Katawa Shoujo Forums

Lilly can't man the bridge due to her blindness, and Hisao needs to oversee the opening of the pod. Since he didn't detect any other nearby ships, and cloaking doesn't exist, Hisao accepted the risk. So Lilly and Hisao are the only crewmembers on that ship? That would have been information way more...

Two things: First, why is no one on the bridge when there is an enemy vessel nearby? Second... This is mostly my personal opinion, but those database entries interrupt the reading process and pull you out of the story. In this chapter they were at the end, which is marginally better, but you could j...

Damn, I seem to have been sloppy, missing three mistakes^^°
Sorry, I promise to be more thorough next time.

That is not the dialogue of a girl younger than ten years - not even during a zombie apokalypse...

This is why I hate zombie stories: People feel compelled to write the most illogical scenes simply for the shock value

The writing is not bad, but...
So far I see almost no connection to Katawa Shoujo, and the scenario does not really lend itself to a depiction of disabilities that should be no problem to fix with such advanced technology.

If you name your character Dark Moonfield, everybody is going to laugh at you. Everyone. However, Kira Tsukino isn't even going to raise an eyebrow, and it's translates into pretty close to the same thing. And if you don't speak Japanese, there are a few threads here for questions about that langua...

Where to start... Actually, what Oddball said is a good place: The complete lack of any punctuation makes this nigh unreadable. If you go beyond that - and I only went beyond that because it is a short chapter - your dialogue is sorely lacking in descriptions. You just fire one line after another. I...

I'm with Brythain on this: It's possible that Emi ran over Kenji once, but Kenji is NOT a reliably source when it comes to the girls and if anything serious had happened earlier there would have been repercussions, and despite her happy go lucky nature/front I doubt she would not be more careful aft...

Should be standardized for most entries I submitted, but the more different people submit stuff the harder it becomes to keep up standardization... Thanks for the input!

Well, I would always use "..., am I not" because if you take "aren't I" out of a question and flip it around, it becomes "I aren't" and that just sounds wrong.
Paradoxically, though, in my experience it is those with the most distinguished Oxford accent who use "aren't I" most often.

I also prefer stories I don't know the ending of after the first chapter. In that sense I like MTB a lot, because I still don't know how it's going to end. And to me the title wasn't a giveaway, since I wasn't familiar with that technical term - and I doubt I would have gotten the reference if I had...

Nice chapter. Your Hideaki is a bit different than the one we're used to, but I like him. I don't get the quote, though... Avatar? A few minor things: Lynda once again found herself beginning to dose off. "doze" Before she ended up completely giving into sleep,... "in to" “But why aren’t I ready?” I...

Narcolepsy: Find work-arounds, and death is still a threat. Every. Single. Day. The Suzu Pseudo-route shows this pretty well. No. The Suzu Pseudo-Route shows a highly unrealistic version of Narcolepsy that is about as close to an accurate depiction of the disorder as we are from world peace. For de...

YutoTheOrc wrote:

Yoyofatboy wrote: Standing upright somewhat

Standing somewhat upright

Quote the whole thing and it makes sense again: "Standing upright somewhat gracelessly..."

The first couple of pages of responses before the OP disappeared have a distinct lascivious undertone, like a chatlog on a camgirl website. "Ooh, do this! Ooh, do that! Oh, where'd she go?" It's there, it's pretty obvious, and the discomfort I felt from reading through it was genuine . I don't care...