Katawa Shoujo Forums

Good writing.
Nice chemistry between your characters, too and interesting dialogue.

You might be surprised how common thrown-in English phrases are in Japan, but it doesn't detract from the story to pretend otherwise.

This is important If it is important, put it in the text. Musical cues can supplement a story for those who are into that kind of thing, but if the story is relying on them it's lazy writing. So you decided out of the blue to make your OC a virtuoso pianist... Why? Just so you had an excuse to make...

Hanamoto acts kinda strange - even for her and considering she's supposed to be sober this time... I turn and hobble after the poker dotted girl What's that supposed to be? The poker dotted girl spins on heel Google suggests Polka dots . Is that what you mean? If so you should mention her clothing s...

“...You’re overdue total comes to…“ Yuuko writes a few numbers down, handing me the slip. Yamaku's library has overdue charges ? For students with amnesia ? That could be called exploitative... There seems to be a slight contradiction, since they didn't manage to carry all the books in the beginnin...

Would it be bad if I mentioned I haven't entirely decided on his reasoning yet? I tried to write it one way, and then I tried to write it the other and it just didn't come out the way I wanted it to. :( No. It will only become bad, if you something you write will become illogical due to your changi...

Also, didnt Emi suggest a picnic in her route? Uh, yes, but that was during her route which ends towards the end of July - and the picknick is two weeks after the festival which would put it towards the end of the rainy season in Japan: warm but with a risk of rain - like depicted in the VN. You de...

I choose out an empty table

Is your native language bychance German?

He/she is a great artist One of the main Katawa shoujo ones I believe.

SHE is Hanako's character artist and drew most of the CGs in that route as well.

Boy, is Hisao a needy bastard... The only place I haven’t looked is the town. Why she’d be there, I can’t say, but there’s nowhere else to look. Actually he didn't check anywhere but her room. Not the library, not the tea room - he jogged to the dorms as soon as classes were out. And how does he exp...

And I finally caught on to what you mean by "SPaG" ...

It's more aour use of pronouns:
The way you wrote it, Hanako asked Son-Hee if Son Hee's scars bothered Hanako, and Son-Hee told Hanako that Son-Hee's scars don't bother Hanako.

You can leave the "that" out if you want.

She asked me if my scars bothered her, and I told her they didn’t.

Something's not right there.
Everything else is very good as usual.

I continue to enjoy the heck out of this story

I can't really say if your depiction of rehab is realistic, but I can say it feels that way.

One of the reasons for the lack of coffee is that, in spite of the lots of Starbucks, coffee in convenience stores is somehow a recent phenomenon in Japan, in spite of the fact that such stores there carry practically everything else. xD It's probably the other way around: If there were a demand fo...

Well first of all, you don't have to guess about Hisao's thoughts - you can decide his reasoning.

But I'm glad that you don't intend to go for cheap drama by handing Hisao some idiot ball

I agree about the writing - The beginning of the second section stay in past tense a bit too long but otherwise no glaring mistakes. A few notes about the actual story: As a minor thing, Mutou is teaching science, not economics. Is economics taught in High school anyway? A few other things don't see...