Katawa Shoujo Forums

“Dark skinned, one hand, runs track,” when it becomes obvious from my expression that I'm still clueless, she continues. “Let's just say she's not my favorite person in the world...

Finally!

“Summers?” Time Warp chimes in.

But... But... He still has two eyes...

One is AE the other is BE - don't ask me about the whys, though. I'm no anglicist^^°

Seems I missed a few things - even mixed up tenses^^° That's what I get for commenting in a hurry just before leaving for work... A few of the things Blasphemy mentioned are really just a matter of style and preference, though: - "focusing" is okay in that sentence (even "focussing" would be) :-) It...

Nice side story.
Molly having a crush on Yuuto is an interesting turn of events. It wasn't really obvious from his perspective.
Let's see where this goes...

if I recall correctly - when Lilly tells Hisao she's going to Scotland she seems pretty damn set, like you can tell she's just mulled everything over and she's decided, y'know? And I remember thinking that she must have truly considered everything, and that's she's just decided to leave Hisao, for ...

Ah, a fresh story concept, an intersting OC and a well written story.
I like it.
Except for an additional "as" in the third sentence I didn't notice any mistakes either.


Oh, and welcome to the forums!

No, I won't do a wordcount until a story is completely finished.
(and for stories with a lot of chapters it would be nice if the author could send it in...)

With your posting schedule you can safely assume that any delay caused by you deciding on the name of a minor side character will be insignificant.

Nice chapter.
You know I'll always take quality over quantity.

It was a choice of was or were, and the latter didn't make that part sound right. It would have made it correct , though. Yuki has two sisters, and that first part you quoted was when he was talking to the youngest who is around six at that moment in time so she wouldn't have been born until after ...

What use is the first scene except for showing off how great your OC is again? I didn't think the my parents would send her here. I mean, I know that she has had some problems with her high school entrance exams but I didn't think that it was bad enough for my parents to consider sending her here. R...

Still, I think my main idea as for why Lilly did what she did is pretty possible. And would make MUCH more sense than going "NEVER LEAVE ME!!" then leaving herself for no good reason like everyone seems to believe.

Possibly.
Whether this qualifies as a good reason is still arguable, though.

Are you saying that if I spent the school festival in Lilly's company instead of Hanako's, someone secretly replaced Hanako with another Hanako for Lilly's route? Surely that's absurd. Different writers for different routes might result in somewhat different portrayals, but they should still be par...

You know he hasn't used the toilet once since the start of the story...
Sometimes it's okay to leave such details out when writing a story.

Yes, there already is another fic by that name. Not really a problem, though... Not much to say about the story yet, so just "grammar and lexical errors" for now: ‘Like Yukko and Mutou….’ Her name is Yuuko. I made me feel at peace. I guess there's a "T" missing there. My heart had begun to beat a li...