Katawa Shoujo Forums

Ah, so you decided to make this more than a one-shot - glad to see it.
Cpts two and three are quite good; characters are interesting and the language is good as well.

A few grammar mistakes here and there but nothing major.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Well collecting suggestions and choosing titles is not that much work - I could do that if noone else wants to - but any successor won't be able to edit the OP.

In that case it should be after the first year not after the first term.
Third term goes until end of March and the new school year begins in April.

She does that a lot when she’s talking to Kotaru, Ai and I (Author note: Sorry, but that is a really odd part to read out loud; Ai and I. God that must get confusing at some point.) when we wake up. That's probably because it's wrong. Should be: "to Kotaru, Ai and me" Another thing that happens qui...

There are even three "intil"s in the text. :-) Not many mistakes besides that though - I think there was a word missing somewhere but I can't find the line again^^° Oh, there it is: It is well known for the fact that [it] caters to students with disabilities. We don't learn much about your character...

No, we ran out of Sea.

Yes, this version is definitely a lot better than the previous one.
No major complaints about grammar and not much to say about the story yet - the chapter wasn't really long - other than it's nice reading a prequel… those are kind of rare.
Any reason for the changing colours?

About the hook part I heard about various cases in my country where they gave the patients these blunt hook prosthesis. Well yes it IS an option, but would they fit one to his arm before he even gained consciousness? For one thing to fit a prosthetic the wound has to have healed and for another he ...

HoneyBakedHam wrote:2) A scenario where Snoozu hates Miki? Talk about twists!

Yeah. Since the chapter where this was mentioned was up in 2013 I didn't remember that either.

Okay, the biggest problem is grammar, so I suggest getting a proofreader. I also agree it is rushed. For example when Maya arrives the don't even greet each other. He wants to skip right to the confession and she goes right to asking about the smell^^° As for formatting, if this is better than befor...

Well, the first part opened some interesting plotlines (the rumoured layoffs, Hisao's declining health etc.) and hinted at additional characters (Naomi, those "other friends" se mentions). After that part I noticed that this was already half the story and I wondered how you would resolve all of them...

Well, in the VN all interior monologue is by Hisao so Misha's spoken lines make up for probably less than 10% of the text (too lazy to check my files right now).
Here her lines and thoughts make up probably more than 90% (again too lazy to check), so it probably is a density issue…

Cromulent is a perfectly cromulent word. (It is a Simpsons reference, and it's a neologism coined by The Simpsons. Wiktionary has a passable definition: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cromulent) Yes, I found that as well - I still don't see any connection between the word and its proposed meaning. ...

You know I always thought of the ~ as a way to signify Misha's overly "genki" behaviour, her almost unnatural happiness. That's why seeing it interior monologue - especially when she is in a sombre mood like here: For a long while, the two of us sit there silently. I should probably~ get back to the...

Still seems strange to me that she would be mad at Hisao when she would have any reason to bitchslap Iwanako…
Why the spoilertags?