Katawa Shoujo Forums

What does she need energy drinks for if her problem is not being able to sleep? I feel that lately your story has been losing a lot of momentum. The few one shots were great, but the mainstory is just chapter after chapter of reading about Suzu's complexes and issues right now. You might consider co...

Members of Secret Societies are not normal. If they were, they wouldn't be members.

Okay, substitute "rational" for "normal"

Interesting read, but "natural progression" might be pushing it a bit

By now 80% of your story seems to be Hisao and Kenji shooting at bad guys who fall like flies despite supposedly having had combat training and superior equipment. Why did they even retreat from that island in the previous chapter? They faced much worse odds before and since. Besides, it's one thing...

Suddenly, enlightenment hits me in the form of a faraway neon sign. The one thing that’ll get Suzu’s attention. The one universal symbol of joy that no woman can ever turn away from. Shoes. Really? Buying shoes as a present? “Pretty sure an international terrorist wouldn’t misspell ‘deliver.’” Quit...

the capitalization of "the Father" and "the Mother." I just find it really irritating to see them not so. It's effectively a name, and names have capital letters. Though, I suppose I would only really be justified writing from "the little girl"'s point of view rather than an omniscient one. No, the...

From what I gathered from the discussion the first time this pic was posted, the girl is some kind of man-eating alien from a VN called Saya no Uta.
"Okaeri" means "Welcome back".
To find it funny you probably need to know the VN.

Passage slightly shortened: rin "There is this boy." rin "At the art club." rin "He is blind." hi "Oh. How can you paint if you are blind?" rin "No idea." hi "So why is he there?" rin "That's the point. He is there." rin "He can't really do anything that you'd call art, right? But he comes there any...

She paused for a moment and pressed her temple to her forehead.

That sounds interesting... How does she do that?

You should try to decide whether or not to use the code names in the narrative. Either is fine, just don't jump back and forth all the time.

Well, my guess was he is mute, because otherwise he could have just called out to her - whoever she is. Muteness is hardly ever sports-related, though. I think the Japanese play baseball in much the same way everyone else does, but I can't tell you if you made any mistakes there, since I know hardly...

I believe in encouraging people when they put themselves out there, I do as well, but for me that's only the second purpose - the first is helping writers improve, and most authors here appreciate that. Now, I'm not telling you to take my word for the true gospel, but I will give you my honest opin...

Shouldn't the girls already know about Hisao and Hanako, since Hanako was the one organizing the party?

I apologized before the story and do so again, especially if I honked up the IDs. Not all that much. I've seen Anonymous22 shortened to A22 before but never to Anon22, and Hivemind so far never complained about any missing definite articles... However, both "She Who Glows" and "The Prettiest Girl" ...

Someone is taking that comment way too seriously... I am not telling you to stop. I was pointing out some flaws (or what I see as such), but aside from that you did/do write a decent story. It's just that I think the first chapter had an ending that would have stood very well on its own, and in my o...

High time the dev team got their own fanfic
So who's "The Prettiest Girl, The Coordinator of Creation"? Aura?
"The One With The Bees" confused me as well.

Anyway, they must have been really pissed to take such ham-fisted approaches to fixing the story.