Search found 246 matches

by neio
Thu Mar 21, 2013 3:24 pm
Forum: Public Discussion
Topic: Ask!
Replies: 4959
Views: 967776

Re: Ask!

Raziel wrote:
Raziel wrote:How does run lack a bush but Emily has one? I think it should be the other way around...


Emily = emi.
run = rin

Autocorrect screwed me over.... again
Maybe Rin shaves. That would be impressive.
by neio
Thu Mar 21, 2013 3:21 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]
Replies: 351
Views: 116697

Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/21]

Solid chapter :) Yuuko seemed even more tense than her normal canon appearances (based on the swearing); I suppose that has something to do with Kenji. Yuuko thanks Mr. Ito again, and hurriedly dashes inside to change into her uniform. A comma followed by "and" functions similar to a semicolon. You ...
by neio
Wed Mar 20, 2013 5:53 pm
Forum: Public Discussion
Topic: Thoughts on the H-scenes?
Replies: 1289
Views: 130084

Re: Thoughts on the H-scenes?

Out of curiousity, why does everyone believes so firmly that Hisao holds the idiot ball constantly throughout the VN? Pretty much all of the actions of his that i remember from the game are, while not perfect, rather understandable for a deppressed teenager. For me, in order to classify someone as ...
by neio
Wed Mar 20, 2013 5:36 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]
Replies: 351
Views: 116697

Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/19]

...And five dozen fanfic authors looked over their shoulder, shuffled their feet, then laughed nervously. It's not something to lose sleep over. Scissorlips' Suzu route is still my favorite work of fanfiction, and it is chock-full of commas in places that wouldn't be acceptable in, say, a master's ...
by neio
Wed Mar 20, 2013 12:40 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]
Replies: 351
Views: 116697

Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/19]

griffon8 wrote:
neio wrote:Consider it a compliment. I normally don't get that in-depth with fanfics here because there are more egregious errors to be dealt with or there are simply too many of them.
When I get around to posting my next story, I hope you treat me the same way. :)
Sure :)
Shoot me a PM when you do.
by neio
Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:46 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]
Replies: 351
Views: 116697

Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/19]

Gaah, it's my high school English teacher all over again. But it's a fair point, and I need to hear it as much as it may be loathed . Consider it a compliment. I normally don't get that in-depth with fanfics here because there are more egregious errors to be dealt with or there are simply too many ...
by neio
Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:10 pm
Forum: Public Discussion
Topic: Ask!
Replies: 4959
Views: 967776

Re: Ask!

Hmmmmmmmm...............
HHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM


Ok, I think I've deciphered it.
Why does Rin paint instead of Emi? How does she do it?
Rin uses her toes to paint. She's defying her condition, just like the legless wonder-runner does.
by neio
Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:02 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Kagami Pseudo-Route [Updated 7/6]
Replies: 351
Views: 116697

Re: Kagami Pseudo-Route (OCxHisao) [Updated 3/19]

I admit, I've been avoiding this route because of the OC, but it's actually a great read. It's obvious you've spent a lot of time on it, and you have a better grasp of technical English than most other fanfic writers here. Here are my thoughts on Scene 12 after my first reading (and maybe a few on t...
by neio
Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:54 pm
Forum: Public Discussion
Topic: Ask!
Replies: 4959
Views: 967776

Re: Ask!

How does run lack a bush but Emily has one? I think it should be the other way around... Emily doesn't want to be a gardener, but there's maybe something there about Emily's family circumstances that make her obsessive about house plants. Bushes get in the way of running so it's pretty natural a ru...
by neio
Mon Mar 18, 2013 7:22 pm
Forum: Public Discussion
Topic: What arc should i try next?
Replies: 985
Views: 85597

Re: The Devotion Sickness

HLGU wrote:by the way neio, where did you get such high resolution pic of Emi?
it's even bigger than the game's resolution :D !
Hey look, a squirrel!
by neio
Sun Mar 17, 2013 11:29 pm
Forum: Public Discussion
Topic: What arc should i try next?
Replies: 985
Views: 85597

Re: The Devotion Sickness

It's completely normal. The first time I got Emi, and the second time I went for Lilly. On the second playthrough, though, Emi bumped into me in the hallway (see attached). I muttered to myself, "how am I supposed to NOT love that?" Cue puppy eyes. I played Emi's route again. :oops: Eventually, thou...
by neio
Sun Mar 17, 2013 9:54 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (completed)
Replies: 907
Views: 441465

Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (completed)

Freaking Shizune waiting for them at the dorms, I would've told her to screw off and walked past her. I was infinitely frustrated reading about Shizune splitting Hisao and Suzu up, it's not even her place to involve herself in such matters. The mark of good fictional writing is the ability to impar...
by neio
Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:04 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: "Can You Open Your Heart?" - a Rika pseudo-route
Replies: 448
Views: 181443

Re: "Can You Open Your Heart?" - a Rika pseudo-route

Who did the cover art?
by neio
Sun Mar 17, 2013 2:00 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hanako and Lilly having sex [Warning: Pure Yuri]
Replies: 52
Views: 12205

Re: Hanako and Lilly having sex [Warning: Pure Yuri]

Your writing leaves a lot to be desired. You change tense often for no reason. There are very frequent spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes. While it seems to be the norm for literotica, your use of childish metaphors for sexual organs and their uses takes away a lot of the mood of the story...
by neio
Sun Mar 17, 2013 12:08 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Replies: 186
Views: 38152

Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness

DanjaDoom wrote:
epicmuffin18 wrote:YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
yes.gif
I watched that for a disturbingly long time