Katawa Shoujo Forums

Totally agree with you, Mirage. Make an index in your first post. Let later chapters fall where they may.

Was Brogurt the first one to reserve posts? Let's blame him.

NOTE: Before someone mentions how Lilly leaves for Iverness in the cannon, since it looks like Hisao has taken the Hanako good path, don't worry I have an explanation for that later in the story. Dude, it's your story. You're already off canon, so don't worry about it. And if Lilly left for Inverne...

I was thinking your title is more appropriate for a horror story than slice-of-life, so I knew to expect some kind of twist. And what a twist.

Zealot wrote:Keep writing, there really needs to be more of this.

While this is a nice piece for a story written before the full release, I don't think you can expect more from a thread nearly three years dead.

That was very well done. I've been told I'm a good judge of these things, so please take that as high praise.

There were some errors that my editing mind took note of, which always slightly breaks the mood for me. None were so humorous as this one:

I feel Lilly quack and moan in response.

Adding Miki makes anything better.

Hey, there wouldn't be complaining if there wasn't stuff we liked. There's a big difference between 'I think this part is bad' and 'I think the whole thing sucks'. My single favorite part was Rin taking out Bushwacker. Like any creative endeavor, you get better with practice. I've heard about the ar...

TheEternalSage wrote:Can someone please remind me which tracks are the cutscene ones? I can't work it out >.<

Cloudland Swing is Rin's
Three Stars is Shizune's
Teatime, Fast Forward is Lilly's
2x400m Relay is Emi's
Jitter is Hanako's

“Happy Birthday, sweetie.” Lilly said, planting a kiss on Hisao's neck. “Thank you,” Hisao responded and smiled, hugging his girlfriend, “Can't believe I'm twenty-two, huh?” “Four years has certainly flown by. You're more wonderful each day.” “Aw thanks.” Hisao's neck? Really? And I didn't think pe...

What about Hanako? No matter how badly she gets hurt, her body is going to regrown the scar tissue back. That can't be an easy thing for her to take. It might not even be something she's started to think about, but suppose she gets really hurt and watches her good skin regrow. Once she gets the ner...

Good job showing the descent into inebriation.

BTW, it's spelled 'Champagne'. The real stuff is always capitalized. 'Champaign' is a level, open field or plain, with the obsolete meaning of battlefield. TMYK

Coincidentally, Urban Dictionary's definition of the day is classy smashed.

Could you give me some pointers? What should I work on? What are my strong points? It's a lot of little things. Poor punctuation, incorrect capitalization, and some cringe-worthy dialogue. The other major comment I have is about Shizune and Lilly's relationship. Your story takes place after Lilly's...

“No problem. The X-men were actually formed by Charles Xavier, who couldn't particulate in missions due to being paraplegic.” Pretty sure you mean participate… Though, given the existence of superpowers in this, the mental image this gives me is interesting. Hows that for a cliffhanger? What do you...

Fapable? Really? I think that's the first review I've seen that said that.

And I'm pretty sure an attempt to add voices would be against the license.

Otherwise, good review.

*baleated*