Search found 49 matches

by sloth4
Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:18 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Odd Friendship: A Hanako and Rin Route
Replies: 50
Views: 4857

Re: Odd Friendship: A Hanako and Rin Route

Carrie. The shout-out is to Carrie. NOW GIMME A COOKIE! I'll be interested to see how you present things from Rin's PoV in the next chapter. ------ Hmm... We have now two stories about Hanako running at the same time, and in both Hanako seems to be missing her most defining character trait completel...
by sloth4
Tue Jul 17, 2018 9:25 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: An Unexpected Visitor
Replies: 8
Views: 1130

Re: An Unexpected Visitor

This was an enjoyable read.

I agree somewhat about Rin's blunt manner becoming caricature-like. Recall from the VN that Hisao had to offer her help to her vague "problem" several times before she admitted she needed a new tampon. She does have something resembling embarrassment.
by sloth4
Mon Jul 16, 2018 9:48 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako; Complete)
Replies: 138
Views: 17423

Re: An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako)

I agree with Mirage's point. The whole part with Miki felt jarring and out of place. I don't know that it's an issue or OOC necessarily, but something's off about it. Maybe the flow? Not sure. Little too 'in your face' maybe? A lot of my scenes are like that on the first draft and I have writer's bl...
by sloth4
Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:36 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Odd Friendship: A Hanako and Rin Route
Replies: 50
Views: 4857

Re: Odd Friendship: A Hanako and Rin Route

Decided to re-write parts of Chapter 1 and 2 so I'm not blatantly ripping lines from the game. Good idea. Make it your own and really experiment with it. That's the part that makes these AUs fun, anything can happen (within reason). You might also consider having the relationship start off rocky. W...
by sloth4
Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:15 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Yuuko Pseudo-route: Can You Read Me?
Replies: 14
Views: 3440

Re: Yuuko Pseudo-route: Can You Read Me?

What I like about this, compared to other older women pseudo-routes... which is basically just Akira, is that there's nothing pathetic about Hisao. He hasn't failed anything, and appears to be spending time as a friend with all the girls. I suspect that's due to basically following the Hanako path i...
by sloth4
Thu Jul 12, 2018 9:02 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako; Complete)
Replies: 138
Views: 17423

Re: An Unusual Friendship (Misha x Hanako)

I like this a lot. And it's interesting to hear about Hisao's actions, but not actually see him. It's good to see Hanako growing on her own as a person and embracing a more open attitude, even if she's still hesitant and skittish.
by sloth4
Wed Jun 27, 2018 5:35 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Day In the Life
Replies: 14
Views: 1438

Re: A Day In the Life

I enjoyed it. It was short and sweet and engaging (which is cool given that cast is pure OCs, which I tend not to care about). Well done.
by sloth4
Wed May 23, 2018 11:15 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Ascent: An Emilogue (Erotic Content)
Replies: 91
Views: 29421

Re: Ascent: An Emilogue (Erotic Content)

I found this to be an enjoyable read. Was kinda slow in hooking me at the beginning, but once they were out and about on the mountain it became really engaging. And major kudos on the bad ending, it was real tearjerker.
by sloth4
Sun May 20, 2018 4:12 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: "Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (7/11)
Replies: 37
Views: 7045

Re: "Can you move past the past?" -- Updated (7/11)

I liked this a lot, which is saying something since almost everyone is an OC which is usually a major turn-off.
by sloth4
Wed May 16, 2018 12:55 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Within a Looking Glass – A Rika pseudo-route
Replies: 112
Views: 14144

Re: Within a Looking Glass – A Rika pseudo-route

Looking over the graves I muse when I see a familiar name. I wonder if that’s a relative of Emi’s. Anyways, not who we are looking for. That's a clever little shout-out. ------ I really enjoyed this and I'm glad you got to the end with it, extra kudos for doing it so quickly. It was the first non-n...
by sloth4
Fri May 04, 2018 10:04 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]
Replies: 1549
Views: 300821

Re: Developments (Post-Lilly NE) [Complete, 2015-08-11]

This was fantastic and I don’t think I give due credit in this review. The character development, the world-building, the sheer scale of this thing and how engaging each chapter was… a masterpiece. The ups and downs took me on an emotional rollercoaster that left me quite depressed (which is pretty ...
by sloth4
Wed May 02, 2018 10:35 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Butterflies and Ice Cream
Replies: 28
Views: 7920

Re: Butterflies and Ice Cream

I liked this a lot. I find Rin works best when it's her perspective and isn't a romance with Hisao. Though that might be because I've never really read a Rin/Hisao fic and found the Rin path to be... boring? Not sure if that's the right word, but she was odd. Maeda was interesting. Most fics paint h...
by sloth4
Wed May 02, 2018 8:47 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated 10/2/15]
Replies: 150
Views: 34342

Re: Universal Gravitation: An Aoi Pseudo-Route [Updated 10/2/15]

I really enjoyed this and I'm glad I found it while scouring the forum. I wonder if it's easier or harder to right a story about a character with no real backstory in canon, since it gives you so much freedom to do your own thing. Also, congrats on getting tapped to work on a VN, sounds pretty excit...
by sloth4
Mon Apr 30, 2018 3:41 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Can You Remember Me? An Amnesiac Story [Updated 10/26/15]
Replies: 157
Views: 34414

Re: Can You Remember Me? An Amnesiac Story [Updated 10/26/15]

This was really enjoyable and pretty much the only OC fic I've ever gotten into. I hope you pick it up again at some point, I'd really like to read more about Seiki's adventures.
by sloth4
Sun Apr 29, 2018 10:04 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Birthday Girls (One-Shot)
Replies: 5
Views: 1896

Re: Birthday Girls (One-Shot)

Very cute. And good on you for noticing the little details. :D