Katawa Shoujo Forums

This Harvest Moon?
Looks like Farmville with a marriage option...

There's a semi-canon fanfiction by... I think it was by cpl_crud... Featuring her in the secret santa two years ago. So not really inner workings of the VN
I used her personality from that story in Katawa Kijo.

I think Lilly is quite a bit ooc in this chapter. First she's even clumsier than Hisao when she confronts Hanako, then she's bossing around Akira...

I thought this inner monologue dragged on just a bit too long at the end...
Oh, and Ms Miyagi is female.
Otherwise good chapter again.

Okay, where do I start... First of all, you chose to write this story in present tense. That's a bit unusual for a story using omniscient narrative, but it's your decision. In two or three places you still used past tense, most glaringly in the beginning of the chapter. Try to keep it consistent. Mo...

Hey, this is RIN doing the thinking here

Agree it was a well-written chapter - even if the loser-has-to-do-anything game is sligtly overused by now...

I mostly agree with oddball that I don't really want to simply read another version of the original VN. What I did see before I started skipping ahead was not bad. I'll get back to this thread once you get to the original stuff. Just one thing: Since you directly addressed Aura - he doesn't normally...

Second anniversary and they STILL haven't had that ring resized?
Anyway, nice chapter, but a few times you messed up with the tenses. Maybe read it over once more to check for consistency...

That was... Fun. A lot of fun in fact

Well, I see a bit of a difference between taking someone out for a round of pool and teasing them about having had sex for the first time.
Heck, I would have been mortified by the latter when I was that age, but if you think that's about the same - it's your story.

Not that i want to turn this into a vote, but CK is right. This piece has a really strong ending and stands well on it's own. I wouldn't add to it. Your story, though...

Fun fact: At least here in Kyoto, Tanabata is today (Jul 7th).
Seems to be the same day every year, too.

Teasing Hisao is perfectly okay for Akira, but doing so in Hanako's presence could send her in a three day panic locked in her room for all she knows... And yes, you are limiting yourself. By writing script style you are ripping your readers from the story everytime there is a bit of dialogue. That ...

I'm not an expert on boxing by any means, but two things I noticed:
1. I don't think boxing is really that effective as a form of self defense. At least I have never heard of it being taught for that purpose.
2. It is probably rather hard to talk while wearing a mouthguard...