Search found 42 matches

by NelNinja
Mon Apr 15, 2019 2:47 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (Updated 4/9/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]

Chapter 7 Sundays are usually one big lazy day where Iwanako and I just sit around and do nothing, enjoying each other’s company… That won’t happen again anytime soon. Turning my head to see the clock, it reads 8 AM. I’ve been awake for several hours now wallowing about Friday and being numb to the...
by NelNinja
Wed Apr 10, 2019 1:16 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (Updated 4/9/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]

Technically, I'd call it a shared world, since Iwanako and Mai in Bantamweights are canonically the same characters that appeared in Ch.60 of Developments , and the concept of the Daidouji home was originally Leaty's, although I did build on it a bit. Obviously, your Iwanako and Mai are different f...
by NelNinja
Tue Apr 09, 2019 1:15 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (Updated 4/9/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]

Chapter 6 Work dragged on way too long today. After calling Hisao, he assures me he kept his promise but wanted the rest of the night to himself. “Earlier, after you left, I had a small heart flutter that really drained me.” … Oh gods… The worry I’ve been trying to suppress oozes out of my voice. “...
by NelNinja
Sun Mar 31, 2019 6:45 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/25/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Alright I've read everything that's been posted so far. Boii does Hisao have the VN protagonist curse! Just as many girls falling over him as in the game lol. If it turns into a pseudo-harem story where he's trying to manage all the female attention without any of the dating options trying to kill ...
by NelNinja
Wed Mar 27, 2019 2:22 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Avenues of Communication (updated 4-17-19)
Replies: 34
Views: 2803

Re: Avenues of Communication (updated 3-24-19)

I like the relationship you've given Hisao and Shizune. When I replayed her route recently, I liked it but hit the same stumbling block as last time: the route isn't about them being in a relationship. I love Misha, and her dealing with depression and her confession to Shizune made sense, but the on...
by NelNinja
Tue Mar 26, 2019 5:49 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/25/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Wow, is it March 35th already? Spring is really flying by... :wink: BAH! Fixed I really enjoyed this chapter -- I think it's your best one so far. Your first couple of chapters had some iffy moments, but you seem to be smoothing them out as you continue writing. The interplay between Emi and Hisao ...
by NelNinja
Mon Mar 25, 2019 10:20 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/14/2019 TRIPLE POST) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Chapter 5 Leaving the park behind, we round a corner and continue a short way down a street before Ibarazaki pulls me towards a bakery. The front windows have something… eclectic on them. Not bad, but does that fit a bakery? I catch Tezuka also making her way there, though she isn’t paying any atte...
by NelNinja
Thu Mar 14, 2019 11:18 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/14/2019 TRIPLE POST) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Emi's running chant from Developments is great. I know it's a part of my head canon. I do have a suggestion. The boy that Emi watched die deserves a name to go with his story. She cared for him, and his memory and the events of his passing will be something that Emi would carry to her grave. He sho...
by NelNinja
Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:28 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/10/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Thank you to dewelar for permission to use his Emi chant. ----- Chapter 4b ---Emi--- This morning has been pretty good so far. With a bubbly smile to Rin, I double check that the park is clear of collision hazards before kicking into high gear. air . . . wind . . . ground . . . track . . . . . . . ....
by NelNinja
Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:24 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/10/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Interlude 1 - P1 ---Mai--- God dammit, why today of all days? Just barely catching the bus, I scan my pass and collapse into a seat. Thank god I’m keeping up my Judo training… As I catch my breath, I take out my phone and shoot a text to my worthless assistant manager to let him know I’ll be there ...
by NelNinja
Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:22 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/10/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Chapter 4a This morning has certainly been interesting. Ever since Mai came by and made breakfast, we’ve been on the move. Going to a nearby convenience store, visiting a manga place, buying some games and walking everywhere seems to be her answer to how to distract me. Eventually, her main goal be...
by NelNinja
Mon Mar 11, 2019 10:05 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/5/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

I'm really enjoying this story. I'm curious to see where it goes. “Good! Don’t get the wrong idea, but spending the night with four beautiful women should help! Wahahahaha~” Chapter 3 reveals that there were only three beautiful women at karaoke -- Misha, Lilly and Hanako. Yeah, stuff changed. I've...
by NelNinja
Sun Mar 10, 2019 6:05 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/5/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

Things changed since I posted Chapter 2. There are 4 beautiful women on this chapter, but only 2 with Misha. I have edited the previous chapter. Apologies for missing this. ----- Chapter 3 Mikado leads me to one of the rooms inside the karaoke place; evidently we’re the last ones to arrive. Before w...
by NelNinja
Wed Mar 06, 2019 1:18 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 37
Views: 1241

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/5/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

A reenactment of me waking up: *sees notification that someone replied to my post* Ah cool! Let's see who pos- *6 posts in the span of 12 hours* OH! Let me get on my actual computer instead of creeping on my phone. ---------------------------------- I suppose it was more the age they got married th...
by NelNinja
Wed Mar 06, 2019 3:04 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Beyond The Haze : A Lilly pseudo-route - I-7 added 04-21-2019
Replies: 19
Views: 1502

Re: Beyond The Haze [Lilly x OC] - I-4 added 02-17-2019

I approve this story.

Your handle of English is pretty good. Occasional word choice is strange, but because it's an OC I chalk it up as a character quirk. Connotation is always the hardest to pick up in a language, and your writing is easy enough to understand.

Applause! Look forward to more