to - use short sentences - don't use idioms - use incorrect grammar in some places (ideally consistently the same things) - have him pause to think at certain intervals - also what Hesmiyu said. Using the previous sentence as an example Well, to be perfectly honest...

I don't think so. I'm actually not sure which story was his first, but I remember it being close to unreadable with no line breaks and sentences running on for up to ten (!) lines... Edit: "Lost Memories" was the first, and I have the example for the run-on sentence in post #2. It seems there are fo...

I think I provided ample commentary on that story's numerous shortcomings in the original thread... "She did see us going at it, so it's only logical that you let her get in on the action" Right. Logical. Completely logical. Inevitable, really. Fate. Kismet. Nothing else he could have done...[/sarca...

Okay, that's my cue to get out of here. It was fun while it lasted.

He's not supposed to be perfectly fluent. He knows enough to deal with his business and to get around, but that's it. In all the chapters so far he has never once used incorrect grammar or looked for some vocabulary he was missing. Random sentence from the previous chapter: Well, to be perfectly ho...