Search found 87 matches

by Zerebos
Thu Jun 22, 2017 2:23 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Fading Memories
Replies: 42
Views: 5362

Re: Fading Memories

I'm writing separate paths for each character. That's quite the ambitious project considering the number of characters you have here. It will also be quite difficult to post them and follow them properly here on the forum. Not sure how you plan on going about it, such as one character at a time or ...
by Zerebos
Thu Jun 22, 2017 2:09 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Out of Mind
Replies: 10
Views: 2479

Re: Out of Mind

I never read the original, but I see that you updated! You should have posted a reply so we knew! Based on what Req said the rewrite is definitely better. The flow is a little off in places but nothing significant. The inner dialogue has improved so have the interactions with Kaito not being the wis...
by Zerebos
Thu Jun 22, 2017 1:51 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Fading Memories
Replies: 42
Views: 5362

Re: Fading Memories

No worries, man. Intros can definitely be short, but this just felt a little shorter than what it should be. As for the character bios, I'll tell you what someone else will tell you: You shouldn't tell us about them, the story should tell us everything we need to know. That being said, your characte...
by Zerebos
Thu Jun 22, 2017 12:04 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Fading Memories
Replies: 42
Views: 5362

Re: Fading Memories

Is this the entire chapter? It's quite short. Very very short if I'm honest. I like the premise of the story it's interesting, but that's all I can say with this little information. As for the writing and such, there is a bit of work to be had. “No.” The silver haired boy spoke up. Since the non-dia...
by Zerebos
Sun Jun 18, 2017 4:17 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: The Akira-te Kid - An Akira Satou Fan Route
Replies: 35
Views: 9516

Re: The Akira-te Kid - An Akira Satou Fan Route

Love the latest updated Rigatoni! Your writing style is so pleasant and comical. Akira's personality seemed pretty spot-on to me. I also enjoyed their banter about fecal matter
by Zerebos
Thu Jun 15, 2017 10:46 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: From Tokyo To Mumbai
Replies: 13
Views: 3346

Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

If the title is supposed to be a hint, I would have to guess Molly... Not quite sure what to make of this yet, so I'll withhold further comment until there are more chapters. That's what I was hoping people would guess :cool: Hopefully there will be a bit more details for you to comment on next cha...
by Zerebos
Wed Jun 14, 2017 6:40 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Shower Scenes
Replies: 205
Views: 68373

Re: Shower Scenes

This is absolutely hysterical! Loved it!
by Zerebos
Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:18 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: From Tokyo To Mumbai
Replies: 13
Views: 3346

Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

As I look around this part of the building, I realize I don’t actually know where everything is. Almost everytime I come and go from this office I’m escorted into and out of it. The area I’m standing appears to be some sort of lounge. There’s an orange-brown leather couch with two matching chairs fa...
by Zerebos
Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:18 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: From Tokyo To Mumbai
Replies: 13
Views: 3346

Re: From Tokyo To Mumbai

Arc 1: Clearing The Fog Chapter 1: Waking Up I hear constant beeping, or is that just in my head? There are flashes of white all around me. I hear screams now, a girl’s voice. The beeping gets faster. More shouts, a man’s voice this time. My body goes stiff, I can’t move. The beeping turns into a c...
by Zerebos
Wed Jun 14, 2017 5:17 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: From Tokyo To Mumbai
Replies: 13
Views: 3346

From Tokyo To Mumbai

[Hopefully a spot for cover art someday!] Hello there, I'm Zerebos. You may know me from commenting on one of your fics—I've read a ton of them. But I figured it's my turn to actually write one! Disclaimer Just a quick disclaimer that I am an engineer with a very interesting background in writing a...
by Zerebos
Wed Jun 07, 2017 1:08 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Infinite Promises - A Lilly Epilogue [updated 6/8]
Replies: 51
Views: 11968

Re: Infinite Promises - A Lilly Epilogue [updated 6/4]

Another great section gibzx! There is way too much detail in the frist 95% of the scene to believably be explained as a dream. See the way I saw it was that the line between reality and the dream blurred so some of that build up is reality and at some point fades into dream. I think the way it's wri...
by Zerebos
Wed Jun 07, 2017 1:26 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: The Akira-te Kid - An Akira Satou Fan Route
Replies: 35
Views: 9516

Re: The Akira-te Kid - An Akira Satou Fan Route

This feels like a breath of fresh air here in the Renai. I really like the tone that's set in the writing. The Hisao in the beginning reminds me of the Hisao in my (unreleased) fic, it's kinda cool. "WELL, FEEL BETTER. OKAY?" "YOU TOO." You too? What is wrong with me? "MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU AT THE FEST...
by Zerebos
Fri Jun 02, 2017 12:30 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Infinite Promises - A Lilly Epilogue [updated 6/8]
Replies: 51
Views: 11968

Re: Infinite Promises - A Lilly Epilogue [updated 6/2]

Ahh!! This is the first time in a fic I've actually loved Hisao's parents, this is great! It's weird to see Lilly faltering, even if it is just in her dream. KS and many fics continue with the 'perfect and proper' shtick. This is a good change up from that. Also, so much art holy crap!! A cover piec...
by Zerebos
Fri May 19, 2017 11:06 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 1/12)
Replies: 1056
Views: 289080

Re: Learning To Fly - A Saki pseudo-route (Updated 5/18)

Another great chapter man. This one was really deep, our first time really getting a look at Saki's past and it definitely struck a chord with me. The description of everything surrounding her past was so accurate and vivid, just incredible work Eurobeat!
by Zerebos
Fri May 12, 2017 11:50 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Can You Accept Your Fate? - Saki Pseudo Route (Ch. 8, 15/02)
Replies: 75
Views: 23113

Re: Can You Accept Your Fate? - Saki Pseudo Route (Ch. 8, 15

Congratulations from one engineer to another! Enjoy the post-graduation celebrations!