Katawa Shoujo Forums

Heh, I remember this one...(as I should^^°) but I didn't think it was written this long ago... I know, I know. Both of my long stories are pre-full release. So I have equally wrong things in Emi's Winter Break. Actually that's a 'problem' with many pre-release Fanfictions. At the time the only thing...

Well, when I was reading it, It was a bit annoying to be honest. One section, the girl seemed to be Hanako, a few lines down, she felt like Emi, Lilly or Rin. I was going to write a scathing comment about that until I got to your annotation... And I really didn't find a section where she sounded lik...

Wow, that was a fast resolution...
Not that I mind - it's better than drawing it out endlessly - but still it felt more like a Miki route than a Saki one...

I tried to give Iwanako a little bit of each of the 5 KS girls' personalities (or quirks)

If that was intentional, I congratulate you; it was exceptionally well done.

Original concept and good use of language.
I like it.
You had me going until "Because I wear glasses."

Two (very minor) nitpicks:
1.) The word you were looking for is "hikikomori"
2.) Black hair is not really much of a distinguishing feature in Japan.

Ah, Aura, how devious... You make an argument against producing KS2 and disguise it as an April Fools Joke :mrgreen: ... but is the concept art from an actual project, or are they just that dedicated to April's Fools? Could be both, but the are dedicated. Just check out the entries of years * past ....

Good writing, good grammar, no obvious typos - and lots of fresh OCs. Colour me interested. Writing Rin as a love interest would be... demanding. Be sure you really want to do this before you try. Write Suzu only if you think your story will be sufficiently different from Scissorlips'. So my recomen...

...people sometimes mistake him for a narcoleptic.

*Achoo*
Now, why do I get the feeling that was aimed at me...

Great chapter again!
I especially like your constant inclusion of secondary characters. Keeps your stories very varied.

I'm beginning to suspect that my initial diagnosis of "troll" was correct after all...

You just cannot be pleased arent you Mirage_GSM? I never saw you with a positive reinforcement in the stories that I browsed. There are plenty of stories I gave positive feedback to. In general, though, I think it's more helpful for the author to get tips on improvement than posting "great chapter"...

“But-” Hanako was just about to argue when Lily cut her Bit of an extreme reaction, don't you think? ... ... You know, I actually expected this to be a funny copy/paste error... It took me until "unbreathing" to realize what you were trying to express here. Then I thought this was just a trowaway s...

Speaking of language barrier...
I didn't notice because I only looked at the translations when I first read this, but is this Chinese? I've never seenJapanese without any kana.

Well... It feels a bit like you wanted to tell a story, but couldn't be bothered to do it properly so you just wrote a summary... A few things are disjointed; I think a few even contradict themselves, like Saki not knowing her father but still being called to his deathbed... Also I'm not sure how Ri...

I think the quote above was sourced to the Oxford style guide - not sure which edition.

That’s... That’s right.

I'd like to know how you would fit a comma there instead of an ellipsis...
It's one incomplete sentence petering out and beginning anew.

You're starting to sell me on this point. Keep in mind though that its not a massive monks hood we're talking about,... Keep in mind that you want to show that she has improved in the meantime. Do you know much about the musical or the film based on it? The Phantom is presented as a romantic charac...