Katawa Shoujo Forums

You have demonstrated improvement over your first story here. Please take the comments here to heart, and keep improving. Grammar, spelling, tenses, etc. are all important, even if you're doing a timed writing exercise. My major issue with your take on the characters is that they are not at all supp...

I am in no way a fan of the Kenji/Yuuko pairing, but I recognize quality writing. Well done.

Damn. All these feels. Nicely done.

Xaverius wrote:This is excellent, can the author give us an idea of when the next update will be?

Please, no requesting.

Do you know much about the musical or the film based on it? The Phantom is presented as a romantic character, mistreated and wronged by society who'll go to any lengths to be with the woman he loves. To any lengths? True. He kidnaps her, drops a chandelier into the audience of the opera, and blackm...

Thank you!

neio wrote:

Finally, he turns to look at me and I see an empty man.

Add a comma before the "and."

This is the first time I don't see the reason for the correction you've given.

neio wrote:I'm actually more concerned about the mute people laughing, really

Ah. Well, I suppose she can bust out laughing without making sound. Doesn't she cover her mouth when laughing in the VN?

neio wrote:

“Thank you ma'am, may I have another!” he yells, causing everyone in the room to bust out laughing – even Amaya.

Even Shizune?

Because Misha is just that fast in translating!

Disclaimer: I don't remember the scene well enough to know if Misha was there, and I didn't check.

DanjaDoom wrote:I need to start up on this story again, huh?

While I'm sure we wouldn't mind if you did, that's entirely up to you, isn't it?

neio wrote:Consider it a compliment. I normally don't get that in-depth with fanfics here because there are more egregious errors to be dealt with or there are simply too many of them.

When I get around to posting my next story, I hope you treat me the same way.

I guess you have a point there. Oh well. Its obvious shes not very knowledgeable about such things since there was no mention of 'protection' during her first time with Hisao. Actually though it would be rather cute and funny if later in Hanako's story, Lilly were the one who did the "You are using...

Here are things you should never use in a story where you are trying to convey romance and sex: 'grit', 'crotch', 'violent', 'parchment', 'slug', 'malevolent', and the phrase 'kneading a[ sic ] dough' when referring to breasts -Funny, cause it seems like we have a different definition for erotica h...

I finally broke down and read your story. Ugh. Here are things you should never use in a story where you are trying to convey romance and sex: 'grit', 'crotch', 'violent', 'parchment', 'slug', 'malevolent', and the phrase 'kneading a[ sic ] dough' when referring to breasts. Also, there is no need to...

I'd suggest you read the previous one  again. I don't understand. I feel like there's an inside joke here and I'm not privy to it. Also not a big fan of analyzing works when they continually scream rape in my face. Although if it had a different ending I would have accepted that. EDIT: Yep not seei...