Search found 75 matches

by CloudGrain
Sun Sep 28, 2014 6:14 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning the blues. Act 3: Scene 2 revives from the grave
Replies: 162
Views: 31703

Re: Learning the blues. Act 2 Scene 7 up!

Ahh... How reality always manages to strike so forcefully right at the moment someone seems to have it all. Very enjoyable, noticed a single instance where you misspelled Hisao's name (Hsiao) by what was probably just the usual ill-timed keystrokes, otherwise nothing came out and struck me as being ...
by CloudGrain
Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:58 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning the blues. Act 3: Scene 2 revives from the grave
Replies: 162
Views: 31703

Re: Learning the blues. Act 2 Scene 5 up!

Stellar. There's really not too much else I can say about it all; there are a very few mistakes here and there, a word or two left out once, an instance where 'all' has accidentally been replaced with 'al', the usual incredibly nitpicky stuff. But for the rate at which you're pumping out TRIPLE POST...
by CloudGrain
Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:13 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Like a Suit and Shoes (Short, Rin and Emi)
Replies: 1
Views: 623

Like a Suit and Shoes (Short, Rin and Emi)

Yamaku, or at least the staff in charge of dorm assignments for Yamaku, seemed to have had some sort of a strange meltdown when choosing dorms for their second-year students. Not only had Rin and Emi seemed like polar opposites because of their lacking only the limbs that the other had, but even a c...
by CloudGrain
Tue Sep 23, 2014 5:12 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Making A Suggestion [Hanako and Lilly, 'teaparty', Short]
Replies: 4
Views: 1278

Making A Suggestion [Hanako and Lilly, 'teaparty', Short]

I've taken a little bit of inspiration from some of the dialogue in Sisterhood:True Edition as well as the VN in this 'behind-the-scenes' short. Hope you enjoy. Tea between Lilly and Hanako had been almost the entire basis of their early friendship. It allowed Hanako something of an excuse for her s...
by CloudGrain
Mon Sep 22, 2014 7:14 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning the blues. Act 3: Scene 2 revives from the grave
Replies: 162
Views: 31703

Re: Learning the blues (HisaoxOC route) Act 2 Scene 3 up!

I'm sure that the feels will be appreciated; when they're ready. Can't be letting myself get too carried away with things I've found that I liked and have access to upon request... I'll tell you, the last time that happened I ended up with a pool nearly completely surrounded by empty jello-shot and ...
by CloudGrain
Mon Sep 22, 2014 6:08 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning the blues. Act 3: Scene 2 revives from the grave
Replies: 162
Views: 31703

Re: Learning the blues (HisaoxOC route) Act 2 Scene 3 up!

Thus far, absolutely loving it, kinda sad that I won't be getting my 'fix' until Thusday but life does come first. You have a very, very compelling way of creating these new characters and giving life to them within Yamaku in ways that just seem to fit. Everything seems almost completely natural as ...
by CloudGrain
Sun Sep 21, 2014 4:22 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: The Story of Kohowch
Replies: 5
Views: 1324

Re: The Story of Kohowch

Formatting is somewhat of an issue; the standard for writing dialogue is that each and every time a new speaker begins, so does a new paragraph to somewhat stem the possibility of confusion as to the speaker. Your very first interaction between Howch and Misha for example, ought to be 'split up' as ...
by CloudGrain
Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:23 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Guilty [Two Shorts, Emi] Updated 9-17-2014
Replies: 8
Views: 1655

Re: Guilty [Two Shorts, Emi] Updated 9-17-2014

Thank you, was going a little more for just the functionality of the writing this time and actually getting something done. I don't plan on doing any additional writings in regards to these shorts in the immediate (or likely in the longer-term) future. Hopefully, I'll actually have a chance in the n...
by CloudGrain
Wed Sep 17, 2014 7:31 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Guilty [Two Shorts, Emi] Updated 9-17-2014
Replies: 8
Views: 1655

Guilty [Second short]

Second short; done on a whim whilst doing my damnedest to take into account the advice I've been given. Decided after a few busy days not to edit my older post, merely to be able to look back at it and know what I'm able to do better now! Cheers, If the last time that Emi had sent Hisao down to the...
by CloudGrain
Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:56 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning the blues. Act 3: Scene 2 revives from the grave
Replies: 162
Views: 31703

Re: Learning the blues (HisaoxOC route) (working title)

Yay breadcrumbs! I think that it's better to show characters piecemeal as they develop and you'll get some more detail soon, the older brother gets some more fleshing out in Act 2 as he's not around until then. As for the breaks, that is an old habit from my FF.net days... better to leave the break...
by CloudGrain
Mon Sep 15, 2014 6:12 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning the blues. Act 3: Scene 2 revives from the grave
Replies: 162
Views: 31703

Re: Learning the blues (HisaoxOC route) (working title)

I'm enjoying the fleshing out of your characters somewhat, wishing that it went into even deeper detail to give myself and other readers even more insight into the original character's you've created. Still; it makes sense to have things revealed more and more over time as you lay out that breadcrum...
by CloudGrain
Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:28 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Learning the blues. Act 3: Scene 2 revives from the grave
Replies: 162
Views: 31703

Re: Learning the blues (HisaoxOC route) (working title)

Your writing style really translates very well into something similar to Katawa Shoujo's, and makes it that much more interesting to read as an offshoot of sorts. Despite what you said on your thread on Reddit, I don't see any major jump-in-your-face grammatical mistakes that detract from the story'...
by CloudGrain
Sat Sep 13, 2014 11:01 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Guilty [Two Shorts, Emi] Updated 9-17-2014
Replies: 8
Views: 1655

Re: Guilty [Short, Emi]

Thanks kindly for the advice, brushing off the dust and cobwebs from not having written anything 'seriously' in a good long while. I'll take a second look at it tomorrow more than likely, always had an affinity for commas and the like that tend to be the subject of exactly the run-ons I think you're...
by CloudGrain
Sat Sep 13, 2014 10:36 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Guilty [Two Shorts, Emi] Updated 9-17-2014
Replies: 8
Views: 1655

Guilty [Two Shorts, Emi] Updated 9-17-2014

Staring down at the grey laminate flooring, hands already clasped behind her back as she shuffled uneasily, Emi was hoping that the guilt in the very bottom of her stomach couldn't possibly grow any more when the Nurse came back from the other room he was setting Hisao down in to rest. All that she'...
by CloudGrain
Thu Sep 11, 2014 6:14 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Envy [Short, Hanako during Lilly x Hisao]
Replies: 3
Views: 1685

Envy [Short, Hanako during Lilly x Hisao]

The room is cast in twilight, the window facing away from the setting sun and darkening rapidly. It doesn't matter much as Hanako stares at the digital clock wistfully; wearing her usual pink pajamas sitting on her bed in the lonely room. He always came over right around six o' clock, sometimes a fe...