Search found 5400 matches

by Mirage_GSM
Wed Nov 13, 2019 1:34 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: PsychicSpy's Oneshot Thread (11/18/19 Update)
Replies: 11
Views: 452

Re: PsychicSpy's Oneshot Thread (11/13/19 Update)

Hello and welcome to the forum! Regarding the first piece I agree with Feurox: The pacing is okay overall, though it would have been better if Misha had opened up first. As for the second one... That one does have some pacing issues. Specifically the first two scenes at the track and on the roof do ...
by Mirage_GSM
Wed Nov 13, 2019 1:09 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-7 added 11-12-2019
Replies: 45
Views: 3585

Re: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-7 added 11-12-2019

The grammar seems to be getting worse in this chapter, especially in the dialogues... Which makes it a bit hard to tell what is supposed to be intentional innuendo and exactly what just accidentally sounds like it. The overall effect is that Lilly does not coe across as very Lilly-like in this chapt...
by Mirage_GSM
Wed Nov 13, 2019 12:45 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Flowers Before the Fireflies - A Miki Pseudo-route (Updated 11/11/19)
Replies: 29
Views: 5181

Re: Flowers Before the Fireflies - A Miki Pseudo-route (Updated 11/11/19)

A couple of sentences seem to be missing words...
JUst two examples from near the end; there were one or two more:
“How should live a little, then?”
Why does it feel like I could my eyes and be done with school?
Nice chapter again!
by Mirage_GSM
Wed Nov 13, 2019 10:16 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: StilesLong's One-shots - From a quiet place
Replies: 21
Views: 4102

Re: StilesLong's One-shots - From a quiet place

Okay, a bit far-fetched but it makes sense for Hanako to think that way, and it's certainly nothing Lilly could think of.
It is however a bit unfair to blame Lilly for that. The advice "think about your future" is not something I would call "interfering with [her] life"... :lol:
by Mirage_GSM
Wed Nov 06, 2019 1:35 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-7 added 11-12-2019
Replies: 45
Views: 3585

Re: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-6 added 11-05-2019

A basic example of how someone lies to themselves about their feelings: I almost jump as someone slams shut the door. How long have I been staring in her eyes now? What have I been doing? Why? Could it be that I... Nah... The strongest reaction your MC has had about Lilly so far: She's really nice. ...
by Mirage_GSM
Wed Nov 06, 2019 12:12 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: StilesLong's One-shots - From a quiet place
Replies: 21
Views: 4102

Re: StilesLong's One-shots - From a quiet place

"I also suggested that he think a little more about h-his future."
To be honest that - just like Lilly - I have no idea why this should set off Hanako in that way.
It makes me think that in this continuity there must have been some events we don't know about...
by Mirage_GSM
Wed Nov 06, 2019 10:19 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-7 added 11-12-2019
Replies: 45
Views: 3585

Re: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-6 added 11-05-2019

" What about you, did you managed to say anything to Lilly?" She nudges me while laughing. And I have to say, I'm bursting out laughing too. " I really like her, it's true, but I don't know how if it's love or anything else." Wait, What? I know it's in the title of the story, but in the story itsel...
by Mirage_GSM
Fri Nov 01, 2019 12:55 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Crafty's One-Shots (Oct 26th, 2019: Someone Part 2)
Replies: 76
Views: 5951

Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Oct 26th, 2019: Someone Part 2)

And finally I'm again caught up with all that's been posted here.
I didn't plan to save the best for last but apparently that's how it turned out. And surprisingly it's not even becuase this one doesn't have any dreams :-)

Also, some punches are hard enough even after softening.
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:44 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Galaxie's oneshots/contest entries
Replies: 4
Views: 190

Re: Galaxie's oneshots/contest entries

Not quite a dream this time... I think?
Again, this is probably due to a word limit of this contest, but the story felt very disjointed in several places when you glossed over events with just a half sentence. It could certainly use some fleshing-out.
Other than that a nice read.
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:24 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: NuclearStudent's Story Repository
Replies: 31
Views: 1512

Re: NuclearStudent's Story Repository

I have no idea what I have just read - I didn't finish reading - but it seems to fit in well with the "dream" theme of this batch's stories.
Though in this case it's probably more drug-induced hallucinations...
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:18 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: NmO does Shorts [Updated 2019/10/27]
Replies: 29
Views: 2863

Re: NmO does Shorts [Updated 2019/10/27]

Very nice story! I'm beginning to notice some commonality between this batch of contest stories: So far they all seem to be about dreams or dream-like situations of some kind. First Suzu's dream diary, then Mutou's chess game and now this. Was that some kind of meta-prompt for the contest or is it j...
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Oct 31, 2019 12:09 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Hanako Fancopter One-Shots/Misc. Stuff (Latest 11/13/19)
Replies: 61
Views: 7285

Re: Hanako Fancopter One-Shots/Misc. Stuff (Latest 10/26/19)

That was... interesting.
The actual premise was a bit forced, but that's of course because of the prompt.
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Oct 31, 2019 11:55 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Pablo Posts One-shots Here I Guess - Updated 10/26/2019
Replies: 6
Views: 261

Re: Pablo Posts One-shots Here I Guess - Updated 10/26/2019

You know, at first I was a bit disappointed that at one point there wasn't an entry written by Emi, like "There's no way I'd be doing stuff like that" or something...
But the actual ending was also great :-)
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Oct 31, 2019 11:10 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-7 added 11-12-2019
Replies: 45
Views: 3585

Re: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - II-5 added 10-25-2019

You know, you're the only person I've ever seen use the words "refectory" and "cogitate". Anyway, try to watch your pacing a bit: You don't have to feel obligated to tell us in detail about every time she goes swimming or about all of her lessons and lunches. For the last few chapters you have had p...
by Mirage_GSM
Thu Oct 31, 2019 11:03 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Yamaku Book Club (20191111 Two Old & Colourful Pieces)
Replies: 1806
Views: 250654

Re: Yamaku Book Club (20191021 Inkyukasu—A Horror Fic)

Yeah, the descriptions from the perspective of a blind person were done quite well, but with just that one scene the story does not have much purpose. As it is, it's just an attempt to shock, and as such it doesn't even work all that well. I'm not sure if there was no larger plan behind it, or if th...