Search found 87 matches

by Zerebos
Tue May 02, 2017 4:59 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: People-Watching: A Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route
Replies: 51
Views: 12525

Re: People-Watching: A Naomi Inoue Pseudo-Route

Hey man, glad to see you're putting this on the forums! Always love your work!
by Zerebos
Wed Apr 12, 2017 11:05 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4

Another great chapter of course. I wonder how Hisao will show Natty how he feels.

As for the Mutou/high school debacle, I definitely had a teacher that was EXACTLY like that in high school.
by Zerebos
Tue Mar 28, 2017 9:59 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Flutter - Level Twenty One: Footsies [25/3/17]
Replies: 258
Views: 53857

Re: Flutter - Level Twenty One: Footsies [25/3/17]

“Didja miss me?” Absolutely, Sharp :wink: New Hisao Plus. Super Hisao II Turbo. Don’t ruin this tender moment by saying those out loud, Rika… She definitely should have said these out loud. :lol: Great chapter of course and welcome back Sharp! Hope everything is on the right track for you now! Also...
by Zerebos
Sun Mar 19, 2017 2:59 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 3

It's about damn time Hisao! For a second there I thought he wasn't going to confess in this chapter and I was really disappointed, but I'm happy to say I'm very wrong. Another great chapter, InSaiyan, perhaps my favorite thus far because it contains such an important plot point. Although it will be ...
by Zerebos
Sun Mar 19, 2017 2:39 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)
Replies: 1056
Views: 288041

Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/19)

By that I did not mean to suggest to write a fluff piece or something of the sort, but rather to write something short that sets things up for later as opposed to doing a crucial scene right now.
by Zerebos
Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:07 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)
Replies: 1056
Views: 288041

Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/19)

Hope you get all settled in Eurobeat! Definitely take care of that stuff first before writing.

As for the chapter go with what you feel, you have good instincts, although it may be easier to buy yourself some time to think ahead and just do another Yamaku chapter. Just a thought.
by Zerebos
Mon Mar 13, 2017 1:52 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 3

I take a nearby seat and scoot up to the table, turning to the girls beside of me before speaking up. I think that should be "to the girls beside me" or "to the girls to the side of me." But I'm no grammar nazi. :D I like this chapter a lot, I wonder what the conversation was actually about... anot...
by Zerebos
Fri Mar 10, 2017 7:34 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 3

Also, not even lbelling the door to the girls' locker room seems excessively lax *labelling :wink: Also, I think in the text InSaiyan mentions that Hisao does not check what is on the other side of the door, so it may be the pool or the locker room. I could have misread that though. Apparently I wa...
by Zerebos
Fri Mar 10, 2017 2:39 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 3

Nice chapter, short and sweet, although I can definitely see this setting up a few things for the future with Hisao.

Not to tread on Mirage's territory but there was a couple cases of mixed up tenses.
by Zerebos
Sun Mar 05, 2017 7:24 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 3

InSaiyan wrote:I wonder what she was about to say? Maybe it was nothing.
I'm right there with you, Hisao. InSaiyan is a cruel cruel man.

Another great chapter, the description of the dancing was done fairly well! Hopefully they'll get to talk more later in the day.
by Zerebos
Fri Mar 03, 2017 12:26 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 3

I like this chapter a lot! I feel like if Naomi wasn't third-wheeling they would have kissed... Dangit Naomi

One error:
InSaiyan wrote:The two are out of site now, leaving me alone in the courtyard with my thoughts.
Should be sight not site.
by Zerebos
Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:41 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hindsight (5 Epilogues - Complete)
Replies: 46
Views: 7376

Re: Hindsight (5 Epilogues - Complete)

I probably wouldn't have repeated all of Kenji's speech again. It's nice that it seems to provide a common feature for each arc - like Iwanako's letter does in the VN - but in the VN it is also not included in its entirety in each route. As it was I found myself skipping those paragraphs as soon as...
by Zerebos
Sat Feb 25, 2017 10:18 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 4/8)
Replies: 74
Views: 16509

Re: Teach Me To Dance - A Natsume Ooe Pseudo-Route(Updated 2

Two wonderful chapters of course but I'm a little confused about the part where they brushed cheeks. Was that supposed to be a hug or just her getting close to whisper that phrase?
by Zerebos
Tue Feb 21, 2017 11:54 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Petals in the Wind - A Miki Pseudo Route (Updated 05/21)
Replies: 14
Views: 4977

Re: Petals in the Wind - A Miki Pseudo Route (Updated 05/21)

This is really cool that you started it off from Hanako's bad end! It makes sense that Miki is the only one he would talk to as well considering he talked to her during Hanako's route. The writing was really good as well, great job Chaos!
by Zerebos
Tue Feb 21, 2017 7:10 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 5 Added 2-28-2016)
Replies: 33
Views: 9738

Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 5 Added 2-28-2

Jake Zero wrote:Someone has apparently not read Sisterhood.
I have but this one definitely has a different feel to it.