Katawa Shoujo Forums

Only minor nitpick is the time-skip. That one could use some visual pointing out. You're talking about the one from the end of the conversation with Yoshi to the next morning, I presume. Yeah, I couldn't come up with something to fill in that was satisfying to me, so I thought it was reasonable to ...

My first thought was that another safety net was unfolding for Hanako - especially since in this chapter he seemed to be leaning towards Emi pretty obviously - but the thing about the students was a nice catch...
Only minor nitpick is the time-skip. That one could use some visual pointing out.

The second one needs to lose some blanks. If she's forgotten her line, she should at least stay in character

And that is a good thing! First of all, her character in Scissorlips's story is not canon, so if any author wants to write a Suzu story how they picture her theat's perfectly fine. Secondly, let's be honest, Suzu's character in that route had problems, both with the way her narcolepsy was depicted a...

And, though the epiphany I had on Saturday—and the resolution that accompanied it—are already well on their way to wearing out their welcome, they’ve still affected the way I approach a situation that I’m otherwise familiar with. Those em dashes might work better as commas. Commas? There's absolute...

Prior to the release of the game, though, Suzu had oodles of fanart and a lot of appearances in the early fanfic, so there was a wealth of NON-canon material with which one could have drawn inspiration. Before the game was even released, I could have told you a clear picture of what I thought Suzu ...

I'm not quite sure why the lack of Miki should be explained^^°
The story is also lacking in Ritsu, Naomi, Ikuno and most others of class 3-3. Why should they all be present for lunch?

In personal opinion, it doesn't matter. :/ Though, maybe I should have specified? :/ Well, "his" is a pronoun . That usually means that there usually is a noun it is substituted for . Ideally that nound should have been mentioned at least once before^^° Is this bad or good? :D Ahah, I'm not going t...

She reaches up and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, wrapping her arm around me as we follow Misha... This doesn't seem to be the same relationship I remember from the VN :-) It’s our first Christmas together, ... but the one that catches my eye is our graduation photo. If it's their first Christ...

I'll add it to my list of edits. First time I've heard that. It's really easy, if you just drop the other people and see what is left: Lilly and I jump. -> I jump. -> OK Lilly and me jump. -> Me jump. -> Not OK Shizune makes Lilly and I jump. -> Shizune makes I jump. -> Not OK Shizune makes Lilly a...

I remember getting reamed in English class if I ever used the phrase "someone else and me ," always being told that the proper phrasing was "someone else and I " Actually it depends on the context. If "someone else and me" is not the subject but the object of a sentence then it is correct. Lilly, M...

The loud clung-clung makes Lilly, Misha, and I visibly jump. Lilly, Misha , and me it's drawn something out of me I lost the last few months Not really a mistake - just an odd choice of words: If he lost it, wouldn't it be better to say "It's given something back to me"? You can't draw out somethin...

sixty eight hundred thousand feet below the rippling grains of the American Midwest. Apart from not being a normal number this would be well within the earth's mantle^^° [I'm a high-school student! I won't stand for this-this draft!] I know you're not really going for writing in character here, but...

The nub on the end of his arm flailing through the air Who is "he"? He laughs lightly whilst he speaks It's been sometime since I've seen that word used by someone other than Shakespeare. Until this line I had no idea that a canteen was anything other than something to drink out of. Temporarily con...

And sorry about that habit, I have issues paragraphing sometimes. My English teachers have always gotten on me about that. Easy to fix: Get an editor. I was trying to also get across a feeling of "lolwutidefkwutisgoingonm8" Well, you could say you achieved that. I'd rather say you went WAY overboar...