Search found 54 matches

by centurion911
Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:02 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Saki-Pseudo Route Continuation (Updated 4/3)
Replies: 67
Views: 22514

Re: A Saki-Pseudo Route Continuation (Updated 2/17)

I like what you tried to do with Miki's reactions on the way to the Shanghai, but it kinda made me think she was setting him up (like arranging a lunch with Saki and bringing him along) more than it conveyed her crush on him. That was totally the vibe I got too. Did you mean "arranging a lunch with...
by centurion911
Wed Feb 20, 2013 12:02 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Saki-Pseudo Route Continuation (Updated 4/3)
Replies: 67
Views: 22514

Re: A Saki-Pseudo Route Continuation (Updated 2/17)

It's kinda odd. This route is making me like Miki more I like what you tried to do with Miki's reactions on the way to the Shanghai, but it kinda made me think she was setting him up (like arranging a lunch with Saki and bringing him along) more than it conveyed her crush on him. Perhaps making her ...
by centurion911
Tue Feb 19, 2013 9:02 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Miki Route (updated 7/17)
Replies: 145
Views: 42374

Re: Miki Route (updated 7/17)

Damn it, why did I read this?

Now I want to know more :(
by centurion911
Tue Feb 19, 2013 2:52 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

It may be about a week before my next update depending on my schedule. I have a lot of tests this week and I'm going to San Luis Obispo to see my girlfriend on the weekend. If I have time I'll see if I can pump out a bit of the story though.
by centurion911
Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:47 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hyacinth [18+] (Lilly Neutral End) UPDATE 4/22
Replies: 82
Views: 15367

Re: Hyacinth [18+] (Lilly Neutral End)

I have high hopes for this.

I always thought if Hisao didn't end up with Lilly he'd go with Hanako. Very interested to see where this goes
by centurion911
Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:44 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Thank you very much for your input. The frequency of the internal monologues is something I tried to address in a different way. Instead of having one lump paragraph of all Lilly's thoughts, I space them out in between the dialogues. I don't believe Lilly is someone who will stop and think in the m...
by centurion911
Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:14 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/17)

Oooh great, I love the frequency you put those out ;) Thank you very much for it. So as always, grammar looks nice (except for 'serene-ness' should be 'serenity' right? Although I am not a native speaker). Also I love that I can agree with 99% of the stuff Lilly is thinking. The part with Hanako ou...
by centurion911
Sun Feb 17, 2013 5:10 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Hokkaido part 3

I wake calmly, the sound of rain resonating through the summer house. I'm so glad I woke up before Hanako, it gave me just enough time to sneak back to my bed. Last night was an absolute fantasy for me, but why am I still worried? Did I force my feelings onto him? What if he doesn't really feel that...
by centurion911
Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:09 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: For Want of a Nail - Misha Route (Updated 12/3/18)
Replies: 548
Views: 195517

Re: For Want of a Nail - Misha Route (New Chapter 2/14)

It's like I said before (perhaps in a different thread?). Misha would be tied with Lilly as my favorite girl if she had her own route. If this route continues to be as great as it has been, she may surpass Lilly.
by centurion911
Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:11 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/14, read 1st pos

For a second I seriously thought that you would leave us hanging right before the H-scene. If you did that I would have to kill you. But regardless, I enjoyed this chapter very much and had a question for you. Are you going to continue after the hospital scene and the canon scene as well? I would v...
by centurion911
Thu Feb 14, 2013 4:45 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/14, read 1st pos

Great, <insert Orwell clapping hands>. Only few things to mention from me: - the first few sentences look like Lilly is an alcoholic a tiny bit too much, but it went away - after "He leads me inside, " sentence I'd insert a separator, because while reading it I immediately went on the next sentence...
by centurion911
Thu Feb 14, 2013 3:03 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/14, read 1st pos

I have to admit that I'm not too fond of reading fanfictions that simply retell the original story from another PoV. It can be an interesting experiment for a scene or two but not for a whole path. Especially since the purpose of this one seems to be to portray Lilly in a more positive light than s...
by centurion911
Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:11 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Rummaging around in the cellar, I finally find what I was looking for. Oh alcohol, my one true vice. Washes away all the problems and leaves nothing but calm. Returning to the dining room, I brandish the bottle of wine to my housemates. I hear Hisao groan. "Alcohol? Seriously?" As I reach the table,...
by centurion911
Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:58 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Okay, boring stuff out of the way first: I believe the word you're thinking of is "anachronistic". I could be wrong though, so take that with a grain of salt. You're probably right. I copied the dialogue right out of the scene but I may have spelled the word wrong. I will check when I get home. Thi...
by centurion911
Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:37 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective (Updated 2/28)
Replies: 77
Views: 12840

Re: Hokkaido-Lilly's perspective

Oddball wrote:Not quite how I saw things going, but still nicely written.
Thank you! And that's ok! We all have a different interpretation of events. This is mine :)