Katawa Shoujo Forums

As it is I'm still not sure how widespread Imperial is; if its just the 50-ish% of the world formerly a part of the British Empire that uses it, or if its more convoluted then that It's not really hard to remember. Apart from the US the only countries who do not use metric as their primary system a...

A few thousand words of people packing their bags? Looks like Helbereth is back ;-) Looking forward to see more Yoko. “Oh, he's listening, I'm sure,” I say, shaking my head and smirking knowingly, “he just has a mental block stopping him from hearing... Shouldn't it be the other way around? I feel w...

obstreperous Yay! I learned a new word. Usually I'd count being able to handle a situation like this without complications as a sign for "Mary Sue", but you managed to make it believable. Honestly, "Mary Sue" has never entered my mind throughout this fic, it just felt completely natural that Hanako...

I di d n't really think I would find Haruo there... ...But I also have to take into consideration yours and other pupil's situations. ... I sent the lectures of yesterday to yours and Haruo's mail... "...your and other pupil's situations" and "your and Haruo's mail" Otherwise fewer typos in this one.

Some kind of notation mainly used in the US. They haven't heard of ISO 8601 there.
But with all their feet, gallons, miles and fahrenheits, they have worse things to be ashamed of

I'm on a roll, though perhaps I should quality check a bit more? Probably. Those last chapters had more typos than the others. I have to admit that all those names are confusing me. "Say, Hakamichi-chan, you've been at Yamaku for about a week now... But it seems I'm not the only one ^^° It's a bit ...

I'm going to have to disagree that the comma before the 'and' is mandatory. Without the phrase 'as soon as it's gone', the sentence reads: You get one piece-of-garbage heart and it’s game over. A comma before 'and' does not improve the sentence, so it shouldn't be there in the first place. I'll acc...

The last YT playthrough I watched (well for about 45 seconds) had the "author" read out all the dialogue... While I sometimes enjoy watching Let's Plays, and some people manage to add a whole new layer of entertainment with their comments, watching a read out a visual novel on youtube might just be ...

While the part where Hanako follows Hisao to his dorm really is a bit hard to swallow, I realize that this is just a vehicle so she can listen in on that conversation.
And that part of the story is very nicely done.

Hm… I'd suggest "heart, and as soon as it's gone, it's game over" or "heart and, as soon as it's gone, it's game over". I'm not sure, though. The comme before "and" is mandatory. The ones around "as soon as it's gone" are optional, but I'd leave them out or use dashes instead... probably leave them...

i keep on painting her in different lights because she's so versatile. i'll try and make her more miki-like next time. "Miki-like" is a relative thing... We only have one scene of Miki in the VN. All characterization beyond that is only by some other Fanfiction authors whose opinion is no better th...

Recommendation: Stick to one route.
If you're done with that and still want to continue you can write a second one.

Oooh, a cliffhanger! That's going to make waiting for the next chapter harder... Very nice scene with Hanako. Usually I'd count being able to handle a situation like this without complications as a sign for "Mary Sue", but you managed to make it believable. And this time Emi is going to have to face...

I agree about the script format: Don't do it. Also, try not to lift all the dialogue verbatim from the story. I don't need to read a story where all that changes from the VN is the names and the pronouns. I can do that by rereading the VN and doing the substitutions in my head. If you just want to t...

Thank you. You put in words better than I ever could what bugged me about Suzu's character here.