Katawa Shoujo Forums

For this chapter to work, the reader has to believe three things. 1. The viability of Shizune x Misha 2. Jigoro being a significant enough reason for Shizune not to do something she wants. 3. That Hisao and Lilly at least like each other enough to tipsily make out and worry about the details later....

Love the third one

what happened between Shizune and I "Shizune and me" I finished my glass of wine, and poured myself a second. Lilly all but grabbed the bottle from my hands when I was done, and poured herself a third. She looked physically uncomfortable, as if she wished she could crawl out of her own skin. For so...

Please forgive me, sempai senpai* Those are the same thing. :) [LINK] I've had three or four Japanese teachers now, and so far all of them used what wikipedia describes as "Modified Hepburn" i.e. using the letter "N" no matter what consonant follows. Also all textbooks I've used so far. Modified ha...

leaving Hanako and I behind in the store. ... and if she is jealous of Hanako and I ... and how she feels about Hanako and I. Hanako and me - in all three cases How do I get someone who doesn't want to see me to talk to me? It's not that she doesn't want to see him... And really... Miki? That rumou...

Hey, welcome to the forums! First of all: Good start. I agree with brythain's assessment that your writing has a musical feeling to it. I was trying to put my finger on it, but that's pretty much it... It's not bad mostly, but at times it feels unneccessarily cumbersome, like here: ...to say that Ya...

“I liked the main character’s attitude. Just a minor thing, but when talking about a book we both read with someone, I'd always use the character's name. “Ah, here it is: ‘I'll think of something. Or die.’” I don't know, book seven of the trilogy is probably not a good place to start ^^° especially...

Okay, part one and part two of this chapter weren't half bad, but the third part... I know I said your story was lacking potential for conflict, but inserting random drama is not the way to fix that. It would be one thing if Hisao had made some major faux-pas - though I don't like hadning people idi...

Caugth a few in addition to those swampie already got: I move away from my desk and lay down on my bed. ... I lay on my side. Should both be present tense like the rest of the story. . . . An ellipsis doesn't have blanks in between - or before for that matter. Dark clouds hang thick above Should be ...

Finally! A Rika route with a likeable Rika!

And given Sharp-O's previous stories the problem is less whether he'll finish it but more whether he'll be able to stop

The quire of irritated voices confirm my suspicions. This one took me a few seconds to figure out. I think the word you were going for is "choir" :-) Not sure I got all references in there; for example I'm not sure what Sdiir Farsnow is referring to. Finally: Sorry Kenji. Is K supposed to be Kenji?...

Well, it is an improvement over the last chapter. In fact most of the grammar is actually not bad at all - except for verb forms. Tenses, Singular and Plural, 3rd person S or Gerund are all over the place, but if you get that under control it will be a huge improvement. And verb forms are MUCH easie...

Duh, I'll go stand in a corner, okay?

I have no idea what I was thinking when I typed that... Probably nothing at all...

I don't normally correct "regular" forum posts, but since this is pertinent to the current discussion and since brythain didn't mention it: I truly do not intend to condescend. I think I have a few problems with reading your material. Here are the two main ones: 1) You don't use contractions with ap...

A bit, but most of that is style rather than spelling or grammar, and I don't usually cover that, since it goes a bit beyond "editing" into "rewriting" territory. As for spelling I think there were a few missing apostrophes in the beginning and one or two "I"-"me" mixups. I'm a bit short on time tod...