Katawa Shoujo Forums

Okay... First of all, Hisao as in the VN is kind of a blank sheet, depending on where you put the divergence point from the original. You, however, decided to start your story at the end of another fanfiction. By this time a character for Hisao has been pretty much established, and it does not fit t...

Your assumption is baseless and an unprovoked assault on my personal poetic style. It wasn't, really... There are more or less objective criteria that appear time and again in trivial literature (or dime novels). These are - among others - an overabundance of adjectives and excessively flowery meta...

I think Hanako speaking to a complete stranger like that shows how much shes progressed into becoming a stronger person.

Her playing pool against strangers for money on a regular basis shows that she's become a totally different person...

You know, if you asked me who had a better chance of tearing that Predator a new one - Kenji of Jigoro - my bets would be on Jigoro every day.

He, I wanted to post the exact link bhtooefr did ^^ Basically I agree with everything he said, and 600.000$ for four months of hospital stay (that would be 5.000$ PER DAY) is frankly ridiculous for any country. Tuition can't be too high either, since Hanako is able to afford it. As for it being ille...

So, this obviously didn't hit the mark for your reading style. Sorry. The "no idea about the character's current situation" was intentionally done to reflect Hisao's own discomfort when he first arrived at Yamaku. I hope you don't take my post to mean that your story was bad. As you noted it was no...

When I started reading, I wanted to ask you why the heck you would start a story with a dream sequence. Dream sequences can be used to give a bit more insights into a character's subconscious, but at the start of a story you have no idea about that character's current situation, no way to interpret ...

A few homophone problems:

I finish up the muffin now, as I savior the feeling of enjoyment.

I think you meant "savour".

I guess I won't eat that than.

then

He's starting really hard at his watch.

A case of autocorrectitis?
A lot better than scene two, though.

Didn't want to create a new thread, but this one seems fitting...
http://www.cracked.com/article_20653_5- ... onger.html

In my opinion there is no such thing as "established fanon." Those words are mutually exclusive. In my story (Tripping - find link in my sig) I named the character Takumi Mori. Don't bother to try to adapt your story though, because in mine he's secretly in love with Rin... Doesn't seem to fit what ...

every minute I wasn't otherwise preoccupied

You know, that describes pretty much everything I do^^°

That would be "Living" for easier reference.

And that's why I didn't want to include ongoing fics directly after they appear: Too much is still subject to change.

I assume you had Lilly talk like she's from a dime novel intentionally?
I have no idea why, though. It makes her sound incredibly OOC^^°
Kinda ruined the story for me.

“Sorry,” I called over my shoulder, more from nerves than anything, “but, I gotta take this...”

Best. Line. Ever. In this chapter.
(I try to avoid exaggeration whenever possible.)

inthewind wrote:... but Nathan Summers DOES have an eyepatch!

The Summers family is WAY too expansive to keep track of. I'm sure that among the lot of them and several universes they could account for almost any combinations of missing limbs^^°
As a casual fan I was talking about Scott.