Katawa Shoujo Forums

While I agree with forgetmenot, one thing I found more jarring was you switching between narrative modes: You start with a scene from Hisao's point of view in first person perspective. Then you switch to a few scenes from Iwanako's pov with third person perspective. The final scene is from Iwanako's...

I don't think any H-scene could be anything BUT gratuitious at this point... Great chapter again, except for the part with Meiko - Emi's outburst to be exact - where I'm still not quite sure what your intention was or where it was supposed to be going or what exactly Emi thought she could have done ...

Whilst the door is shut I did a bit of research on this "whilst" of yours... Apparently it really is sometimes used by some British, but mostly if they want to sound posh or well educated. (This might explain why you've heard it from English teachers.) So in the context of KS-fiction Lilly is proba...

It took Hisao and I a few minutes

Hisao and me

No other complaints - I don't know enough about making Molotov cocktails to judge you in that department

“Of course,” I say. “He needs something like black, or grey, or red. Powerful colors. If someone finds him, I at least want them to be impressed. Maybe I'll get into less trouble.” My words, spoken proudly, are punctuated by the loud splattering of very fat water droplets practically streaming off ...

I'll have to remember that new grammatical factoid for later. Grammar has always been a contentious thing for me, understood just well enough to 'get by' without a true comprehension of most of the inner workings. I'll admit that I've always considered ellipsis to denote something of a 'pause beyon...

Okay a few minor things and some immersion breakers: - We seem to have a character with multiple disabilities again. Deaf, lost a leg and whatever it is with his hair. Try not to overdo it. - As far as I know a legplate is made specifically for running, not for a casual walk around the house. Not ev...

It's good that the VN doesn't require WiFi then

You're probably right in that I didn't let anyone read the story until it was completely finished, but I did have someone who's usually very particular about spelling/grammar have a look at it, so I'm sincerely curious about the various typos you ran into that we both ended up missing. I'm not sayi...

I agree with forgetmenot.
This would be a good start to a new route, but as a one-shot it doesn't really work - except if you want to use the character in your other fic, but I don't think she would fit in there either.

That wasn't menat to be a complaint about the update schedule. I just wanted to express my doubt that having a choice point in the story will work any better than in any of the few dozen stories that tried it before...

I can only think of one fic off the top of my head in which it happens

If it's not "Constant Companion" I suggest you look that one up.

About this piece here... Is it a one-shot or the start of something longer?

Hmm... I read up the plot summary when I edited this chapter... It's basically A murders B in a House. Ghost of B kills A. C comes into the house and is murdered by one of the ghosts. Phones D beforehand D comes into the house looking for C and is murdered by one of the ghosts. Phones E beforehand. ...

Any policy against monologuing is a sound policy.

TheTealeaf wrote:...part of me wonders if you've got a full route lurking around in your noggin!

Well, this is supposed to be part of the original Hanako route, so...