Search found 25 matches

by AJT135
Wed Mar 06, 2019 10:08 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 39
Views: 1746

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/5/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

I don't really see the problem with moving in together that soon, and proposing after almost two years of being in a relationship does not seem too unusual either. I suppose it was more the age they got married that seemed odd to me, since getting married at 19, while not unheard of, is unusual. Th...
by AJT135
Tue Mar 05, 2019 6:58 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 39
Views: 1746

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/5/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

In regards to pacing of the relationship, that all comes down to the people. I've known people who meet and get married in 4 months. I also know of people who meet, date for 10 years, have 4 kids, and THEN get married. Moving in after a year of dating isn't too unreasonable (especially considering ...
by AJT135
Tue Mar 05, 2019 5:48 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: (Updated 4/15/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - No Heart Attack]
Replies: 39
Views: 1746

Re: (WIP - Updated 3/5/2019) Pilgrimage - A Subversion of Fate [Divergent Story - Hisao w/o Heart Attack]

This seems like a decent story so far, though it's a bit early to say much. What I will say, however, is that Hisao and Iwanako's relationship seems to have progressed ridiculously fast (at least, up until the breakup). Moving in together right out of high school and proposing 8 months later just se...
by AJT135
Sun Dec 23, 2018 11:24 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Katawa Grisaia - Crossover Katawa Shoujo / Fruit of Grisaia
Replies: 6
Views: 480

Re: Katawa Grisaia - Crossover Katawa Shoujo / Fruit of Grisaia

I've never played Fruit of Grisaia, so I can't really appreciate the crossover aspect, but I can definitely appreciate everything else about this. Very good work.
by AJT135
Sat Dec 22, 2018 8:01 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: The Adventures of Captain Katawa
Replies: 10
Views: 1284

Re: The Adventures of Captain Katawa

Seems like this is off to a good start. I like the thought you've put into just how Hitomi might function given the extent of her disability. It'll be interesting to see where this goes.
by AJT135
Sun Nov 25, 2018 4:34 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Flowers Before the Fireflies - A Miki Pseudo-route (Updated 6/21/19)
Replies: 19
Views: 2811

Re: Flowers Before the Fireflies - A Miki Pseudo-route (Updated 11/24/18)

That was a good act 1. I'm really liking this story so far, you're off to a good start. I look forward to reading more!
by AJT135
Sun Sep 16, 2018 9:33 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: When the Puddles Dry - Post Rin Neutral/True Ending Epilogue, One Shot(?)
Replies: 9
Views: 849

Re: When the Puddles Dry - Post Rin Neutral/True Ending Epilogue, One Shot(?)

I didn't stumle over the "do nots" at all. Sometimes it's a nice, subtle way to express emphasis, and personally I like to use it for Lilly's speech consistently, just to set her dialogue a small bit apart from the others'. I know it's used for emphasis, but it seemed to me like it was used in plac...
by AJT135
Sat Sep 15, 2018 10:01 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: When the Puddles Dry - Post Rin Neutral/True Ending Epilogue, One Shot(?)
Replies: 9
Views: 849

Re: When the Puddles Dry - Post Rin Neutral/True Ending Epilogue, One Shot(?)

I enjoyed that. It'll be interesting to see if it is indeed a one-shot or if you end up expanding on it. You're right that there's a lack of Rin epilogues. Personally I think there should be more epilogues of her good end, since I don't think there's even any of them, but neutral end epilogues are j...
by AJT135
Wed Sep 05, 2018 10:47 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: For Want of a Nail - Misha Route (Updated 12/3/18)
Replies: 548
Views: 192474

Re: For Want of a Nail - Misha Route (Updated 9/5/18)

Otherwise I’d have to have some seriously uncomfortable reflection regarding that dream I had where I was pregnant with Kenji’s baby…
That... is not an image I needed in my head.

That aside, this was a decent chapter. Not much going on, but there doesn't exactly need to be for every chapter.
by AJT135
Thu Jul 19, 2018 10:05 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion
Replies: 51
Views: 4568

Re: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion

That assumes shared numbers between dorms. Instead I went with the first number denoting wing. When Lilly gives her room number she specifies that it is the 25th room, and is on the second floor, as separate entities. Under this approach, the boy dorm has one wing, with all rooms starting with 1. T...
by AJT135
Thu Jul 19, 2018 9:39 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion
Replies: 51
Views: 4568

Re: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion

Also, on an unrelated note, you should probably consider adding an index page at the start. Remembering exactly where you are in such a long fic can be a bit hard.
by AJT135
Thu Jul 19, 2018 8:57 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion
Replies: 51
Views: 4568

Re: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion

I do feel the need to point out that a section you point to is taken from KS itself, from the scene "Lunch Evolution Theory." For Wednesday's groupwork. No indication on what Tuesday's was is given, so I used Wednesday's as a foundation for it. That said, I can see what you have pointed to, and wil...
by AJT135
Thu Jul 19, 2018 8:03 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion
Replies: 51
Views: 4568

Re: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion

I do feel the need to point out that a section you point to is taken from KS itself, from the scene "Lunch Evolution Theory." When I actually look at the stuff, it's mostly just reading. In fact, there are only two problems. For Wednesday's groupwork. No indication on what Tuesday's was is given, s...
by AJT135
Thu Jul 19, 2018 7:07 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion
Replies: 51
Views: 4568

Re: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion

Also for once not about the similarities to MTtB: I was reading the part after Iwanako ran into Emi (or I guess it was the other way around) and I noticed a continuity error. Iwanako says “Stairs are not a good idea right now. Glad I live on the first floor.” despite having room number 314, which wo...
by AJT135
Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:54 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion
Replies: 51
Views: 4568

Re: A Butterfly Dream - Iwanako/Hisao Inversion

I'm still in the middle of reading this, but from what I've read so far, there's a lot of similarities to Mean Time to Breakdown. Like you said, some similarities are inevitable, but there's cases here where it could definitely have been avoided. for example, you wrote: “Oh, there’s still ten minute...