Katawa Shoujo Forums

transient wonders wrote:Other than that insanity, how was the rest? I'm curious about what I should keep and what I should burn should I ever actually work on the chaptered story.

Well, the parts about the last week were okay, I guess.

Just a few typos:

I walk passed the boys dormitories

past

“I wanted to, but if your using the track…”

You're

“Its okay, tracks kinda big ya’ know,”

track's

Otherwise the chapter's fine as is Emi's character.

I don't think you can be that distracted by the colour black for several days^^°

The human brain is a wonderful thing and it is able to adapt quickly. Lilly might have to learn to recognize shapes to tell what is in front of her with her eyes, but any more is stretching my credulty.

Naomi glared at me with such hatred that I jumped a step back, "Don't try to hide your sexuality! I know you think your differences are something to be ashamed of but they aren't! You need to cherish them like the wonders they are! I know you're kinda socially awkward but I thought we really had so...

Well, yes, I can see how se would be distraught at suddenly being helpless. What I take issue with is the extent to which she is shown to be helpless. If sight is really affecting her that much, all she has to do is keep her eyes closed or wear a blindfold, and she'll be back to the status quo ante....

Very nice chapter.
Both the scene with Doctor Ueda and the one with Ikuno.

The doctor using the word "identify" is a bit ominous...

No Mirage in that list? Damn, that's harsh. Well, I didn't actually write all that much myself - at least not compared to the epics of some of the authors listed there, so I'm not sure I really should be on that list... I'm wondering about Helbereth, though... @Blankmage: You know I'm always a suck...

"Your right about that one." "You're" , at some point Takashi sat down next to me. "sits" Considering the length of this chapter just these two minor issues is quite impressive :-) The chapter itself was very good, both dialogue and pacing - though I'd question the wisdom of spending hours to searc...

Yes, well written, but also predictable and quite depressing, so not really my cup of tea.

I looked it up.
The dictionary says "asterisks"

Ah, okay, seems I was confused by your OC saying Hisao had been there for three days. Maybe he was counting only full days...

Molly doesn't get enough love on these forums. Nice to see a story with her as the MC. Main criticism is that I would use something visual to indicate a time-skip, like an ellipses or something. Besides that, nice work here *tips hat* please continue. Ah, I knew there was something else I wanted to...

After hearing it for a little while, Misha changes her tone to differentiate Shizune’s communication and her own. When she speaks for Shizune, it becomes less bubbly and each word becomes less of her own word and more of just the word in general. She puts none of her own bombastic enthusiasm behind...

Your proofreader has massively improved the legibility of this story. A few of the leftover issues: all I need is for him is to lead me to the school. A bit of copy-pasta, and: “If your offering Mister Ryouta,” ... your boarding here right?” ... Kimura are you sure your one hundred percent dedicated...

A few things regarding continuity. This is supposed to be Wednesday, right? While Hisao has his Run-in with Emi on Wednesday, he doesn't go running with her until Thursday morning and the banner painting session is Thursday evening. This could be fixed easily by moving this scene forward to Thursday...